If you're reading about the best 80s toys you can still buy, you're probably indulging in nostalgia, and thinking things were way better in the 80s than they are in the 2010s. I don't disagree, but I will say one thing about today: if it weren't for the global and online marketplaces, plus the technology...

The Chaos Machine

$61.16 from Amazon »

Chaos is an area of mathematics that studies complex systems and the mind-blowing effects seemingly small, inconsequential changes can have on them. Dr. Ian Malcolm used one example of the Chaos in action, the Butterfly...

Crosman Pioneer Airbow

$674.55 from Amazon »

If you're a big game hunter living in Arizona*, you are Crosman Golden. It's the only state in the US where there's a season for pursuing just about every species of big game on the Crosman docket with the company's forthcoming...

Icky Stick Smooth Smoking Hand Pipe

$49.99 from Amazon »

I don't like the Icky Stick just because I get a kick out of its branding schtick. I mean, that's the biggest reason, but so too am I interested in this hand pipe's claim that it has been "specially designed to provide...

The Red Herring Secret Safe

$249.99 from Amazon »

If the number of Air Vent Safes you have installed in your house is starting to look a little fishy, balance out the trickery and keep your valuables just as secure locked inside Console Vault's Red Herring Wall Safe...

Allwood Kit Cabins

$3,400 - $34,900 from Amazon »

Allwood Kit Cabins may be no more than glorified playhouses to some, but given that I haven't found a place to put (or the money to buy) my Honomobo Container Home yet...it's time to glorify me a playhouse, baby!...

TV-B-Gone Kit

$17.48 from Amazon »

Let's be clear: it would be a supreme a-hole move for someone to use a homemade TV-B-Gone to shut off the women's beach volleyball game I am watching at a bar. Obnoxious and unacceptable. However...were I to use my DIY...

Mini CCTV Screw Camera

$49.99 from Amazon »

It's a screw cam! No, not that kind...well. What you use it for is up to you, I guess. But I'm calling it a screw cam because this miniature CCTV camera looks like the piece of hardware--a simple screw just minding its...

Radio-controlled tanks that fire actual BBs? Glass sliding doors beware. These RC tanks, which I don't even know how they're allowed really in this day and age but I'm glad they are, are modeled after some of the most iconic tanks utilized in our most iconic wars...

Boob Cube

$9.99 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Android MK802 Mini PC

$40.10 from Amazon »

AKA The Other $35 Do-It-All Computer. Running Android 4.0, the MK802 Allwinner A10 Mini PC is about the size of a flash drive and, also like your favorite USB storage device, enjoys being plugged into things. HDMI inputs...

Pocket Artillery

$34 from Amazon »

This, unbelievably, is exactly what the name suggests, a mini desktop cannon that fires standard BBs. And, it's pretty damn cool. You really need to watch the video to see it in action. I'm certain this will be used for...

Cannabidiol, or CBD Oil is a legal alternative extracted from cannabis that is being used to treat everything from anxiety to arthritis pain. Unlike THC, CBD Oil doesn't give the user any noticeable head high but can ease the feelings of anxiety and pain many people suffer. It's being billed as a...

Aquor House Hydrant

$89.99 from Amazon »

Scorching summer day. Lounging on the patio. Gazing at the lawn. What's missing? Hose, hose, hose. And a water outlet pimped out with an Aquor House Hydrant. Because the grass meeting your gaze is brown, and the marigolds...

Steel Self Defense Bracelet

$27.95 from Amazon »

Self defense or self-inflicted injury? Swingin' 'round this full steel bracelet like a chain whip without really knowing how to swing 'round a chain whip, it could really go either way...

Tungsten Sphere

$249 from Amazon »

I'd call the Tungsten Sphere a desktop toy, but given its high density--at just about 2" in diameter the sphere weighs over 3 pounds--I'm not sure how much fiddling or stress-relieving palm rolls you'll be able to do...

DrivewaySpike U-Turn Deterrents

$39.95 - $44.95 from Amazon »

Is this a real problem? Or rather, is it such a big deal? People using your driveway as a turnaround. Cars getting lost or going one street too far and pulling into 20' of your pavement to correct their mistake. Since...

I learned my most important lesson about frenemies from The Golden Girls. It's that sometimes passive aggressive words and social interactions aren't enough. It's that sometimes I need my frenemies to throw a party. Invite everyone they know. So they can see the biggest revenge gift will be from...

The Magic Weighted Blanket

$107.85 - $267.85 from Amazon »

The Magic Weighted Blanket uses a therapeutic approach similar to the Gravity Blanket we saw here last month, with a couple of key differences: 1) The Magic Weighted Blanket is made of baby-bunny-soft chenille and sold...

If you want to know about the best projectile launchers, you're probably getting ready to orchestrate a cubicle warfare offensive at work. Or maybe you just need some new catapult- and slingshot-shaped desktop toys. Or a no-fail gift for a man. You'll find all of those projectile launchers here...

Jagdkommando Knife

$774.94 from Amazon »

If you're looking to stab someone in the back, knife them in the heart, or just royally screw them over, Microtech's MCT1057 Jagdkommando fixed blade knife is the definitive way to do it. A version of the manufacturer's...

Programmable Mouse Jiggler

$18.51 from Amazon »

It's a professional jiggler! No, not Santa Claus. No. Not a stripper. This is a Mouse Jiggler. And it's got nothing to do with bellies and boobies. Though, like the belly and boobie jigglers, the Mouse Jiggler is here...

