One time a couple of minutes ago I saw a patio that turned into a swimming pool! That's crazy! Almost Fletcher Capstan expandable table proportions of crazy, and definitely more in compliance with my agenda of spending the next 3 months more...
Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking down and ruining more...
Dude, I am such a sucker for things that regale and mesmerize without requiring me to determine which geometric proofs or laws of physics or wonders of nature make them work. That's why I fare so much better with optical illusions than I do with school and women. Whether you wear this ring like a pimp, or just keep it in your pocket ready to whip out at hot-chick-in-the-Planned-Parenthood-waiting-room more...
I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately, I kept staring more...
People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier, perhaps the more...
****DUDE GIVEAWAY!**** Kinekt Design is awarding one of their Gear Rings--a $165 value--to a lucky Dude reader! Gear up, scroll down, and enter in less than 2 minutes at the bottom of the page. At the end of the entry period, 1 winner will be drawn at random. more...
I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a computer so extreme more...
The LEGO Swiss Army Knife! It's not for sale yet, but if you like it, vote the Technic-Bionicle creation into official company review over at LEGO CUUSOO (the strangest and most cumbersome name for a Website I think I've ever heard, more...
Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring, has released more...
Yikes, $185 for the TARDIS fridge skin kit. But it's customized to fit your specific cooler's make and model, so at least you know it will look as sick in your own kitchen as it does in the one in the photo. And if any purchase is guaranteed more...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
Just to calm your immediate concerns, yes, the forthcoming Elio will be available in colors other than Ghostbusters Slimer. An American-made, China-priced 3-wheeler, Elio heralds itself as a next-generation personal transporter. Able more...
Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to mean the same more...
Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as I like to call more...
Father's Day is June 16th. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth. And who says you have to limit more...
Dungeons & Dragons Clue, that seems appropriate. No joke, it really does. An obvious marriage, really, not one of these Montague-Capulet mergers that rains death and mayhem upon both families. Though I guess the very natures of both more...
I thought it would do something cutesy like stay frozen on 4:20, but nay. The Grindrite keeps real time too! Though usually after a few tokes of the good stuff my friend Victor procures I'm not really able to comprehend the meaning more...
I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used to wash up my more...
Sick of hearing about the Zombie Apocalypse? Me too. I'm also sick of hearing about how pretty soon my mama's going to kick me out of her house and stop paying for my cell phone bill and all of my chips and cereal, thus forcing me to more...
Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica of the computer-animated more...
Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile version of more...
In discussing the Back to the Future DeLorean external hard drive with my friend Bartholomew, he raised a couple of fair questions: 1) 750 GB for $385?! What, is that an October 26, 1985 storage capacity and technology price point? more...
Be advised: Although Phillip Isherwood's custom crafted lightsabers blaze LED spectral force fields of green, red, or blue and arrive with 36" long polycarbonate blades designed for full speed, full contact dueling, he wants to be clear more...
Due to its being dramatic and showstopping and incredibly F'ing rad, Hilden & Diaz's Forms in Nature forest projection light sculpture has earned viral popularity this week. To the point that the artists are planning a Kickstarter project more...
While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole Comfort attribute more...
With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance, and more more...
This Trigger iPhone 5 case looks heavy. Like I'll either develop a disproportionately muscular right arm from lifting and holding it to my ear, or I'll finally succumb to one of those GD earpieces I hate so much* because I'm too weak more...
"A self-contained, low maintenance REEF that will light up any desk with brightly colored coral." So goes the blurb on PJ Reefs' desktop-sized saltwater aquarium. I have to say, mine eyes are digging the brightly colored coral, all more...
AKA The Other $35 Do-It-All Computer. Running Android 4.0, the MK802 Allwinner A10 Mini PC is about the size of a flash drive and, also like your favorite USB storage device, enjoys being plugged into things. HDMI inputs to be precise. more...
At Rutgers University in New Jersey they have these food trucks--the Grease Trucks--that have been around since way before food trucks became the hipster way of the world and particularly the Pacific Northwest and particularly Portland, more...
I know a lot of fat magnets. I bet you do too. Most of them look more like an ass in need of a run around the block than a reimagined dreidel though. But this Fat Magnet, the dreidel kind, is actually here to help the ass kind. After more...
The new name in ultra-thin? It's...no, not the chick who's playing Carrie in the prequel series to Sex and the City. Hint: It's an inanimate object. It's...no, not Nicole Kidman. Mom, stop trying to guess! You're messing up my flow! more...
You know how sometimes you spend hours and hours pouring over the Internet or scouring the shelves of Macy's or writing furiously at your desk to find the perfect gift/compose the perfect rap to the beat of Run DMC's "It's Tricky" for more...
The True Mirror idea is simple (and old; it was first patented in 1887): place two mirrors at right angles and have a look-see. Its effect, though, elicits the complexities of realization spanning everything from Whoa! to Noooooo! Traditional more...
Sometimes people do stupid shit, such as get extremely drunk and ornery on the 4th of July and refuse to respond to reason and jump off the deck of a Carver 54 motor yacht...twice...without taking their brand new iPhones out of their more...
Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with glowing fluorescent more...
Remember when all we had to worry about, in terms of having our brains fried or growing a tumor, was power lines and standing in front of the microwave? Oh man, if my mama caught me lingering too close to the microwave waiting for my more...
The Hovertrax has no learning curve and requires no skills to use, which is good because you can bet that if I'm too lazy to walk myself down the street or hallway, I am definitely too lazy to learn how to use a complex piece of equipment. more...
The AF2011-A1 Double Barrel Pistol is a first on two counts. It's the first ever double barrel semiautomatic pistol manufactured for sale (not available yet, but on deck for Fall 2012). And, after getting a load of the "Twenty Eleven's" more...
One thing I've always wanted to do while fending off UV rays is record myself fending off UV rays. Granted, this usually entails lying on my ass in the company of a sand-free beach mat, a 6-pack...fine, a case...of Bud Light Lime, and more...
You've seen lightsabers and you've seen lightsabers. Saberworks' Makashi Renegade definitely falls into the second category. Currently in 3D printed prototype form, the saber endeavors to turn out a successful Kickstarter campaign, more...
When it comes to pants positioning, waistline aesthetics, and--most importantly--gut comfort, 1/4" can make a huge difference. Traklines banish the meager five, 1"-spaced holes of traditional belts from their full-grain leather strips, more...
It seems to me that if someone threw out the general suggestion, "Hey, why don't we put some ears on these bike helmets?" he would be permanently exiled from the motorcycle universe. But somehow this actualized vision of Bat ears, or more...
If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad. Self-described more...
Although I enjoy calling people tools, I don't really understand how the term came to be an insult. Aren't tools generally helpful and beneficial to the cause of man, as opposed to the burdens of dead-weight idiocy implied by the word's more...
People from Maine sure know how to make cooking fun. These earthenware Snot-a-Mug egg separators are made by northeast coast artisans to disassociate whites from yolks such that they whimsically mimic a gruesome bodily function. Snot more...
The Delta Six might be the coolest looking gaming gun I've ever seen. I would consider buying one even if I couldn't use it for anything but picking my nose and curling up with on the couch at night (the latter particularly if the Megan more...
The See Through Bottom Canoe seats two, and provides the perfect setting for a romantic, yet adventurous, date of paddling the high seas, and taking in all of its technicolored fishies, regally swaying anemones, and hammerhead sharks more...
The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank map, could easily more...
I would like it very much if CGear's Sand-Free Multimat stayed sand-free by emitting an invisible dome barrier that repelled...no, forcefully rejected all granular compounds...and children...that got within a foot of it. But I think more...
Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude of your cozy more...
It's a straight up cage fight for the title of World's Mini-est Computer. First, we showed you the Raspberry Pi. Then came the Android MK802 Mini PC. Now, measuring in at 2" x 2" x 2"--about the size of an Everlasting Gobstopper--design more...
Looper pods deem themselves portable, eco-friendly, pimped-out resorts modeled after the ultimate pimp mascot: the caterpillar. Yeah...I would've gone with some sort of spiny-backed reptile or ancient dinosaur or Bowser from Mario, more...
If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without Making Sure more...
There's no arguing it: cool tattoos are cool. But some of us aren't ready to let another human being repeatedly pierce our flesh with a needle and permanently inject it with ink when we aren't 100% sure we're going to be as passionate more...
Fireflies seem to be a popular metaphor for commodities of the free market lately. There's the Firefly Blue Laser Lamp, Firefly flying helicopter toys, Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka...mmmm...and our most current personification (insectification?) more...
Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and sick machetes? more...
Two things. One maybe you already know, one probably you don't. 1) Tritium is a radioactive isotope of hydrogen, and its natural occurrence on earth is extremely rare. However, the dopeness that is humankind can produce tritium in nuclear more...
First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps in direct more...
While my sense is that the types of people who would be in the market for a covert, authority-thwarting way to pack a pipe would not be the same types of people who would care to hold their pants up properly, I still consider the Buckle more...
Though restricted to 30mW and 1.5W laser rather than actual plasma energy, Patrick Priebe's replica Plasma Cutter from the Dead Space video game series will still singe a block of wood and sear through a trash bag, and make the deliverer more...
If you missed out on the Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe, console...and arm...and shock & awe yourself with this sick little zombie killing knife. Combining the functionality of a kitchen cleaver and the intimidating aesthetics of an Inuit more...
It may not be the skin covering a Yoda head rejected from use in the original Star Wars, but at least Marc Ecko's reversible Chewbacca hoodie is a bodily covering that's a little easier to come by. more...
World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing spinning more...
Pull the pin and Rocky S2V's Survival Grenade blows up a cornucopia of Mountain Shepherd Wilderness Survival School tools for the outdoor conquistador. Enveloped in 10' of military grade 550 paracord are everything from a fire starter more...
And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder Tom Donhou more...
"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof stock. US more...
The Paper Shooter snipers at Bang Creations know that when it comes to pastimes, nothing beats blasting things up to 75 feet. Particularly when the outcome of doing so averts death, injury, and getting yelled at by your mom*. Their more...
