Candy

Martin's Chocolatier Luxury Chocolate Planets

$18.17 Etsy »

At first I saw this box of Chocolate Planets and was like, "1-2-3-4...9! Martin's Chocolatier didn't diss Pluto in their presentation of our solar system in luxury confection form!" But then I read the Chocolate Planet...

Freeze-Dried Candy

$8 Etsy »

Skittles and Starburst and SweetTarts, oh my! Skittles and Starburst and SweetTarts, freeze-dried! Stellar Rabbit Foods has the stellar down indeed with their collection of freeze-dried candy. The magic of sugary fan...

Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots

Even though carrots and peanut butter have always been a pretty good pair, Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots take the combination to a whole new level of greatness. Namely because Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots contain no...

Omnom Icelandic Chocolates

Omnom Chocolates hail from Reykjavik, where they're proud to be Iceland's first and only bean-to-bar chocolate, as well as a sweets peddler that uses 100% geothermal energy to produce its chocolatey offerings. To welcome...

Bah, Humbug! Candy Cane

$7.53 Amazon »

That's one way to go with the Bah, Humbug! Candy Cane. Whiting out its jolly red stripes. Eliminating its trademark peppermint flavor. Devoiding the candy cane of all signs of Christmas spirit. It makes a funny stocking...

Baby Yoda Marshmallow-Stuffed Chocolate Ball

$39.99 Amazon »

Know what a Star Wars The Mandalorian Holiday Milk Chocolate Ball filled with surprise The Child marshmallow treat means? It's time for Baby Yoda to learn what it feels like to be the frog. I can already hear a holiday...

Koppers Martini Olive Chocolate Almonds

$12.98 Amazon »

Koppers called chocolate-covered almonds, pimento-stuffed olives, almond-stuffed olives, and pregnant women into a market research group to help them decide what the best flavor combination and psych-out optical illusion...

Jelly Belly Extreme BeanBoozled Gift Box

$11.98 Amazon »

Jelly Belly's Extreme BeanBoozled Gift Box stands at the ready for inclusion in your kid's Easter basket this year. You might need to cover the lid, or dump the collection of Barf, Booger, Canned Dog Food, Dead Fish...

I Love Your Penis Box of Chocolates

$33.99 Etsy »

Guess which dude got an I Love Your Penis box of chocolates this morning for Valentine's Day? Yep, that's right, my Aunt Jan's new boyfriend. What this dude got? A phone call from my mama telling me all about it. Gah!...

Edible Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Sold Out Amazon »

Ohboyohboyohboy, a replica Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man you can eat! I won't say he's giant because, well, we've seen what an actual giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man looks like in the movie. But at 10.6 ounces...

Keto-Friendly Gummy Fish

$11.90 Amazon »

I do love me some Swedish Fish, and fakin' it with a pack of Sweet Fish Gummies will cost me just 3 grams of sugar and 80 calories. However, there is a downside. Some associated costs, if you will...

Blue Cheese Lollipops

Should I have filed Blue Cheese Lollipops under the Gross instead of the Candy category? I guess it depends on how you feel about blue cheese. And lollipops. About mixing sweet and savory. About stinky suckers. About...

Bob Ross Happy Little Tree Mints

$4.94 Amazon »

This time, Bob Ross' Happy Little Trees are here in a reign of terror. Prepare your bad breath to die in a peppermint assault!...

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Emoji Bars

$0.99 Hershey's »

Oh hey, it's a milk chocolate Emoshey's Bar. Hershoji's Bar? Hersheyoji's? It's a Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar with emoji squares!...

Neuhaus Belgian Chocolates

$8.75 - $224 Neuhaus Chocolate »

Having been the joint giver / recipient of Neuhaus Chocolates' Winter Wonderland pop-up advent calendar this past holiday season, I can say with certainty (and praline and ganache all over my face) the Belgian chocolate...

Ruby Chocolate Kit Kat Bar

Discontinued

Ruby Chocolate Kit Kat bars aren't just white chocolate-dipped wafers dyed pink. Ruby chocolate is actually a newfangled chocolate introduced in 2017 by Belgian-Swiss chocolatier Barry Callebaut. The company has been...

33-Pound Gummy Hot Dog

$149.99 Vat 19 »

It's hot dog, but also...not hot dog! Created by The Gummy Bear Guy, this next in a well-established line of supersized gummy products (see also: gummy skull, gummy snake) out-sizes them all at a formidable 33 pounds...

Lord Jones CBD Gumdrops

$45 - $60 Lord Jones »

CBD or not, something tells me a company called Lord Jones does not make the kind of gumdrops you find on gingerbread houses. The ones that go from gummy to you-better-have-a-good-dentist-hard after, like, 5 minutes of...

Chocolate Candy Bar Maker

$99.99 Amazon »

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' husband! No one's getting their hands on the Chocolate Candy Bar Maker but me! Chocolate's loyal, and gluttonous, and selfish little whore slave. No, redact that redaction. Whore!...

Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Egg

I tried one of Truffle Cottage's Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Eggs last night. And if by "tried" you think I mean "demolished," then you are correct, sir! I think She-Ra: Princess of Power ate a couple from the stash...

Loloz - Cavity-Fighting Lollipops

Discontinued

Oh good, now all the Kandi Kids kids can practice responsible oral hygiene when they're high on Molly at the EDM festivals this summer. Your own little ones might love them some brightly-colored, fruity-flavored Loloz...

5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

Sold Out Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...

Super Mario Candy Easter Egg

It may not be a block, but crack your head against this yellow question mark and you'll still enjoy the spoils of gold coins and a mushroom o' added life. Or at least a temporary increase in energy from its 58 or so grams...

IPA Beer Brittle

Discontinued

Give your lady some fine truffles for Valentine's Day, and maybe she'll return the favor with a package of GoodHead flavored gel. Or, as a first runner up, Small Batch Brittle's IPA Beer Brittle...