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Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The 100 MPH Bicycle
By: Donhou

And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder Tom Donhou more...

Friday, May 03, 2013
Loopwheels - Integral Suspension Bike Wheels
$357 - $1,553 from Kickstarter »

People out there lucky in the sense that they know how to ride a bike but unlucky in the sense that doing so jars their spines and brains and generates great discomfort in the crotchal region, say hello to Loopwheels. Loopwheels are more...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013
ONDA Cycle
$299 - $350 from Kickstarter »

ONDA terms itself a recumbent stunt bike/trike that can also be used to commute to work. Commute to work? What am I, the imp from Game of Thrones? Cee Lo Green? I'm not willingly placing a 3-foot-high version of myself amongst throngs of people who tower over and could potentially squash me or else spill their $8 organic fair-trade pour-over lattes on my head. I'm just gonna keep driving to work more...

Sunday, January 20, 2013
Hyperice - Recovery of the Future
$79.99 - $119.99 from Amazon »

When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas heckle me more...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Bike Pump Seat Post
$39.99 from Amazon »

It's like sitting on air. Literally...yet...somehow minus the perceived comfort of actually sitting on air. Because although BioLogic's PostPump 2.0 has converted a high-capacity bicycle tire pump into a bicycle seat post, the end result more...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013
King of the Ring Fitness Arcade Game
$5,000 from Kickstarter »

Nexersys calls their King of the Ring arcade game a "virtual fighting ring" but one look at all those full-contact pads and the surrounding cage and I am 95% sure that I would sustain non-virtual injuries while using it. Drawings depict the MMA-style fitness crusaders' latest cranial explosion, a follow-up to their Home NXS and Pro NXS fitness and skill trainers, currently available for purchase more...

Friday, March 22, 2013
Poweriser Extreme Sport Leg Extensions
$258 - $403 from Amazon »

Extreme sport leg extensions. I'll say. Maybe you could strap on a pair of Poweriser stilts and bound around like a bunny rabbit, leaping up to 6-1/2' in the air, taking 16' giant steps, and running 100m sprints without breaking a sweat. more...

Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The BikeSpike
$175 - $199 from Kickstarter »

Maybe if theft hadn't plagued the rough & tumble town I grew up in, I would have learned to ride a bike when I was little. Genetic blessings of coordination and proprioception could have contributed to my cause too. Kids today, though, more...

Thursday, April 04, 2013
Paratrooper Tactical Mountain Bike
$899 from Montague »

Montague collaborated with DARPA to develop its Paratrooper, a high-speed, all-terrain tactical mountain bike that folds at the turn of a lever into a 3' x 3' pack in less than 30 seconds. Obviously, it was specked for military use. more...

Sunday, March 10, 2013
The $30,000 Lamborghini Bicycle
$32,505 from BMC Switzerland »

The 50th Anniversary Lamborghini Edition impec is the bike P. Diddy or Kanye West would buy if they took up cycling. Which is to say if they learned to ride a bicycle. Oh the comedy that would ensue the first time Puffy or World's Largest more...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Saturday, February 11, 2012
High Altitude Training Mask
$89.98 from Amazon »

The high altitudes of Nepal, Machu Picchu, and Denver may naturally administer pulmonary resistance that conditions human lungs, and improves athletic endurance, but who wants to spend the time and money to travel there? More importantly, more...

Friday, August 26, 2011
Sucker Identifier
$3.25 from Amazon »

It looks like the powers that be, in a clandestine effort to identify all of the easily manipulated minds in the country, have incorporated a shell company to produce a bracelet which claims that just by wearing it, your body will magically more...

Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Amiigo Fitness Tracker
$99 - $119 from indiegogo »

What if you had a tiny device to track your reps, sets, duration, speed, and intensity? Would you work out more? Would you work out harder? Yeah, me neither, but I'd use it to barter with a strong, fit person who actually would in exchange more...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012
SISU War Hammer
$125 from Rogue Fitness »

SISU! is the Finnish word for stubborn determination, and an appropriate moniker for a 28-pound War Hammer that has a predominantly fitness-based application, but could also wallop the ever loving Fuck You out of the Delorean that's more...

Monday, August 06, 2012
Big-O Stunt Skates

Despite their being shaped like big Os, I'm not sure about Big-O as a name for these stunt skates. I'm pretty sure if I were to try them, the words "Big O" would not be at the forefront of my mind. I'd call mine Big I Didn't Think My more...

