A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

Novelty

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014
$48.39 from Firebox.com »

If you're going to spend a fine Wednesday evening listening to people F softly, screw gently, hump sweetly, ball discreetly, and then F'ing bone completely, wouldn't you prefer that they not sound like Jack Black scraping...

Sunday, September 28, 2014
$188 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

Saturday, May 3, 2014
$44.95 from Amazon »

This black box is nearly impossible to put together. Ninety-nine percent of those who try will fail. But for the always-elite 1%, once your corners are aligned and screws affixed, the world will be your oyster. Flip the box's switch On to take Earth over. Then watch your mischievous righthand finger sneak out and flip it back Off to activate a galactic nuclear apocalypse....

Friday, October 10, 2014
$9.50 from Firebox.com »

Uh, this one's for the ladies, I presume? Squishy mushrooms for smashing and stretching and gouging and batting against the wall. Combat stress by inflicting pain upon the Enokis. By making the Shitake feel as Shitake as you...

Friday, January 3, 2014

Here's a Swiss bank safe for you to put in your living room. Or your back yard. Your secret catacombs? Somewhere roomy, guarded, and secure, because one thing's for sure: the vault's self-contained 1,619 safe deposit boxes...

Friday, May 31, 2013
$21.60 from Amazon »

The chemical element Gallium does not exist in pure form in nature, but since it's so magical and badass looking all solid-to-liquid-at-the-touch-of-a-human-hand and all, of course man figured out a way to extract it from bauxite and zinc ores to use as his personal plaything. The shiny silver masses begin liquifying at 85.85 degrees F; when held on the palm and spoken to sweetly in iambic pentameter...

Friday, June 7, 2013
$46.95 from Amazon »

Not only is aerogel the world's lightest solid with a composition of 99.8% air (carbon dioxide) and 0.2% silica gel, and not only does it have sick nicknames, such as "frozen smoke" and "blue smoke", but it also has the capability...

Tuesday, August 26, 2014
$34 from Etsy »

The Batman branding iron "is not a toy! You can do some serious damage to people and property with this hot item if you aren't careful! By purchasing this item you are agreeing to not hold us accountable for anything dumb...

Thursday, April 3, 2014
$9.95 from Fiesta Five »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April 17...

Friday, July 11, 2014
$25.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Given that I've only ever been called handy that one time when my mama walked in on me while I was...when she should have knocked, my personal possession of the Spy Bolt would probably raise more suspicions than if I just...

Tuesday, March 11, 2014
$2.99 from Amazon »

Sold as a blank, Schlage Lock Company's 45 caliber pistol key cuts to fully loaded and ready to fire up the car, blast open the front door, or shoot up the lid to the porn stash and secret cell phone your wife believes are...

Wednesday, February 26, 2014
$99 - $239 from mini museum »

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want you...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

It's 2.2 pounds--or what the rest of the world calls 1 kilogram--of tactile stimulation and scientific wonderment. While all sand can technically enjoy kinetic activities, Kinetic Sand claims the additional bragging rights...

Sunday, July 7, 2013
$3.99 from Amazon »

My friend Cornelius put one of these prank bumper stickers on my car the other day, and even though I realized it was magnetic and therefore easily removed shortly after retracing my drive to the soft-serve ice cream shop...

Sunday, November 18, 2012

If the Ostrich Pillow doesn't provide enough coverage and anonymity for your power naps, how about the patent-pending Sleep Suit? Designed by Architect Forrest Jessee as an experimental medium for testing out Buckminster Fuller's...

Monday, September 3, 2012
$72 from Singulier »

Austrian company Gerhard Göbharter GmbH has been manufacturing the Berloque, World's (Probably) Smallest Pistol, in its infinite practicality and cuteness since 1905. Approximately 124 steps and 15 individual parts come together...

Wednesday, December 25, 2013
$10.99 from Amazon »

Merry Christmas to all! Especially my friend Cornelius, who is sulky this year on account of his girlfriend having dumped him at Thanksgiving! This breakup was, of course, the best Xmas gift I myself could have received, and...

Saturday, March 30, 2013
$9.99 from Bacon Salt »

Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third world...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
$9.95 from iFixit »

What's not included in the MacGyver Toolkit? According to iFixit, nothing but the mullet. For those of you too young to remember Angus MacGyver, here is what this pocket-sized secret agent's Altoids tin will get you one step...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
$14.99 from Amazon »

Would it be too much of a conflict of interest to get a Star Wars sunshade featuring the Millennium Falcon crew for my windshield if I already have Darth Vader floor mats installed? I mean, on the one hand they're going to...

Tuesday, February 4, 2014
$10 from Amazon »

This 2 oz. bottle of Luminol contains the exact formula used worldwide by Crime Scene Investigators. The way you get its blue chemiluminescence to show is simple. 1) Bleed all over something. 2) Clean it up. 3) Spray Luminol...

