Gear

Banana Phone

$39.99 Amazon »

A wise person once said, "There are two types of phones in this world - boring phones, and Banana Phone!" No wait, scratch that. A bananas person once said, There are two types of phones in this world - boring phones...

VoChill Personal Wine Chiller

$44.99 Amazon »

Ah, the times my wife has gone to chill out with a glass of wine only to find her wine is not chilled*. But now, hero husband that I am, I can give her this personal wine chiller and be all, "Yo, chill. Here's a VoChill."...

Dick-Head Toothpaste Topper Cap (NSFW)

$6.95 Etsy »

The Dick-Head Toothpaste Topper Cap says, "Dude, you have the nicest teeth I've ever come across."...

Worky Home Office in a Briefcase

$129.99 Amazon »

Worky won't make the chaos of work itself any better, but the home office in a briefcase will contain the chaos of the tools you use to slog through another day of emails, presentations, and video meetings. A latching...

Chef'n Tabletop S'mores Maker

$49.99 Amazon »

At first I thought Chef'n's Tabletop S'mores Maker was a marshmallow that had already been roasted, a square of chocolate that had been melted before. I myself have written about at least 2 indoor-safe, tabletop s'mores...

Google Home Muscles

$19.99 Etsy »

Hear me now and believe me later, Google Home Muscles is here to pump! You up! Or at least, like, set a timer and play "Sexy and I Know It" while you work out on your own...

Blowzee Fan for Blowing Out Birthday Candles

$11.99 Amazon »

Nobody likes a birthday cake iced in spit. And now, nobody likes a birthday cake iced in COVID either. Blowzee, in response to kids with unruly saliva and a world with a persistent pandemic, has developed a fan for blowing...

Taking Sides Couple's Snack Tray

$85 - $135 Uncommon Goods »

Yes, please, I want a Taking Sides Couple's Snack Tray. My wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power is always stealing my food. And my wine, beer, and cocktails when she invariably sucks hers down first...

The Crushboard Portable Beer Can Crushing Mat

$7.99 - $12.99 Crushboard »

Crushing an empty beer can on your head may be a real crowd-pleaser, but if you're unsuccessful...enjoy the memes and viral videos. And the concussion. But stomping on empty cans to crush them, now that has a much higher...

3D Printed Vaginasaur (NSFW)

$6.99 - $45.99 Etsy »

Be careful, the 3D Printed Vaginasaur definitely eats meat. Etsy shop 10th Dimension 3D calls this prehistoric poon print the "Dino Pussy" and the "Cuntasaurus," but I feel like "Vaginasaur" rolls off the tongue best...

Raspberry Pi Zero 2 W

Raspberry Pi Zero: $5. Raspberry Pi Zero W: $10. Raspberry Pi Zero 2 W: Priceless. Nah, just kidding. It's $15...

Nova Ceramics Travel Mugs

$18.99 - $20.99 Amazon »

As purdy as Nova Ceramics' Travel Mugs are, lookin' all like the ocean surf in all the colors of the rainbow, one thing my household does not need is another mug, ceramic, travel, double-wall insulated, lidded, unlidded...

Dissim Inverted Lighter

$88 Amazon »

The Dissim Inverted Lighter turns the flames of Hell upside down. OK, more like one little flame. And I guess it's not from Hell, it's from butane...

Sports Car Flip Phone

$41.69 Amazon »

Oh yeah, dudes, it's a Sports Car Flip Phone, and it comes fully loaded. Slots for, not one, but two SIM cards. And it can automatically switch between them to support all of your shady Sports Car Flip Phone dealings...

Squid Game Doll Shooting Alarm Clock

Sold Out Amazon »

Red light, green light, wake up! Or prepare for the Squid Game Doll Shooting Alarm Clock to eliminate you. ... OK, she'll just pelt you with a foam bullet, but still. This piece of Squid Game merch might be the creepiest...

Corkcicle Star Wars Insulated Tumblers & Canteens

$29.95 - $39.95 Amazon »

Keep your drinks as cold as Hoth and as hot as Mustafar with Corkcicle's Star Wars series of insulated tumblers and canteens. Released in honor of the 40th anniversary of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, the collection...

Bottle Opener Dog Tags

$14.87 - $17.85 Etsy »

If your dog gets lost wearing a bottle opener dog tag, maybe it's the dog tag's fault. Ol' Gonzo just went out lookin' for a beer and ended up, as my favorite of Firefly Lane Stamping's bottle opener dog tags says, lost...

Squid Game Home Security Camera Concept

While I'm a fan of Netflix's Squid Game series, and fully support the viral craze the twisted kiddie game drama has stirred up, I'm not sure I'd want a Squid Game worker serving as my home security camera. I mean, would...

HiGrade Bud Analyzing Scope & Potency Test Kit

$64.99 Amazon »

The HiGrade bud analyzing scope & potency test kit means business...for your pleasure. A combination of a leaf-friendly microscope smartphone attachment and app-based subscription service, the HiGrade system uses 3 hi-res...

jelbows Gel Rests for Wrists & Elbows

$16.49 - $21.49 Amazon »

They had me at "jelbows." You dudes know me well enough by now to know it doesn't even matter if these gel rests for your wrists and elbows alleviate joint pain and desktop contact soreness for workers, and WFHomers...

Colorful Flames Lighters

$10.99 - $17.99 Etsy »

Colorful Flames called all the colors of the rainbow into the fires of their lighters, and...well...only two of those colors of the rainbow answered. But a lighter that flicks either a green or pink flame is still pretty...

Nokia 6310 20th Anniversary Edition Brick Phone

$80 Nokia »

While the Nokia 6310 has always been a brick phone rather than a flip phone - and you know how I love me some flip phones - Nokia's 2021 upgraded rerelease of this mobile classic still sends my heart aflutter. Dudes...

Retro Camera Foldable Shopping Bag

$11.99 Perpetual Kid »

Say, "Cheese!" And then load up the wedges of Brie, Manchego, and Oregon Blue into your Retro Camera Foldable Shopping Bag. A neat little gift for photographers and the camera-obsessed, this reusable tote collapses and...

Author Clock - Literary Quote Time Display

$109 - $219 Kickstarter »

Word nerds probably thought they had it made when we went from clocks that read 12:00 to clocks that spell out the time in words. But now the Author Clock thumbs its nose at both of thee's, making the hour and its minutes...