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TacLace Rapid Boot Lacing System

$14.99 from Amazon »

Pull, cinch, and wrap. If your feet spend a lot of time in boots, and your hands too much time twisting and tying and double knotting, TacLaces could be the accessory you never knew you always needed....

DNA Wedding Rings

Do you love one another enough to entwine double helixes forever? All of LA-based jeweler Takayas' rings and necklaces seem to have some ornate, whimsical, and unabashedly geeky flourish topping what are otherwise dazzling...

Love is Art - Roll in the Hay Paint Kit

$59 from Amazon »

Actually it's more like a Roll in the Canvas Paint Kit. Love Is Art creator Jeremy Brown "has been making paintings during intimacy for over a decade," and now offers you and your favorite companion(s?) a kit with all...

Personalized Lovecraftian Bottles

$93.02 from Etsy »

Pick your poison. Actually, pick two: a spirit to fill one of Orion Oddities's sick hand-sculpted bottles with; and a Lovecraftian beast to guard its contents. The Italian design shop molds the likenesses of Cthulhu and...

Upskirt Umbrella

Stripes or solids: what kind of panties make you want to make it rain? Aside from my girlfriend and my mama, I wonder how many ladies would slap me if I walked around town with a plaid upskirt shot printed on my umbrella....

Mr. Lover Suit

$74.42 - $137.99 from Amazon »

I was thinking my girlfriend might find a V-Day Mr. Lover suit sexy. A grand gesture the equivalent of male lingerie. What do you think? Too much? Should I just send her a dick pic instead?...

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Bracelet Flask

$29.99 from Amazon »

Fancy fashion designer Cynthia Rowley made a Flask Bracelet that sold for around $225. You can see it on the lady's wrist in image gallery above. But Braced has made a Bracelet Bangle Flask that's waaaay better than Rowley's...

Phone-Cleaning Microfiber T-Shirts

$18 - $22 from Etsy »

Those microfiber cloth squares they give you with your phones and tablets to clean the screens? Or your glasses and sunglasses to polish the lenses? I usually accidentally throw mine away with the box. Or forget them....

baKBlade DIY Back Hair Shaver

$42.95 from Amazon »

baKBlade calls this extra-large razor the Big Mouth because its accompanying app is programmed to ridicule your bushy shoulders and thatches of back hair as soon as you let that wiry jungle get out of control....

GoodHead Flavored Gel

$13.47 from Amazon »

I read the following comment about GoodHead's Cinnamon-flavored lubricant / pleasure enhancer for the administrator of oral sex: "It's like chewing Big Red and sucking...the best damn lube period!" Unfortunately, there...

ThermalTech Solar-Powered Jackets

$139 - $189 from ThermalTech »

If the sun can power our chargers and flashlights, why not our winter coats and jackets? We've already been using batteries and electrical cords to help us stay warm in frigid temperatures for years. I remember my mama...

Electric Shoe & Boot Dryer & Warmer

$15.99 - $19.99 from Amazon »

He may not get as much press as Dr. Love, but at this time of year you might find an appointment with Dr. Dry just as valuable. His electric inserts slip into cold, wet shoes and boots, using a built-in PTC heater to...

Penis Tuxedo

$29.95 from LELO »

How long has it been since someone said your penis looks "dapper?" For me, the answer is an emphatic "too long." The same goes for "snazzy," "handsome," and "just like Jon Hamm." I can only hope LELO's new TUX, a penis...

Cityscape Rings

$69 - $1,359 from Etsy »

Take your lady on a trip to Paris this year. Or maybe Stockholm. Edinburgh. New York. I hear Charleston is nice. Or if leaving town isn't in the budget, bring the great cities of the world to her...finger. Ola Shekhtman...

Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)

By: Bimek »

Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing....

KarbonOptix Carbon Fiber Sunglasses

$189.99 from Amazon »

Have you ever been like, Where are my sunglasses?! Where are my sunglasses?! only to realize they're right on top of your head? Or your face? Get a pair of KarbonWorx's KarbonOptix carbon fiber sunglasses and that's going...