Saturday, May 17, 2014
$10.99 - $13.99 from Amazon »

The best part about this self-destructing spy paper isn't that it exists or can fill some kitschy novelty gift order. The best part about the writing medium designed to dissolve in seconds when introduced to liquid is some...

Friday, July 5, 2013
$12.22 from Amazon »

Crazy Aaron says his Liquid Glass Thinking Putty is "so clear you'll think the can is empty." Well thanks for the warning, Crazy A, because I'm tired of spending the money I work so hard to earn from my mama's allowance account...

Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

I think metal is OK, and I think liquid is OK, but for some reason if you put them together, "OK" turns into SO FUCKING RAD. (Huh. I just realized I feel similarly about vodka and this girl Karin I know). And when it comes...

Tuesday, March 4, 2014
$2.75 from Amazon »

The problem with free speech is that it makes everyone think it's OK for them to say something. For our forefathers, free speech meant frank debates and sweeping public addresses. Today it means Facebook tirades, anonymous...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sold Out from threadless »

I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked by...

Sunday, April 28, 2013
Discontinued

At first I was like, "Huh. Star Wars auction paddles and rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Ummm...neat?" But then I looked up what BDSM is* and suddenly the gallery of items before me got a lot more interesting. GeekKink's Star...

Friday, October 25, 2013
$10.58 from Amazon »

Who wants to dissipate a crowd? Shorten the line to get into Comic-Con? Gain some alone time with the Mona Lisa at the Louvre? Convince the cop you really were going 120 in response to massive GI issues? Nasal Nausea, a military-grade...

Monday, June 24, 2013
$295 - $1,689 from Twinkind »

A miniature exact replica of mine own self, scanned and 3D printed to order? Hmmm. How about a gargantuan, like 10:1, 3D-printed twin that I can fill with air as I would a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon and float around...

Friday, June 6, 2014
$49.99 from Amazon »

The NHL Goal Light with horn is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. (Thank you, thank you very much.) Except it has the additional perk of arriving pre-programmed with all 30 NHL teams' authentic goal noises, selectable...

Friday, February 21, 2014
$12 from SMBC »

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

Sunday, June 2, 2013
$39 - $127 from Broquet »

Broquets are cornucopias of real man stuff sent to real men...plus women who don't want no stinkin' roses, and would rather have a vat of hot sauce that puts hair on their chest than a box of chocolates that puts pounds on...

Saturday, November 9, 2013
Discontinued

Apparently, we're allowed to take aim only at the Dark Side. Sneaky Studios didn't design any of their Star Wars shooting targets with Luke or Han or Yoda behind the bullseye, which in a way cuts out an entire buyer demographic...

Tuesday, May 6, 2014
$17.09 from Amazon »

It's hydrophobic sand. Water-abhorring sand. H2-Ohhh-Nooo! sand. That's not to say it never learned to swim because its mama spent its swim lessons money on black market Ritalin, just that it physically repels water. It never...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013
$1.95 - $6.99 from Amazon »

Now drive slow, honey, it's not a race. Ha! Clearly that bit of motherly wisdom is a crock, as indicated by this vehicle manufacturer-issued decal right here on my side view mirror. It is a race, Mama. And all of those VW...

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Usually the best part about any Japanese product is the video they make to go with it. This Hanaga Tap, or nose outlet's, may not be as bizarre and exaggerated as some, but given that they make the development of a human nose...

Saturday, March 15, 2014
Sold Out from Amazon »

Ten cents from every one of these Support the Troops car decals sold will go toward building the next Death Star. Good news for members of the Dark Side. A terrible blow, though, to Jedis and Rebel supporters. Who's going...

Tuesday, April 15, 2014
$2.38 from Amazon »

I don't really like smug car decals like this because I think anyone who needs to be sorry for driving sooo close in front of me should be plucked from the road and tossed into a tar pit by the hand of God. However, I accept...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
By: Blogspot

If they're gonna make us wear helmets when we ride our bikes, then we might as well make a powerful fashion statement while following their rules. Enter the R2D2 helmet. Girl has some skills. Pretty cute too....

Friday, March 9, 2012

Many of us used to think travel to and within the Galactic Republic was impossible due to its being make believe. But now we all know the truth that real Star Wars fans have always known: up until 2010, the Intergalactic Identity...

Wednesday, September 18, 2013
$2,299.99 from Entertainment Earth »

My life-size Iron Man statue needs a buddy. Or a nemesis so I can choreograph elaborate sparring bouts for the two of them in my head. Or how about Tony Stark can be my super-ego and this 6' tall stormtrooper my id, and together...