Monday, January 28, 2013
Pee-wee Herman Cycling Suit
$149.99 from Podium Cycling »

When I first heard about the Pee-wee Herman cycling suit I thought I had been proven wrong in my contention that nothing on earth could make cyclists look any more ridiculous than they already do. Seriously, does any sport have a worse more...

Saturday, March 16, 2013
The Hydrosleeve
$39 from indiegogo »

Water bottles for the arm may not be a novel concept, but the Hydrosleeve is the first water bladder I've seen that caters to the upper body's favorite appendage. For runners and people seeking a way to kiss their massive guns without more...

Thursday, April 25, 2013
LIT Extreme Sports Stat Tracker
$99 - $139 from indiegogo »

Like other fitness monitors on the market, LIT can track common athletic pursuits, such as walking, running, and swimming. But it changes the game of stat hoarding and analysis with its integration of detection tools for movements unique more...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Treadmill Rock Wall

I feel like the Treadwall--a rock wall on a treadmill-style conveyor belt--might be the ultimate example of something that appears to be really easy, but in practice makes 80% of its users look like complete assholes. Kind of like the more...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Demon Bells
$149.99 from Demon Bells »

Just in case the implications of heaving a 72-pound concentrated mass of steel back and forth near your head doesn't scare you enough, DemonBells have added the creepy faces you see in your nightmares to the mix. more...

Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Human Slingshot

Chest bumps, head butts, and sharp kicks to the shins unite! The Human Slingshot is here to bring new meaning to the lead-in, "Guess who I ran into the other day?" The human-sized stretchable band, 4 close friends (or mortal enemies, more...

Friday, February 22, 2013
LUMOback Posture Sensor
$149 from LUMOback »

While I would prefer a device and app that cures the back pain caused by my poor posture, I suppose a combo that encourages me to improve my posture to preclude back pain is...well...a distant second since it basically requires me to more...

Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Stationary Epicycle
$12,000 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

Monowheels, or monocycles--huge, single-track circus contraptions riders sit inside instead of on top of--have been around since the late 19th century, and were at one point proposed for use as a serious mode of transportation. As if more...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Fangs Mouthguard
$29.99 from Amazon »

Kick ass in the image of MMA Heavyweight Champ Andrei Arlovski, NBA Champ LeBron James, or Blood-Draining Champ Dracula. TITLE's Fang Mouthguard is made from PolyShok, a material they claim has 150% more energy absorbency than traditional more...

Sunday, July 01, 2012
Portable Sauna
$228 from Amazon »

Although it appears to be a handy portable torture device for captured spies or fraternity pledges, what we actually have before us is an Infrared Sauna for at-home use. Replete with two, 600-watt heaters purported to stymie fat cells, more...

Friday, August 03, 2012
Kilo Glow-in-the-Dark Bike
$399 from Pure Fix Cycles »

Come on, Mom, please? It's a safety precaution. I mean, what's $400 when it could mean the difference between me cruising home fully visible and unscathed, or unseen and dumped at the ER with spokes impaling my leg and my nose turned more...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012
R2D2 Water Bottle
$87.99 from Amazon »

My preparations to defend the Galactic Republic during thrice-weekly light saber sparring sessions in the parking lot under I-5 were working up a wicked thirst. A thirst the water from those plebeian store-bought plastic bottles just more...

Monday, February 13, 2012
Smooshy Face Stress Balls
$40.70 from Kibardin Design »

Feeling stressed? Anxious? Aggressive? Don't take it out on the nonnative English speaker administering over-the-phone tech support, take it out on Ge!, Ni!, Ho!, and Poo! Cao Marus are smooshy Japanese stress relievers with alluringly more...

Thursday, August 11, 2011
PowerBlock Classic Adjustable Dumbbell Set
$299.99 from Amazon »

For what you're getting here, the price cannot be beat. These are solid, easily adjustable and very easy to use. Ranging from 5 to 45 pounds look no further for your entire home gym needs than these dumbbells. more...

Sunday, January 22, 2012
WiFi Bathroom Scale and Health Tracker
$183 from Firebox.com »

The making of New Year's resolutions is behind us, and now we enter the murky waters of keeping them. And since increased exercise and improved diet are both the most frequently tried, and most frequently failed quests toward self-improvement, more...

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