Candy

Brittle Brothers Bacon Peanut Brittle

$9.99 Amazon »

Good news, dudes! Brittle Brothers Bacon Peanut Brittle is cholesterol free! That means you can eat as much as you want of the Nashville-made candy packed with 4 times more nuts and real bacon, and it won't make you fat...

Brisket Candy Canes

$19.99 Amazon »

Sorry, family, we can't afford a beef tenderloin this year, but may I offer you one of these Brisket Candy Canes instead? Archie McPhee says he cooked them "low and slow," so they're probably nearly as good as a succulent...

Koko Nuggz

$11.87 Koko Nuggz »

Koko Nuggz weed-themed treats are so fun, so poppable, and so full of sugar and Rice Krispie carbs that even without the THC they'll probably get you high. Or, according to the Koko Nuggz nugget bakers, at least "shock...

Cadbury Dairy Milk Egg 'n' Spoon with Oreo Filling

Sold Out Amazon »

Oooh, Cadbury is laying an O-R-E-G-G right in our laps this Easter. Their Cadbury Dairy Milk Egg 'n' Spoon line sees a sizable fowl fetus filled with, not creme, not caramel, not a baby chicken, but Oreo filling!...

ChoClits

Why does this ChoClit taste fi-...naaah, I'm not gonna say it. Especially since ChoClits seller Firebox has already done one better than I ever could with their description of what I'm sure is a generally genitally delicious...

Best D*ck Ever Box of Chocolates

$39.99 Etsy »

A Best D*ck Ever box of chocolates. Handmade from the finest Belgian beans. Dudes, receiving a gift like this is how you know you've chosen well in life. The person gifting you this supreme compliment wrapped in a tasty...

Seligo Bean-to-Cube Unrefined Dark Chocolate Cubes

$27.90 Amazon »

Seligo Dark Chocolate Cubes aim to be as poppable as M&Ms, without all the corn syrup and Red Dye No. whatever. In fact, Seligo calls their chocolate "bean to cube" (a play on "bean to bar" and, presumably, "farm to table")...

Chocolate Penguins

L.A. Burdick Chocolates has whipped up this winning waddle of penguins to wish you - and your choco-lovin' belly - Happy Holidays! The chocolatier's Chocolate Penguins gift box contains 9 "tuxedoed birds of Antarctica"...

Reese's Peanut Butter Ugly Sweater Candy

The Reese's Peanut Butter Ugly Sweater candy is a 2021 holiday exclusive from Hershey's. And while I am in the minority of people who do not like the saccharine chocolate and dry, chalky peanut butter comprising Reese's...

Brach's Candy Corn Turkey Dinner

Sold Out Amazon »

Brach's Candy Corn Turkey Dinner may seem expensive for candy corn, but think of how cheap it is for a turkey dinner. With apple pie and coffee included for dessert! Mama won't even have to cook this Thanksgiving!...

Martin's Chocolatier Luxury Chocolate Planets

Sold Out Amazon »

At first I saw this box of Chocolate Planets and was like, "1-2-3-4...9! Martin's Chocolatier didn't diss Pluto in their presentation of our solar system in luxury confection form!" But then I read the Chocolate Planet...

Freeze-Dried Candy

$8 Etsy »

Skittles and Starburst and SweetTarts, oh my! Skittles and Starburst and SweetTarts, freeze-dried! Stellar Rabbit Foods has the stellar down indeed with their collection of freeze-dried candy. The magic of sugary fan...

Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots

Even though carrots and peanut butter have always been a pretty good pair, Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots take the combination to a whole new level of greatness. Namely because Reese's Peanut Butter Carrots contain no...

Omnom Icelandic Chocolates

Omnom Chocolates hail from Reykjavik, where they're proud to be Iceland's first and only bean-to-bar chocolate, as well as a sweets peddler that uses 100% geothermal energy to produce its chocolatey offerings. To welcome...

Bah, Humbug! Candy Cane

$7.64 Amazon »

That's one way to go with the Bah, Humbug! Candy Cane. Whiting out its jolly red stripes. Eliminating its trademark peppermint flavor. Devoiding the candy cane of all signs of Christmas spirit. It makes a funny stocking...

Baby Yoda Marshmallow-Stuffed Chocolate Ball

$9.99 Amazon »

Know what a Star Wars The Mandalorian Holiday Milk Chocolate Ball filled with surprise The Child marshmallow treat means? It's time for Baby Yoda to learn what it feels like to be the frog. I can already hear a holiday...

Koppers Martini Olive Chocolate Almonds

$12.61 Amazon »

Koppers called chocolate-covered almonds, pimento-stuffed olives, almond-stuffed olives, and pregnant women into a market research group to help them decide what the best flavor combination and psych-out optical illusion...

Jelly Belly Extreme BeanBoozled Gift Box

Sold Out Amazon »

Jelly Belly's Extreme BeanBoozled Gift Box stands at the ready for inclusion in your kid's Easter basket this year. You might need to cover the lid, or dump the collection of Barf, Booger, Canned Dog Food, Dead Fish...

I Love Your Penis Box of Chocolates

$33.99 Etsy »

Guess which dude got an I Love Your Penis box of chocolates this morning for Valentine's Day? Yep, that's right, my Aunt Jan's new boyfriend. What this dude got? A phone call from my mama telling me all about it. Gah!...

Edible Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Sold Out Amazon »

Ohboyohboyohboy, a replica Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man you can eat! I won't say he's giant because, well, we've seen what an actual giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man looks like in the movie. But at 10.6 ounces...

Keto-Friendly Gummy Fish

Discontinued

I do love me some Swedish Fish, and fakin' it with a pack of Sweet Fish Gummies will cost me just 3 grams of sugar and 80 calories. However, there is a downside. Some associated costs, if you will...

Blue Cheese Lollipops

Should I have filed Blue Cheese Lollipops under the Gross instead of the Candy category? I guess it depends on how you feel about blue cheese. And lollipops. About mixing sweet and savory. About stinky suckers. About...

Bob Ross Happy Little Tree Mints

$5.47 Amazon »

This time, Bob Ross' Happy Little Trees are here in a reign of terror. Prepare your bad breath to die in a peppermint assault!...

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Emoji Bars

$0.99 Hershey's »

Oh hey, it's a milk chocolate Emoshey's Bar. Hershoji's Bar? Hersheyoji's? It's a Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar with emoji squares!...