Sunday, January 5, 2014
$22.37 from Amazon »

Oh good, it's Billy the Puppet poised to nod and smirk at me all day long. That mouth doesn't actually move, does it? And that tricycle doesn't actually roll, does it? What are the odds that a bobblehead from Saw arrives as...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I bet you didn't know Eva Unit 01 was also highly adept at manipulating the three states of matter. Well, two of the three anyway. Here to keep your home or office moist and safe from itchy skin and dry eyeballs is the Neon...

Wednesday, August 21, 2013
$229.99 from Amazon »

Is there any sight more precious and heartwarming than a loved one sleeping peacefully within the jaws of a shark? Oh come on, in a way he's protecting them. I hear that even kidnappers, bogeymen, and dogs who like humping...

Friday, August 23, 2013

You know how some people pour vodka in their eye or, like, soak a tampon in it and then stick it up their butt to get drunk quick and calorie-free? Well now there's a similar--albeit safer and way less disgusting--way to introduce...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012
$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

Who better to scrape the 8 inches of snow and half-inch screen of mother f'in ice off your windshield this winter than the abominable snowman himself? Or at least his severed limb. Slide on the Wampa Ice Scraper Mitt, and...

Saturday, September 15, 2012
$7 from 604 Republic »

About. Damn. Time. I hate this little prick. I could throw darts at Joffrey Baratheon's face all day long. I mean, I could shoot at it too, but my aim isn't so hot, and it would be a bummer to miss and hit someone I don't...

Saturday, August 27, 2011
$10.39 from Amazon »

Finally. After years of research and millions of dollars in funding, we've found a way to capture that amazing ass smell in the form of a liquid to spray all over our enemies unsuspecting friends before they leave for a job...

Monday, March 11, 2013
$1.60 - $11.59 from Amazon »

It's kind of funny because if you pull the pin...well, in this case the whole grenade...the tire will, well, not explode, but sort of implode as it loses air. Though I guess just removing the valve cap doesn't exactly release...

Thursday, March 21, 2013
$1,200 from Etsy »

Whoa, I guess that guy from Slipknot died. And resourceful Brian Kubasco was able to convert his head and decorative cranial rods into an historical instrument used to measure and compare the external dimensions of human skulls....

Sunday, December 2, 2012
$59.96 from Amazon »

Bob Ross. The artist with the voice of a babbling brook and the hair of a filigree bush. Who, coincidentally, mostly paints babbling brooks and filigree bushes. Despite Mitt Romney's attempts to crush it, PBS remains at the...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
$6.75 from Amazon »

Shooting rubber bands, using pens to shoot rubber bands, using pen springs to shoot the ink inserts of pens themselves at mineral fiber ceiling tiles in hopes of getting one to stick...it's a generalized concept as old as...

Saturday, September 28, 2013
$36.57 from Amazon »

More surprising than that bullet knives exist is that they are sold in boxes of 12. Just how many bullet knives does one need? Are they like disposable razors? Good for 3 or 4 rounds of...uh...slashing and stabbing things...

Friday, July 26, 2013
$76.95 from Amazon »

Heh, heh, Vader, I'm gonna step on your face. Make you lick my boots. Defile your image with mud and, if we're both unlucky, dog shit. Rub...hey, wait. I like Darth Vader. He repented in the end like a good Catholic, so why...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
$6.99 from Amazon »

It's a well known fact that placing a cold slab of meat over the source of your boo boos helps with the healing process. Get these, keep them in the freezer, and slab them over your paper cuts, scrapes, burns and bullet wounds...

Monday, July 2, 2012
$12.95 from NeatoShop.com »

One perk to acquiring the zombie virus--I mean in addition to looking all sexy and green-tinged and bloody--is super-calcified teeth that enable sweet party tricks, such as popping open beer bottles with a single incisor and...

Thursday, May 24, 2012
$39 from Carstache »

Carstache creator Ethan Eyler knows exactly what I'm wondering as I peruse photos of suave mustachioed VWs and Jeeps looking sexier than Burt Reynolds naked on a bearskin rug: Will affixing a mustache to my car change my life?...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011
$7.95 from Amazon »

You've made the right decision (for once) and decided to call a cab instead of brave the old one-eye closed serpentine in your own ride. Good choice. Now for the tough part. Where do you live? Whip one of these babies out...

Monday, August 20, 2012
$24.95 from NeatoShop.com »

I see NeatoShop's Zombie Back Scratcher, and I ruminate on how a brokerage of this persuasion of itch annihilation might go down. I have come up with the following:...

Monday, January 2, 2012
$4.04 from Amazon »

Two feet, four wheels, and looks of constipated determination--these grannies can definitely go. But you'll have to try them for yourself to figure out if they can go in a straight line, avoid taking out pedestrians, and finish...

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