85

5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

By: on June 14, 2016
$10.51
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The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced sweetness." Yeah. That's on the heels of an ingredient list whose first two items are, in order of quantity, corn syrup and sugar. Let's just admit it: Gummi Bears are one of the most unnatural and unbalanced foods we can eat. And that's why they're so F'ing delicious.

I wonder how many of the 985 are the pineapple-flavored white ones. Those are my favorite. Most people don't like how Gummi Bears' gumminess makes them get stuck in their teeth, but with the pineapple ones I love it how I can cram, like, 30 in my mouth at once, and then still have little bits of them dislodge from my cavities and the space between my back teeth and gums 3 or 4 hours later. It's like a subtle wash of pineapple refreshment all over again!

In case you weren't aware, a 5-pound bag of Haribo Gummi Bears contains the following flavors: pineapple (white bears); lemon (yellow); orange (orange); raspberry (red); and strawberry (green. WTF?)

Post-Posting Update: as friendly Facebook follower John S. pointed out, Haribo also sells a more waist-friendly 5-pound bag of sugar-free Gummi Bears. Waist-friendly, apparently, not only because their calories have been replaced by artificial sweetener, but also because consuming even a small amount of them will put you--or whomever you decide to gift them to--on a Rainbow Bears' Revenge diarrhea cleanse.

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