Novelty

Testicuzzi - Jacuzzi for the Nuts

$39.95 - $10k from Testicuzzi »

Sadly - or maybe thankfully? - there are no photos of the Testicuzzi in action. At least not any this jacuzzi for the nuts' makers have published publicly. But one look at the empty hot tub - its contoured rim, its dual...

World Champion D*ck Trophy

$15.99 from Amazon »

If you've already awarded someone the Golden Douchebag Trophy, here's a World Champion Dick Trophy to hand out to the second (or newest) biggest jerk you know...

Cell Phone Jail

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It's a cell for your cell. Or, more likely, this mobile phone jail will be where your kids' phones serve time when you decide they need to break and reenter the physical world, or when they smart off, sneak out, or turn...

Pecker Pillows

$9.99 - $28.99 from Amazon »

Looking for ways to get a head? Pecker pillows, adorable plushes made to look like the heads of penises, can get you more than a head. They can get you a lot of head...

Finger Breakdancing Kit

$8.95 from Amazon »

Get fit in 2019 with Finger Breakdancing. They say it's easy on the joints, fun for the whole family, and requires coordination only from the knuckles down. Bust out the cardboard - oh, wait, it's included in the Finger...

While You Were Out Cold Notes

$8.34 from Amazon »

I don't really need While You Were Out Cold Notes to stick on my friend Cornelius when he passes out drunk. It's pretty clear what happened without a written explanation. At least as soon as he tries to stand up and finds...

The NoPhone Air

$5.99 from Amazon »

The NoPhone Air is this season's premier smartphone for anyone perpetually glued to their screen. You know, people who only look up 2 or 3 times a day, and then always seem surprised to see that humans and animals exist...

A Sack of Sh*t

$8.80 from Amazon »

And I'm not talking the emoji poo kind. Getting a Sack of Shit in your stocking this year is way worse than a lump of coal (and way, way worse than the delightfully handy Wild Coal) and giving a Sack of Shit to someone...

100 Tricks to Walk Naked Without Anyone Seeing You

$19.99 from Amazon »

I only need 1 trick to walk naked without anyone seeing me, and I've had it for a long time: I just close my eyes. If I can't see them, they can't see me...

Borrow My Pen Subversive Pen Set

$6.29 from Amazon »

What's that? Can you borrow my pen? You too? You need one? And you? Well. I don't usually do this, but I'm feeling very Oprah today, so...here you go. You get a pen, and you get a pen, and you get a pen, and...oh, I know...

Exercise Block

$10.99 from Amazon »

Stop putting off exercise until tomorrow and dreading going to the gym at lunch. Just get off your ass and walk around the block...twice...now. Trust me, it will be done before you know it...

Offensive Crayons

If your favorite pastime is being offended, get ready for hours of fun with Offensive Crayons. And even if you're open to the politically incorrect, unless you're Daniel Tosh politically incorrect, you might wince at...

Flying Pig with Flapping Wings

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This is not a real flying pig. But enough things are happening these days that my grandma said would happen when pigs fly that I gotta figure there's a litter of piglets with wings out there somewhere now. And until I...

Bowling Ball Cannon

$1,245 - $1,545 from Coaches Club Cannons »

A bowling ball cannon looks like something a dude would buy in an effort to one-up (OK, seven-up) another dude who otherwise has a better car, better house, better, job, better wife...and measly little golf ball cannon...

Pickled Boobies & Butts Jars

$7.65 - $13.90 from Etsy »

Boobies and butts, butts and boobies! Now pickled for your gustatory pleasure!...

Cat House for Humans

According to Bibi Lab, 10.4 humans per hour Tweet, "I want to be a cat!" In response to this rampant cat envy, and also because Bibi Lab is a Japanese retailer, and this sort of thing isn't even a little weird in Japan...

Dehydrated Water

$10.99 from Amazon »

Dehydrated Water: it's just like a cup of Ramen, only without the Ramen! This can of premium water is all natural and contains no artificial colors, flavors, GMOs, antibiotics, or weird, unpronounceable ingredients. And...

Senior Woman with Asthma Wall Mural

$24.01 - $59.96 from Amazon »

Need something to cover the empty 10' white wall in your dining room like I do? Senior Woman with Asthma Wall Mural. Need a housewarming gift for your friend Cornelius? Senior Woman with Asthma Wall Mural. Need someone...

Grow A Girlfriend / Boyfriend

$4.27 - $5.97 from Amazon »

Valentine's Day. The best day of the year to be single. No worries right? You just go about your day as if it were any regular day. And really, what more could you ask for? If you do want some troubles though, perhaps...

Special Ingredients Shitzlinger Action Pack

$15.96 from Amazon »

I'm not sure whether Shomer-Tec's Special Ingredients line of products are more prank or more spy. Maybe they fall somewhere in between. In case you're not familiar with these products, they come in vials filled with...

Toddler Tamers Leashless Child Ankle Weight System

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Those who balk at parents who harness and leash up their impulsive, wriggly, wandering toddlers, here ya go. Toddler Tamers eliminate the dog-owner aesthetic from an otherwise really effective child minding tactic. Instead...

Scented Croissant Stress Toy

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I don't know if a memory foamy croissant that emits the scent of mankind's greatest pastry when you squeeze it is so much a stress reliever as it is a stress creator. Holidays got you frazzled with the shopping frenzy...

Feisty Pets Santa Bear

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Remember Feisty Pets? The sweet-to-snarling stuffed animals are celebrating the holiday season with a Feisty Santa Bear, the ultimate cuddly teddy who can turn vicious grizzly in the blink of an eye. Or, more accurately...

Madballs Foam Balls

$10.90 - $13.90 from Amazon »

Weeee! Madballs are back. Just in time for Halloween and the 867th time this year I've wished so hard I could go back to the simpler days of my childhood in the 80s...