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Christmas Tree Kitty Carpet - Reusable Crotch Wig

$8.95 from Amazon »

Wife or girlfriend wishing for a kitty under the Christmas tree this year? Welp, get her a Christmas Tree Kitty Carpet and you'll basically be giving her exactly what she asked for. While saving yourself the allergic...

Micro TagBand Skin Tag Remover

$19.95 from Amazon »

The Micro TagBand skin tag remover is a tiny, low-tech tool for popping off bulbous mounds of excess flesh by way of slow strangulation...

MindInsole Acupressure Magnetic Insoles

Discontinued

A reflexology massage and fat-cell-weakening magnetic stimulation session while you walk - how's that for incentive to slide in a pair of MindInsole acupressure magnetic insoles and hoof it instead of driving to the store...

FridaBalls New Dad Boxers with Cup for Baby Cheap Shots

$27.99 from Amazon »

Because no one want to feel the baby kick after it's born. FridaBalls are boxer briefs for new dads, or existing but amateur dads, who haven't learned to dodge the flying limbs and wiffle ball bats of their babies, toddlers...

Deejo Tattoo Knives

$44.90 - $79.90 from Amazon »

According to the folding knife's bladesmiths, "To tattoo the Deejo as we mark our skin is to give another dimension, a true identity, to this personal possession." Deejo Tattoo Knives are the product of a fine engraving...

Wearable Blanket

$22.99 - $38.99 from Amazon »

Now this is the wearable of the season. I'd take a wearable blanket - hoodie style! - over pretty much any other wearable tech nonsense they've got going on right now...

Ice Roller - Therapeutic Skincare & Pain Relief

$14.99 from Amazon »

Dull skin, inflammation, and even aches and pains get the freeze-out with the Ice Roller for face and body...

Maxsoft Scalp Massager & Shampoo Brush

$6.98 - $8.99 from Amazon »

If scalp massages tickle your pickle, get ready to enjoy some serious tickling of your pickle with Maxsoft's scalp massager & shampoo brush. In the shower no less! My second favorite place to tickle my pickle next to...

Ranch Dressing Ugly Christmas Sweater

Once upon a time, Hidden deep in the Valley of ugly Christmas sweaters, there lived a bottle of Ranch Dressing. So sad was the Ranch that while the likes of Santa and the Elves, Frosty and Rudolph, and even Bill & Ted...

Sassy Celebs Holiday Gift Tags

$6.50 from Amazon »

Sassy Celebs Holiday Gift Tags enable those of you who can't gift your favorite (or least favorite) people Kim K., Kanye, the cast of Friends, Will Ferrell, Drake, et. al. in the flesh this holiday season to at least...

Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha Scented Wrappin' Paper

All I have to say is anyone wrapping my Christmas gift in Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha Scented Wrappin' Paper better also have a Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha waiting for me nearby. Talk about some bittersweet gift wrap! Sweet...

Gua Sha Scraping Massage Tool Sets

$125.99 - $149.99 from Amazon »

Hey, whatcha got in that fancy metal brief- Whoa! Uh, nevermind. Forget I asked. ... Oh, uh, Gua Sha massage tools? OK, sure. Massage tools. Whatever you say, dude. I'll just leave you then to, uh...find someone who needs...

New Balance Caravan Moc

$49.95 from Amazon »

The Dad shoe of the season has arrived. New Balance describes their Caravan Moc as "an easy-going, comfortable respite for tired feet," and I think Dad's gonna be all over that description with a fervor only slightly...

Paincakes Stick-On Cold Packs

$14.99 from Amazon »

Paincakes are stick-on ice packs that make fighting pain in sore, swollen, or injured parts of your body less of a pain in your ass. Eliminating the need to dink around with tape or haul out a WRAPTIE strap to hold your...

ReflecToes High Reflective Socks

$15.86 from Amazon »

What's my superpower? Casting thousands of directionally-orientated spherical mirrors from my ankles! ... With some help from my socks. ReflecToes are high reflective socks designed with runners and cyclists in mind...

Thanksgiving Dinner Nutrition Label T-Shirts

$22.95 from Etsy »

Buzzkill alert! Boots Tees is selling Thanksgiving dinner nutrition label T-shirts, tops advertising the calorie, fat, and carb contents of popular turkey day foods. Choose from over 2 dozen different dishes, and become...

Gillette Heated Razor

Sold Out from Amazon »

Sure, you could be a GilletteLabs Heated Razor for a couple hundos and experience "instant warmth in less than one second at the push of a button." Or you could achieve the exact same effect for the cost of a disposable...

Pagan Breakfast God Mask

$17.95 from Archie McPhee »

I'm not sure I can get behind the Pagan Breakfast God enough to make a Jesus fish version of him for my car. Obviously I dig the idea of a god lookin' out for my breakfast, but the only 2 known photographs of him (see...

Tiffany & Co. Advent Calendar

$112k from Tiffany & Co. »

Your woman sure as shiny baubles won't be singin' out to Santa Baby this year if her Dude Baby gets her one of Tiffany & Co.'s Advent Calendars. Twenty-four days of diamonds and drop earrings, platinum and pendants, and...

Encompass 20-Second Half-Mouth Electric Toothbrush

$99 - $109 from indiegogo »

Come on, Encompass, have we really gotten to the point that two minutes of toothbrushing is too long? Now we need to cut out 100 of the 120 seconds we're meant to spare on cavity prevention and proper oral hygiene a couple...

Patagonia Nano Puff Earflap Cap

$59 from Patagonia »

With their Nano Puff Earflap Cap Patagonia appears to have finally cracked the code of how to combine the best parts of a puffy coat with the best parts of Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. Available in black, navy...

Electric Lip Plumper

$17.93 from Amazon »

It's not so much that I doubt this electric lip plumper will work as it is I doubt it will feel very good during or after use. Certainly not as good as the other kind of "electric lip plumper," if you know what I mean...

Beer Mug Socks

$34.90 from Etsy »

These Beer Mug Socks are actually more like Beer Mug Leg Warmers, but yarn maestro Vicky Djokic probably figured referring to her most excellent hand-knit frothy pints o' brew as "leg warmer" would deter men from clicking...

Snow Globe Sweaters

$8.54 from Amazon »

Don't be fooled! These here Snow Globe Sweaters are not cozy and adorable winter hats for snow globes. They're cozy and adorable winter hats for nipples! Like the ones on the ends of boobies. I really don't know why they've...