Headwear

Turtle Shell Hat

$164 Etsy »

If you're in the market for a low-key Super Mario Bros. group costume this Halloween, have I got a Turtle Shell Hat for you...

Human Face Baseball Hat

$168 Etsy »

This Human Face Baseball Hat is ready to play ball...with anyone who thinks they can look it in the eye without shuddering. Yeeks. Every time I glance at Sabri Tunca's handmade creep fest, I have to shake it off like...

Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats (NSFW)

Cover up your bad hair, and score yourself some evil glares with Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats. Mama may have told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but Uncle Bekah believes...

Wordle Beanie

$21.95 Etsy »

As much as I'd like to be the cleverest dude in the land, and write this Wordle Beanie description using a progressive 6-part Wordle, doing so would take me even longer than it does to solve an actual Wordle, and I just...

F*ck 2021 New Year's Eve Tiara

$3.50 - $7 Etsy »

Yep, that about sums it up. And if you're like, "No. I want to ring in 2022 with a hard F*ck 2021. No asterisks, no censorship, nothing cute about it," well, you're in luck. Lantz and Lady, makers of the F*ck 2021 New...

Nose Warmers

$6.04 - $15.11 Etsy »

Although a bit strange, Krystyna Dulinska's nose warmers are also a bit adorable. Especially the ones she crochets into animals, such as tigers and koalas and, my favorite, the sheep. Two wood stick thumbs up for the...

Cabbage Patch Hat

$14 - $34 Etsy »

I'm dude enough to admit I had a Cabbage Patch Kid as a kid. I mean, a very young kid. I got rid of it by the time I was 4. OK, 8. His name was Dwight Matthew and he had dusty blond hair, curly as all get out, and wore...

Cache Cap

Sold Out Amazon »

Become a real head case! I don't know how comfy-cozy it would be to use a Cache Cap to stash your valuables, survival gear, or EDC - what are those, fishing hooks and a SAK blade in the photo? - but the idea is sure cool...

Full Face Trapper Hat with Goggles

Sold Out Amazon »

Goofy? Yes. Overkill? Maybe. But let's also review all the ways in which this full face trapper hat - with goggles! - is exactly the piece of headwear you need right now. Or at least need to get as a gift for your girlfriend...

iSphere Pandemic-Ready Head Dome

The iSphere head dome, in addition to providing full upper orifice coverage in the face of the COVID-19 global pandemic, finally gives us an opening to take astronaut cosplay and little green men LARPing to the streets...

Weenie Beanie

Sold Out Amazon »

It's a weenie beanie! A peener beaner! A cap coated in cocks 'n' balls!...

Patagonia Nano Puff Earflap Cap

$59 Patagonia »

With their Nano Puff Earflap Cap Patagonia appears to have finally cracked the code of how to combine the best parts of a puffy coat with the best parts of Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. Available in black, navy...

Retro Fanny Pack Hats

$19.99 Amazon »

Totally rad, dude, I just found the perfect fanny pack hat to wear to lunch at the Saved By the Max pop-up when I'm in LA next week. Neon pink with blue patterning that falls somewhere between tribal symbols and a Pac-Man...

Bose Frames Open-Ear Audio & AR Sunglasses

$199 - $228 Amazon »

I thought for sure Bose Frames, the sound mack's new audio sunglasses, would be bone conduction shades, but nope. Bose has something else up their sleeve to shove down our canals: open-ear audio courtesy of miniaturized...

Alchemi Labs Heat-Reflective Sun Cap

$36.35 Amazon »

Look closely at an Alchemi Labs Sun Cap and the heat-reflective "radiant barrier technology" covering its top and bill miiiight remind you of sequins. Which in turn might remind you of your 8-year-old's dance recital...

LED Steampunk Top Hat

$149.34 Etsy »

Any dapper, steampunk-lovin' grooms-to-be out there looking to upstage their brides at the wedding? Oh come on, wearing an LED Steampunk Top Hat is great way to kick off your marriage! It even glows in your choice of...

Hairkules - Winter Hat That Protects Your Hairstyle

$55 - $63 Kickstarter »

Preserve your Morninghead with a Harikules hat! The winter beanie has a rigid mesh insert that looks like a geodesic dome climber from the schoolyard, but acts like a Captain America shield against headwear fibers that...

Batman Sleep Mask

Sold Out Amazon »

I am Batman! ... In my dreams. Which makes this Batman Sleep Mask an especially welcome addition to bedtime in the house of Dude. The Dark Knight logo is cut out as a 3D memory foam eye mask too, so its eye cavities will...

Animal Face Ski Masks

$34.99 Beardo »

What do you get when you cross a lion and an orangutan with 2 dudes and a ski resort?...

Hands-Free LED Baseball Cap

$9.99 - $12.99 Amazon »

Fitted with 5 LED lights on the center edge of their bill, these baseball caps add hands-free illumination and versatility to any number of activities indoors and out. ... Presuming with the indoors part you're not around...

SnowCinda LED Flashlight Beanie

$6.99 - $10.99 Amazon »

Wear one of these LED flashlight beanies and no one will ever say you're not the brightest again! SnowCinda fits their unisex knit winter hats with 5 LED light bulbs they say can illuminate spreads and paths up to 30'...

Darth Vader LED Light-Up Beanie

$24.99 ThinkGeek »

Vader goes a little Vegas this winter, lighting up the night as an LED beanie. Don't worry, Dark Lord. ThinkGeek has made the effect subtle - cold white lights around your helmet's eyes and mouth grilles only. No flashy...

Light-Up Christmas Turkey Hat

$19.60 Amazon »

Maybe I'll use this light-up turkey hat to start a new family tradition: The Holiday Dunce Cap. Placed on the head of anyone acting like a jerk, a grinch, a nag, or a party pooper during the festivities...

NoSweat Hat Liner & Cap Protection

$29.99 Amazon »

NoSweat Hat Liners are thin, lightweight, absorbent pads that stick on to hats, caps, or helmets to soak up forehead sweat so it doesn't run into your eyes. The liners also help prevent headwear staining and odor buildup...