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Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream

$21.49 Amazon »

At first glance, Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream doesn't seem like the best gift for the holidays. Even for a white elephant party, since it's a serious product with a serious label that claims to do serious work on b.o...

UnHide Shleepy Faux Fur Wearable Blanket

$79 - $109 Amazon »

UnHide, you had me at "Shleepy." The perfect mush-mouth word not only for a faux fur wearable blanket, but to describe my general state of being, and what I say I am before telling my wife I want to shnuggle...

Realistic Human Thumb Tacks

$16.99 Etsy »

Stay organized...even if you're all thumbs with a set of Realistic Human Thumb Tacks from This Is Michie's Shop. The push pins are hand-sculpted from polymer clay, so no actual human thumbs were harmed in their making...

LITO Foldable Suitcase

$417 - $457 Amazon »

On the left we have Lito before Dallas Buyers Club and on the right we have Lito during filming for his Oscar-winning role. ... Bad joke? Wrong spelling of "Lito?" Yes and yes, dudes! But if this dude is anything, it's...

Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants

$29.98 - $49.98 Amazon »

Guess who just added some Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants to his Amazon cart. That's right. This dude. Feejays are sweatpants with built-in fleece-lined socks. The first of many reasons this is awesome is that they're...

Leg Chains

$20.99 - $29.99 Etsy »

Nothing sets off a slit better than...well, the leg underneath it. Ahem, Angelina Jolie. But after that, definitely one of these Leg Chains. Any one of them. They're all hot. So hot. Like, Yowza!, Waa-waa-wee-wow!, How...

Owl Mittens

$15.95 Amazon »

Well owl be damned. They didn't just make some Owl Mittens, they made some Owl Mittens covered in owls so realistic they are kind of creeping me out to look at, and I hope I never encounter anyone wearing a pair!...

Never Let Go Parent-Child Mittens

$39.16 Etsy »

Never gonna give you up / Never gonna let you go / Never gonna let your fingers get cold / Never gonna say goodbye / But I might make you cry / If you try to slip out of my handhold...

DexShell Waterproof Watch Beanie

$23.97 - $36.99 Amazon »

You may not be singin' in the rain wearing a DexShell Waterproof Watch Beanie, but if you're out when the wet drops start to plop, at least your head will stay dry as you run, hike, camp, fish, walk to work, walk the...

Blamo Adult Animal Onesies

$241 - $252 Blamo »

We've seen some silly adult onesies, some sexy adult rompers, and even some wicked adult animal suits in the past, but I can't say we've seen adult onesies like Blamo's before. Adult onesies with animal themes that are...

Cloven Sneakers

$81.33 - $111.28 Amazon »

So I guess the correct term is "Japanese Tabi Sneakers," but calling them "Cloven Sneakers" ensures the footwear's name is as attention-getting as their look. Not to mention, if you're gonna be hoofin' it to work, the...

Assless Yoga Pants

In a bad situation, I think I'd say the same thing about seeing Assless Yoga Pants as I would about seeing Superman: Here they come to save the daaaaay!...

Stand to Pee Ladies' Boy Shorts Underwear

$25 TomboyX »

TomboyX stays true to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts in simple black, and even truer to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts designed with a front-to-back lapped crotch opening so the ladies who wear them...

Philips Sonicare Cordless Power Flosser

$64.96 - $79.96 Amazon »

Am I more or less likely to floss with the Philips Sonicare Cordless Power Flosser than I am with regular dental floss? Hmmm, well, as long as I use Philips' Sonicare Toothbrush companion more than once a month, I'd say...

Medusa Bodysuit

$98 Amazon »

Snakes and temptation always seem to go hand-in-hand, and this Medusa Bodysuit is no exception. Sssexy, sssee-through, and ssslithering with ssserpents that maybe will, maybe won't cover up a lady's naughty bitsss, the...

Screwdriver Ring

$85 Yetch »

The screwy thing about this ring is...literal. And only literal, because the Screwdriver Ring isn't weird or messed up at all. It's awesome!...

Eyebrow Razor

$13.99 Amazon »

Just a little off the bottom...a little off the top. Bring it in on the left...and the right. There! Check it...Ahhhhh! Mama! I have Hitler eyebrows!...

Creature Feet Shoes

$160 - $325 Etsy »

I've never much cared for hoofin' it, especially when I have my friend Cornelius to drive me, but these Creature Feet Shoes are giving the term a whole new and exciting meaning in my world. Not that I'd ever wear what...

OptiWand Pincher Contact Lens Insertion & Removal Tool

$18.99 Amazon »

I OptiWander how anyone could stick this contact lens plunger near their eyeball. Then again, since the alternative is a finger, I also OptiWander how anyone could wear contact lenses at all. One thing this dude do not...

Black Cat Bra

$26.97 - $54.95 Adore Me »

Ladies, want some kitties for your titties? And your kitty, because this black cat bra also comes with a matching thong. The lingerie set from Adore Me adds a pair of cute cat pasties to an unlined black tulle bra, plus...

GLD x Marvel Jewelry

$99 - $129 GLD »

Got drip? Yeah, that's right, I just described the new GLD x Marvel Jewelry collaboration using a Millennial meme combined with Gen Z slang. Because, like Deadpool, that's how groovy and rad I am...

Sushi Costume

$67.91 Etsy »

Sushi Costume and instant backrest! Even if there's nowhere to sit at the Halloween party, you can lean up against a wall, or pop a squat on the floor against the pillowy comfort of Pop Designers' handmade piece of salmon...

Batwing Shoe Accessories

$36.28 Etsy »

Here's a slightly batty idea for Halloween. Batwings for your shoes! The leather flappers fit over the eyelets of your shoes or boots, and secure with your laces to create a festive vibe during spooky season, or a Goth...

Zombie Hands Resin Ring

$109.80 Etsy »

Rising from the depths of the earth...and your middle knuckle...the zombies are coming! So far, it's just their hands that have popped out of the graves, but just you wait. Where there are resin hands, there are resin...