Gallium - Melts-in-Your-Hand Metal

$10.63 from Amazon »

The chemical element Gallium does not exist in pure form in nature, but since it's so magical and badass looking all solid-to-liquid-at-the-touch-of-a-human-hand and all, of course man figured out a way to extract it...

My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

CRKT Snap Lock Folding Knife

$39.11 from Amazon »

CRKT calls its old-is-new-again Snap Lock folding knife a "legendary reissue" of "one of the most decorated knives of all time." Ed Van Hoy originally designed the blade and its ornate handle in 2004(ish) and it earned...

The Frost Pipe - DIY a Pipe from Ice

$24.99 from Amazon »

This Frost Pipe isn't made of no corn cob, and it's not for kiddies building snowmen (or kiddies at all.) This Frost Pipe is a 3-piece freezer mold that lets you DIY your own pipe out of ice. What the Ice Luge is to drinkers...

Dumpsty Steel Desktop Dumpster

$195 from Amazon »

A Dumpsty Dumpster is a real steel desktop-sized dumpster for you to throw all the shit you get from your boss / wife / mama in. It even comes with authentic dumpster warning sign magnets and 2 rubber lids in your choice...

Night Vision Goggles

$599 from Amazon »

These hands-free night vision goggles mean surveillance, after-dark expeditions, and finding the perfect bush to pee on in the middle of the night aren't just possible, they're on like Donkey Kong!...

World's Smallest Violin

$12.95 from Amazon »

This is the world's smallest violin, and I'm gonna play it just for you...whiners! So many whiners! At work. On the road. At the checkout line. In my inbox. And the biggest one of all: right there in my bathroom mirror...

The Baby Shusher

$31.49 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

Zip Blade Zipper Knife

$11.20 from Amazon »

This 0.68" fine edge utility blade has enough pluck to strip wire, cut cardboard, and slice through clamshell packaging. I bet it could even slash open the zipper it's hanging from when it gets stuck, like, every third...

Codex Seraphinianus: World's Strangest Book

$100 from Amazon »

First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating...

The Right Cup - Brain-Tricking Flavored Cup

$40 from Amazon »

Brain-tricking and NKOTB-approved, The Right Cup is a scented and slightly flavored water cup designed to engage your senses in a way that will make you think you're drinking sweet and fruity water when all that's inside...

Other People's Face Masks

$9.99 - $11.94 from Amazon »

Get all 4 of Faux Real's Face (of Someone Else) Masks to swap out throughout the night at this year's Halloween party and kill it as Arya Stark or Jaqen H'gar, or maybe just a generic Faceless Man...

Willy Care Kit

$18.49 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

Reloadable Confetti High Fives

$9.95 from Amazon »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

Vipukirves Leveraxe

$269 from Amazon »

Honestly, the Vipukirves Leveraxe initially intrigued me because the guy holding it in one of the above photos is wearing black-and-white gloves that sort of make him look like he has a hook hand, and I thought perhaps...

Night Vision Driving Glasses

$24.02 - $28.97 from Amazon »

Sorry, night vision driving glasses won't help you cruise around in the pitch black all stealthy like a Navy SEAL. In fact, these yellow tint lenses aren't meant for predominantly dark conditions at all. They're for reducing...

FatIvan Fold Up Door Chock

$15.95 from Amazon »

I don't know if I'd be writing about the FatIvan Fold Up Door Chock if it wasn't called FatIvan, but once the magnetic door holder's brilliant name got my attention, I wasn't sorry I stopped to have a further look. An...

Fast Strike Self Defense Weapon

$22.95 from Amazon »

It's called Fast Strike and - whirwhack! - it's gonna sting. The non-lethal self defense weapon looks like the antenna on the cordless phone my family had growing up. Which, coincidentally, also kinda hurt when someone...

Stocking a home bar might be the only household chore on earth I would describe as "joyous." From glassware for beer, wine, and whiskey, to the bottle opening, cork-pulling, cocktail-shaking tools of the bartending trade, I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday morning than amping up my...

Teva Ember Moc Slippers

$43.75 - $69.95 from Amazon »

Teva's Ember Moc slippers might have Dad Joke written all over them, but I don't care. I want some. Teva says they're like sleeping bags for your feet. Who can resist sleeping bags for your feet?! Not me...

Fire Extinguisher Ball

$59.99 from Amazon »

In a way, AFO makes a fireball you can sling at your enemies to fight them off. But here your enemies won't be Goombas or Sagat, they'll be the flaming tongues of a stove fire or tipped-over candle, and your fireball...

QALO Wedding Rings for Athletes

$19.99 from Amazon »

QALO, you win. Best line I've read all month: "After getting married we realized what a nuisance wearing our traditional wedding band was." I know, right? Suddenly women at after-work happy hour are turning down your...

Sound Activated LED Car Sticker

$14.89 from Amazon »

If you're looking for a way both to obstruct 90% of the view out of your back windshield and provide a beacon to po searching for cars to pull over, I am pleased to offer you one of AGPtek's bumpin' & grindin', sound...

Knork Matte Black Titanium Flatware

$37.56 from Amazon »

Modern, industrial, functional, and Black. Knork's set of matte black flatware brings the company's combo cutlery concept to the Dark Side...

Methven Aio Aurajet Shower Head

$109 from Amazon »

Methven's Aio shower head uses Aurajet technology to widen your wetness and deepen your experience with your water fixture every time you turn it on. The company says the Aio aims for no less than "maximum body contact...