Disorienting, blinding, and giving people seizures all serve as excellent forms of distraction during attempts at self-defense and ploys to make off with the $80 giant peanut butter cup cake. Brite Strike's Tactical Balls each have more...
The 6' x 18' WaterMat is bigger than most rafts, more portable than most rafts, and won't suck so much air from your lungs during assembly that you start to feel lightheaded and then pass out and then fall off the side of the boat and more...
Control Middle-earth--and likely all male Elves, Wizards, Orcs, Dragons, Dwarves, Ents, and Hobbits--for under $100. You don't even have to enter into battle or acquire Rings of Power. Leave it to Black Milk Clothing to recruit ladies' more...
Been scouring the racks for pants that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is? Black Milk Clothing's skin-tight anatomical leggings won't just enhance the curves of your posterior, they'll show off your entire gluteal more...
The electronic Personal Information Processor (PIP) manufactured by RobCo Industries in Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas is now a viable acquisition to your non-gaming, non-digitized, biological life. Which is not only badass, but also more...
Bring your doodles to life. Well, except for the animation and biological functionality parts. So more like, give your doodles 3 dimensions, without the added concern of feeding or sending them to private school. WobbleWorks' 3Doodler more...
According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem tighty whiteys, more...
I guess since the Dark Knight Rises motorcycle suit pretty much congeals itself to the body of whomever puts it on with nary a pocket to spare, UD Replicas figured they better come out with some sort of supplemental storage device for more...
The Raspberry Pi sets the bar, and then raises it. Twice. Bar: The Raspberry Pi is a credit-card sized computer that plugs into a TV and keyboard to produce full PC functionality in the form of spreadsheets, word processing, games, more...
What the WTF Amazon? You're in the weapons trade now? These costume-y looking hand claws have real blades of razor-sharp, 8.75-inch, 440C stainless steel, which make them exponentially and disturbingly more portentous than actual claws. more...
Does depressing the S-76 Ampratite Plasma Pistol's spring steel trigger really release unstable and highly reactive Zephane gas for co-mingling with exposed Ampratite crystals, the consequences of which generate an intense plasma blast? more...
Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its pellet-filled back more...
Look like less of a redneck burning your trash with this handy paper log maker. The deep metal box accepts newspapers, junk mail, cardboard, wood chips, and wrapping paper, but probably not Taco Bell bags because the grease on that more...
Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a breathable cloud more...
Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over in my head every more...
Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses, 2" wide more...
Pending successful Kickstarter funding and production, tim-E--pronounced "Timmy" or, if you're Trey Parker and Matt Stone, "Timmehhh!"--might prove to be the most charming and useful ass-shakin' robot in the land. Designed as an alarm more...
I grew up with fireflies. And by that I mean I grew up squashing them and rubbing their bioluminescence on my arms and legs so I too could glow like a superhero or anomaly of evolution. I never saw any blue ones though, so in that regard more...
SEXCEREAL is the most ingenius display of product spinning and effective branding I've seen since I was 18 months old and my mama transformed spoonfuls of pureed peas into airplanes. Actually, it's even better because it also incorporates more...
People out there lucky in the sense that they know how to ride a bike but unlucky in the sense that doing so jars their spines and brains and generates great discomfort in the crotchal region, say hello to Loopwheels. Loopwheels are more...
At printing, Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers had 14 reviews on Amazon, and every single one of them contained both a serious critical analysis of the product's smell-quelling efficacy, and an insightful comment about the 5-pack more...
My friend Dominic is an electrical engineer who used to work for this company developing a chip to implant in the brains of epileptics that would help predict when they were going to have seizures, and if I had one of those chips in more...
Cartoons and reality have met, merged, and are now calling out to your carn(iv)al sensibilities. Sinister, hard-edged, Brooklyn-tongued Harley Quinn makes the likes of animated wet dreams Jessica Rabbit and Holli Wood seem so one note more...
Although the aesthetics of the shattered screen look are starting to grow on me, I do prefer the functionality of smartphones whose parts are intact. And the very nature of touchscreens--that to work as intended they must be exposed more...
This is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of owner-gifted Fancy more...
Ugh, I am so sick of writing about boobs. Haha...sike! Particularly when the boobs come in so many exhilarating shapes and sizes and practically beg to be caressed. OK, so they're made of ink and paper, and technically a set of crayons more...
Bat, a levitating wireless computer mouse, is currently in the research and testing phases for use in preventing and treating carpal tunnel syndrome, a median nerve dysfunction to which many mouse manipulators are susceptible. My prediction more...
Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick their noses, more...
The Viking Hammock is one of many pieces of furniture Norse gods and warriors use to bed their wenches. They manage pretty well with it because the Scandinavians are a seafaring people and therefore not prone to motion sickness. What, more...
Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third world countries more...
This Dragon doesn't breathe fire, it breathes air. But this air perpetuates fire, encouraging it to burn faster and stronger and continuously until its services are no longer needed, at which point water steps in to extinguish it, and more...
Ye of long legs, take note: though the Knee Defender can't increase the amount of space you have within your sphere of airplane seat misery, it can prevent further reduction of the already minimal square footage. Comprised of two small, more...