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Timber Rattler Scarab Back Giant Pocket Knife

$19.69 from Amazon »

Are you happy to see me, or is that just a Timber Rattler Scarab Back in your pocket? This monster of a lockback knife has an 8" stainless steel blade that folds into a grey pakkawood scaled handle. It's my #1 choice...

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Feisty Pets

$19.99 - $29.99 from Amazon »

These Feisty Pets are the perfect way to teach your kids about the true nature of animals. All cuddly puppy and squishy bear and magical unicorn at first sight, but get too close and...Rrrrrawwwrrr! Back the F off, son...

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Be Good / Stay Evil Decision Coin

$15 from Amazon »

Santa, I swear, it's this coin's fault I've been naughty all year. Every time I flipped it the fates told me to "Stay Evil." Yeah, I know it's almost statistically impossible to get the "Stay Evil" side up repeatedly...

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Executive Drop Mic

$29.99 from Amazon »

Doooshhh! The sound of a mic drop. Or rather, the sound you make with your mouth when you mime a mic drop. Or maybe, the sound a mic makes when you do an actual mic drop, followed immediately by D'oh!, the sound you make...

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The Moon Ring

$18.95 from Amazon »

Did I say the Scary Intruder prop was a good way to find out how hard and fast my girlfriend punches? Well. That's because I hadn't see The Moon Ring yet. I feel like this prank's tagline should be: "Give her The Moon...

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Prank Star Poo Dough

$7.99 from Amazon »

It's even more gratifying when you make it yourself! Poo Dough is an easy DIY prank that looks and, depending on what one might have eaten last night, feels almost exactly like the real thing! Spray some patchouli on...

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Snore Stopper ZZZZZZ Boxing Glove Stick

$19.95 from Amazon »

The Snore Stopper ZZZZZZ Boxing Glove Stick is for all the kind wives who get their husbands a gift for Father's Day. It goes over especially well not as a gift for him to open, but as a surprise gift for him to discover...

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Do Your Park Magnets

$14.99 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

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The TAC-SAC Rail Accessory

$39.99 from Tac Sac »

Last time me and my friend Cornelius played paintball he kept getting nailed and hiding and whining like a little goat until finally everyone was like, Dude, you need to grow a pair! And he was all, Dude! It's not me...

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Giant Microbes Heart Burned Gift Box

$20.31 from Amazon »

Happy Red Tuesday all you dudes and ladies out there prepping to give your significant other the ax tonight. Yes, it's true. The Tuesday before Valentine's Day is the busiest break-up day of the year. It's the last possible...

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Trinitite Specimen

$32.95 from Amazon »

You can cook up Trinitite only in a nuclear kitchen. The material comes from the US' nuclear test blast of the Trinity Bomb in New Mexico on July 16, 1945. It was Dr. Frankensteined when the intense heat of the explosion...

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Cheat Sheet for Men

Sold Out from Amazon »

No, dudes, the Cheat Sheet is not a wallet-sized card designed for recording all of your transgressions (though that probably exists somewhere out there too). In fact, it's almost the opposite: a wallet-sized card for...

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Oda Nobunaga Samurai Scissors

Don't bring scissors to a sword fight. Unless! Unless those scissors are katana-bladed samurai scissors! This pair of Oda Nobunaga Scissors by Nikken Cutlery have been designed in the likeness of powerful Japanese warlord...

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Millennium Falcon Blueprint LED Lamp

Sold Out from Amazon »

Have you been searching for the perfect blueprint light? Me too. And wow. This 16-color LED desk lamp went with the Millennium Falcon as its subject! I thought I was going to be stuck with, like, the White House or some...

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Darth Vader Stove

Dutchman Danny Kemkers has designed and brought to life this Darth Vader fireplace for the garden. And, and! He is raffling it off on his Facebook page. And, and! All you have to do to enter the drawing is Like his message...

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The Jacks Crying Candles

$28 - $48 from The Jacks »

A few things about the Jacks. 1) They are candles niftily designed to cry at you. Like a mime or sad clown. Or 2) A sinister skull whose tears stem from his melting braaaaain. Or 3) A bunny. That looks a little like that...

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EggMap Stress Ball Navigators

You might consider EggMaps superfluous in our age of nearly infallible GPS navigators and Google Maps that can walk you up and down every street in Budapest from your couch. But Hungarian design student Denes Sator still...

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Inflatable Floating Bathtub

$64.97 from Amazon »

Bathtime anytime! This portable inflatable bathtub fills up for sudsing up in front of the TV, outside the RV, even on the lake. Because, yes, it also floats. And with a zip-up top cover to keep the water warm, built-in...

Stay Cool or Hot: The Best Vacuum Insulated Water Bottles
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Marvel Superhero Family Car Decals

Sold Out from Amazon »

Usually I hope a giant flock of pigeons craps on those cars with the stick figure family decals on them...unless the scene goes on to show T-Rex eating everyone...but I don't think I'd find these Marvel superhero versions...

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Baby Up In This B*tch Car Decal

$4.99 from Amazon »

Step back, son, and give this minivan a wide berth. Because the soccer mom driving it: 1) is a terrible speed-up-slow-down-please-just-pick-a-lane driver; 2) keeps yelling at her 8-year-old to put the lid back on his...

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XM42 Handheld Flamethrower

$699 from XM42 »

The XM42 aims to be the world's first commercially available handheld flamethrower. Free of pressurized tanks and car-wash sprayers, and simple for most anyone to use, it also calls itself "what a real flamethrower should...

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Darth Vader Color-Changing Lamp

$18.99 from Amazon »

Luke, I am your father. And as such, there are a few things you should know about me. For example, in my free time, I enjoy attending raves. Dancing one's ass off to Kaskade is an exceptional way to clear the mind and...