The Beard Bro Beard-Shaping Tool

$18.99 from Amazon »

Men, are you tired of spending precious minutes in the morning grooming and edging your perfect specimen of manliness (well, the one on your face anyway) only to end up looking like your 6-year-old shaved you after you...

Living Ink - Time-lapse Bio-ink

The researchers at Living Ink Technologies weren't spending all of their investors' money trying to figure out how to revolutionize disappearing ink for the 21st century. They were hoping to develop a sustainable algae...

Dragons & Other Fantastic Creatures in Origami

$16.72 from Amazon »

When I first saw this Dragons and Other Fantastic Creatures in Origami how-to book I was like, Sweet, I'm gonna make me some paper dragons. Then I looked at the contents and saw all the other fantastic creatures also...

Blackout Bands - Sleep Mask Sunglasses

$19.99 from Blackout Bands »

Three things: 1) Welcome to 2016; 2) I've got a little something for your hangover. Especially if you have to open your eyes today; and 3) Kellan Lutz isn't a vampire, but he does play one in the worst movies in the history...

Star Wars Sith Lord Parka

$249.99 from Amazon »

How does a Dark Lord of the Sith stay warm and dry in the winter without sacrificing his menacing appearance? He calls musterbrand (who then calls a bunch of attorneys for licensing approval). Taking design inspiration...

New Year's Resolution Mugshot Signs

$19.99 from Amazon »

The only thing I like less than photo booths with whimsical props is New Year's Resolutions. But these New Year's Resolution Mugshot photo / selfie signs for your NYE party do have one redeeming quality: they call it...

Men's Dino Hood

$54 from Etsy »

Mr. Stegosaurus, what soft scales you have. The better to nuzzle you with, my dear. And Mr. Stegosaurus, what flappy spikes you have. The better not to impale you with, my dear. And Mr. Stegosaurus, what hipster-humanlike...

Show Me Your Kitty Panties

$10.90 from Etsy »

Cats hide in the darndest of places, don't they? Etsy shop owner Elena prints adorable images of kitties onto semi-sexy pairs of underwear to create the overall awesome effect of the literal cuddly creature ladies obsess...

Hanskie Beer Koozie Glove

$29.99 from Amazon »

The Hanskie is just a take on (rip of?) the Skuuzi Beer Glove, with one key difference: you can still get it. Skuuzis have been sold out or discontinued on my favorite provider of Prime shipping for ages now, but at printing...

DIY Netflix Socks

No, Netflix Socks aren't socks for advertising your love of Netflix. They're actually useful. They're DIY socks that both cover your feet and have your back when you're watching your favorite streaming movies and shows...

KidCo Peapod Portable Bed

$65.95 - $69.95 from Amazon »

KidCo has come up with a swell way to make sure your kids get their Zs when you tote them along to grandma's for Christmas, the beach for Christmas vacation, or your friend Cornelius' house party for New Year's Eve. Their...

Golden Girls Granny Panties

Discontinued

Welp, they couldn't really put The Cosby Show on them, now could they? Candice Pugh of Etsy shop Bullets and Bees has made this homage to everyone's favorite old ladies living the retired life in Florida, The Golden Girls....

Beard Grow XL Facial Hair Supplement

$79.99 from Amazon »

Snake oil? No Way! Beard Grow XL isn't oil at all. It's pills! Ninety little capsules whose daily dose claims to carry the coveted effect of a full and glorious facial bush that's sure to rival the one on Santa himself....

LED Lightsaber Flashlight Umbrella

$16.22 - $21.39 from Amazon »

Battler of enemies from the sky teams up with battler of enemies from a galaxy far, far away with this LED Lightsaber Umbrella. If the Force is with you the umbrella's 25+" blade will light your way through the Dark Side...

Success by Trump Deodorant

$12.40 from Amazon »

Donald Trump thinks you stink. Particularly if you're: Barack Obama; Hillary Clinton; George W. Bush; Carly Fiorina; Megyn Kelly; any other journalist; any other woman; disabled; Jeff Bezos; an immigrant; a Democrat;...

Hand-Wrought Damascus Steel & Wood Rings

$475 from Wedgewood Rings »

Steven Wyatt of WedgeWood Rings handcrafts, sands, and polishes every one of his elegant metal and wood combinations to create standout pieces of jewelry that highlight the natural grain and unique characteristics of...