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The Best Prank Birthday Card Ever

$7.99 from Amazon »

Now my favorite birthday gifts come in the form of a Peeping Creeper at the bedroom window or talking an amateur heavyweight UFC fighter into accusing my friend Cornelius of sleeping with his girlfriend, but if you're...

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Raiders of the Lost Ark Melting Toht Candle

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

Nothing like a hot day in the south or the Ark of the Covenant to make you feel like your face is gonna melt off. Though after my wee and innocent 6-year-old eyes were scarred for life watching Major Arnold Ernst Toht...

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Got Snipped Vasectomy Gift Baskets

$34.99 - $75.99 from Got Snipped »

It's that mad, mad, mad, mad time of year. With March comes Selection Sunday. With Selection Sunday comes the NCAA Tournament. And with the NCAA Tournament comes...vasectomies. Lots and lots of vasectomies. More vasectomies...

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Gallium Spoon Mold

$69.99 from Amazon »

Now that you know about the weird science of gallium, you're probably wondering what the WTF you can do with it once you've scored a nugget. My suggestion: spoon gag. Slightly more sophisticated than "Pull my finger"...

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Ship Your Enemies Glitter

I just read the best analogy of anything ever on ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com: "Glitter is the herpes of the craft world." Oh hell yeah it is. Glitter is hideous. Glitter spreads like wildfire. Glitter gets into crevices...

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The Golden Douchebag Trophy

$7.99 from Perpetual Kid »

You want tidings of comfort and joy? Well here you go: Merry Christmas, you old Golden Douchebag, you....

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Uranium Ore

$39.95 from Amazon »

This jar of Uranium Ore--or, as I like to call it, Instant Mutant Candy--contains real samples of NORM, Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials. Each container's label lists its contents' Counts Per Minute activity...

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Ladobi Erotic Film Earphones

$30.69 from Firebox.com »

If you're going to spend a fine Wednesday evening listening to people F softly, screw gently, hump sweetly, ball discreetly, and then F'ing bone completely, wouldn't you prefer that they not sound like Jack Black scraping...

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Stress Mushrooms

$9.50 from Firebox.com »

Uh, this one's for the ladies, I presume? Squishy mushrooms for smashing and stretching and gouging and batting against the wall. Combat stress by inflicting pain upon the Enokis. By making the Shitake feel as Shitake...

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In Case Of Cabinets

$188 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

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Batman Branding Iron

Discontinued

The Batman branding iron "is not a toy! You can do some serious damage to people and property with this hot item if you aren't careful! By purchasing this item you are agreeing to not hold us accountable for anything...

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The Spy Bolt

$25.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Given that I've only ever been called handy that one time when my mama walked in on me while I was...when she should have knocked, my personal possession of the Spy Bolt would probably raise more suspicions than if I...

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NHL Goal Light & Horn

$49.99 from Amazon »

The NHL Goal Light with horn is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. (Thank you, thank you very much.) Except it has the additional perk of arriving pre-programmed with all 30 NHL teams' authentic goal noises, selectable...

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Self-Destructing Spy Paper

$10.99 - $13.99 from Amazon »

The best part about this self-destructing spy paper isn't that it exists or can fill some kitschy novelty gift order. The best part about the writing medium designed to dissolve in seconds when introduced to liquid is...

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Magic Sand

$9.88 from Amazon »

It's hydrophobic sand. Water-abhorring sand. H2-Ohhh-Nooo! sand. That's not to say it never learned to swim because its mama spent its swim lessons money on black market Ritalin, just that it physically repels water....

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Black Useless Box Kit

Sold Out from Amazon »

This black box is nearly impossible to put together. Ninety-nine percent of those who try will fail. But for the always-elite 1%, once your corners are aligned and screws affixed, the world will be your oyster. Flip the...

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Sorry For Driving So Close In Front Car Decal

$1.84 from Amazon »

I don't really like smug car decals like this because I think anyone who needs to be sorry for driving sooo close in front of me should be plucked from the road and tossed into a tar pit by the hand of God. However, I...

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Nose Outlet

Usually the best part about any Japanese product is the video they make to go with it. This Hanaga Tap, or nose outlet's, may not be as bizarre and exaggerated as some, but given that they make the development of a human...

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Reloadable Confetti High Fives

$9.95 from Fiesta Five »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

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MacGyver Toolkit

Discontinued

What's not included in the MacGyver Toolkit? According to iFixit, nothing but the mullet. For those of you too young to remember Angus MacGyver, here is what this pocket-sized secret agent's Altoids tin will get you one...

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Support the Troops Car Decal

Sold Out from Amazon »

Ten cents from every one of these Support the Troops car decals sold will go toward building the next Death Star. Good news for members of the Dark Side. A terrible blow, though, to Jedis and Rebel supporters. Who's going...

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45 Caliber Gun Key Blank

Sold Out from Amazon »

Sold as a blank, Schlage Lock Company's 45 caliber pistol key cuts to fully loaded and ready to fire up the car, blast open the front door, or shoot up the lid to the porn stash and secret cell phone your wife believes...

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Star Wars Sunshade

$10.49 from Amazon »

Would it be too much of a conflict of interest to get a Star Wars sunshade featuring the Millennium Falcon crew for my windshield if I already have Darth Vader floor mats installed? I mean, on the one hand they're going...

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Your Stick Figure Family Was Delicious Decal

$2.95 from Amazon »

The problem with free speech is that it makes everyone think it's OK for them to say something. For our forefathers, free speech meant frank debates and sweeping public addresses. Today it means Facebook tirades, anonymous...

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Mini Museum - Portable Curiosities Collection

$99 - $239 from mini museum »

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want...

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Gulpo - Car-Decal-Eating Decal

$12 from SMBC »

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...