Flashing Finger LED Gloves

$13.99 from Amazon »

These flashing finger LED gloves from Luwint can be used to get trippy at shows and raves, get in costume for stage performances, get spirited at sporting events, and get laughed off the road while riding a motorcycle....

Secret Jewels Hidden Jewelry Candles

$19.92 - $34.95 from Amazon »

Christmas shopping for the ladies: done. Whether it's wife, girlfriend, Mama, Grandma, sister, daughter, or hostess (of one of the holiday parties you're attending, or that other kind in that other place you go to every...

Money Duck Soap - Up to $50 in Each Bar

$14.84 from Amazon »

Know someone who could be a little more diligent about washing their hands? Or their body? Just remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, in this case, you catch more hygienic kids and friends with cash...

Zafirro - World's Sharpest Razor

$179 - $199 from Kickstarter »

I'm only telling you about a $199 razor because it used to cost $100,000. So they say. And also because they, the creators of Zafirro, also say their razor's sapphire blade make it the World's Sharpest, and longest lasting....

Furry Chewbacca Boots

It's time to put some Wookiee in your winter footwear. These grand fur-fronted and face-backed Chewbacca boots combine the best (and most ridiculous) elements of last year's reversible Chewbacca hoodie and last week's...

Star Wars Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$29.99 - $64.95 from Amazon »

If Star Wars is on the Ugly Christmas Sweater scene now, I think we need to remove the "Ugly" modifier from the term. How about Star Wars Galactically Awesome Christmas Sweaters instead? Particularly the one spotlighting...

Light-up Arcade Belt Buckles

$42 - $125 from Etsy »

All the sweet one-liners about paying to play, just a quarter for some action, and getting the high score you're thinking of right now? Get your mind above...well, not above the belt exactly. But above the area below...

Kaboost Portable Chair Booster

$39.99 from Amazon »

Kaboost puts the kiddos right at table height by jacking up a chair's legs rather than its seat. It snaps on to most 4-legged round or square chairs, where it stays put and improves chair stability even when Jr. gets...

Cravar Leather Journals & Tote Bags

$35 - $239 from Cravar »

Cravar creators Yoki Baskara and Rama Luhur began their leather journey with a trip and a kick. Baskara took an interest in the textile during a backpacking adventure to Italy, after which he began designing and fabricating...

Kickers Stormtrooper Boots

$244 from Schuh »

Reader Dave, the good-lookin'-out dude who shed the light of these Kickers Stormtrooper Boots onto my life, told me he thought he peed a little bit when he saw them. Ditto, my friend. Dit. Toe....

Star Wars Thigh-Hi Style Tights

$19.99 from Amazon »

Rotund. Top heavy. Proportional even. But never before would I have considered describing R2-D2 as leggy....

Soundwave Voice Message Art & Jewelry

$89.99 - $599.99 from Soundwave Art »

Love letters. Tattoos. Sext messages. All valid and romantic ways to let them know you care. But none are as unique as a ring engraved with the sound waves produced when you tell them. Record a message you want a loved...

F**k Me Perfume

Sold Out from Amazon »

In the words of the great Marcy Playground, "I smell sex and can-dy." Or is that sex and cran-ber-ries? With tonka mousse and a hint of Tuscan blood orange. From the perfumers and the sexologists who brought you Sure...

Well Endowed Zentai Suit

$44.99 from Amazon »

I see your Little Green Man, and raise it one Huge Green Man. If you prefer Orange, Red, Yellow, Blue,, Purple, or Never-Go-Back Black, I have Zentai suits in all of those extra-tight, extra-long-schlong colors too. So...

Weed the Marijuana Leaf Mask

Sold Out from Amazon »

Stoner culture meets stoner agriculture. Weed the Marijuana Leaf is a mask for Halloween, a mask for legalization rallies, and most of all, a mask to cover up your face when you're super high and need to hide it for...

Pelican Elite Vacationer Luggage

$485 - $545 from Amazon »

Pelican defines cold with their coolers, crushes it (by way of resisting all infiltration and impact!) with their crush-proof backpacks, and now armors your garments, gifts, and gear for their journey into the vortex...