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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Pinpoint X-Spring Precision Stylus & Pen

$14.95 from The Joy Factory »

X marks the stylus, and ink marks the spot. The Joy Factory's dual surface X-Spring Precision Stylus & Pen lets you waX poetic (or spew bullshit) from both ends. On the X side, a precision stylus writes and scrawls over...

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The Pocket Hammer Kit

$95 from Amazon »

Seen the Pocket Shot ultrafast slingshot before? This Pocket Hammer set adds a Hammer Handle for support and extra power, turning it into a formidable rubber rocket ready to fire off arrows for small game hunting or target...

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Foot Anti Blister Balm

$22.55 from Amazon »

One thing I like about Foot Anti-Blister Balm is that it's frank and specific: one look at the roll and I know right where to put it. Which makes me think maybe I should invent some, like, tax return forms or spools of...

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Willy Care Kit

$16.79 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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Le Labo Santal 26 Fragrance Diffuser

$590 from Le Labo »

Le Labo says, "Sure, Thomas Edison gave us light, but he didn't include a nebulizer to transform our Santal 26 fragrance oil into a fine mist to spread both light and perfume into your home," which is crazy because I...

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Stinger USB Emergency Escape Tool

$21.95 from Amazon »

Ztylus says the Stinger is a USB car charger that can save your life. And not just figuratively when you're on your last 8% and get a very promising hit on Tinder. In addition to the dual USB ports fed by your car's cigarette...

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Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat

$23.79 from Amazon »

Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. Yep, I love me some of all of those things. But mastering them as elements of good cooking...that sounds like a job for my mama! Good thing I'll be needing a gift for her come Mother's Day on May...uh...May...something. I'll have to look that up later....

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Height Adjustable Pot & Pan Organizer Rack

$49.99 from Amazon »

As much as I love the cacophony of all my pots and pans shifting, smashing, and tumbling when I crouch down and remove one from the kitchen cabinet, I can see why some might prefer their cookware in the tidy, partitioned...

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KZ Gear Floating Sunglasses

$39 - $39.99 from KZ Gear »

KZ Gear Sunglasses are the kind of floaters you'll be thankful for in the water. The TAC polarized sunglasses provide your typical 100% UV protection, plus have a polymethylpentene (TPX) frame construction that reduces...

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Mini CCTV Screw Camera

$17.99 from Amazon »

It's a screw cam! No, not that kind...well. What you use it for is up to you, I guess. But I'm calling it a screw cam because this miniature CCTV camera looks like the piece of hardware--a simple screw just minding its...

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5-Toe Flip-Flops

$12.96 - $19.99 from Amazon »

These 5-toe flip-flops are made by Sazzi, and I know I sure can't think of a better word to describe them. Made with 10 separate, articulating toe platforms and a post (i.e., thong, tha-thong, thong, thong) to cordon...

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Toothpick Crossbow

$19.99 from Amazon »

No computer, tablet, or phone needed to ping! your co-workers with this slick and stealthy mini crossbow. The palm-sized launcher loads up with toothpicks or Q-Tips, depending on how hard you want to let Dave three desks...

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Mini Marimo Aquarium

$7.80 - $11.80 from Etsy »

Here's a tiny Marimo Aquarium for all of you insane adventurous people out there moving into tiny houses. Think of it as a housewarming gift. Except, uh, you'll need to buy it yourself. Even at the tiny prices Etsy shop...

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CRKT Knives

$14.99 - $37.99 from CRKT »

Who wants to cut this hunk of hair caked with marshmallow creme, canned chili & vomit off my head? ... ... [CRKTs, CRKTs.]...

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Robomow Robotic Lawn Mower

$699 - $2,499 from Amazon »

Robomow. Just another example of robots taking human jobs. Husbands and sons of the world, I hear your protests. I feel your outrage. I...wait. Actually, I don't hear or feel anything from the husbands and sons of the...

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Kyosho RC Surfer

$239.98 from Amazon »

Can't catch a wave? Catch a break with the Kyosho RC Surfer 3. At 12.8" tall this remote controlled rider on his Lost board will try to make your time at the beach bitchin' even when the surf is too small to get out there...

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Eye of Sauron Fire Pit

$643.38 from Etsy »

I bet this fire pit knows some good ghost stories. What I didn't bet was that Sauron moved his Dark Tower to Canada, where he and his Evil Eye now mostly roast marshmallows and try to taunt Canadians into saying something...

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Basslet Wearable Subwoofer

$179 from Lofelt »

The Basslet--conceived, I'll bet, when one of the creators at Lofelt had a 2-year-old kid who kept wanting him to look at her "bacelet"--is a wearable for those who crave to feel the beat of the rhythm of the night. It...

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Mini Materials Ultimate Sample Kit

$79.99 from Mini Materials »

When your boss questions your productivity and asks for some more constructive contributions at the office...pull out a Mini Materials Ultimate Sample Kit and get to work....

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Retro Thick Brick Cell Phone

$52.90 from Amazon »

I smell a gift for the grad comin' in hot! Giving an LBER KR999 classic thick brick cell phone to young whippersnappers is like giving them a piece of history to take with them into the future. It's a reminder of where...

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T-Rex Skull Shower Head

$20 from Etsy »

He may be dead and decomposed, but that doesn't mean T-Rex isn't still capable of spewing the stink off you. Roman Mirskiy creates his T-Rex Skull Shower Heads on a 3D printer. They're all made from high-quality ABS plastic...

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Darth Vader Engagement Ring

$390 - $2,995 from Sapphire Studios »

Marry me and come to the Dark Side! Come on, ladies, even in you're not into Darth Vader or Star Wars, you gotta indulge any man who presents you with a Vader helmet engagement ring. If for no other reason than the license...

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Twisty Glass Blunt

$44.99 from 7pipe »

The first time I saw 7pipe's Twisty Glass Blunt was in a video with a shot of a lady taking a hit off one and then blowing out birthday candles. Good stuff in, bad stuff out, and now we eat cake!...

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Toe Separator Socks for Alignment & Relief

$9.99 from Amazon »

Mmm, spread those sexy toes wide! Not just for my benefit, but for your own. Whether you're into yoga, promoting blood circulation and relieving foot pain after a workout, or slowing down the growth of your bunion, the...

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Radius Garden Root Slayer Shovel

$49.99 from Amazon »

Root Slayer. For hacking off and digging up those stubborn roots in the backyard. I think my girlfriend has some hair dye called Root Slayer too. It serves a slightly different function than the shovel you see here. Both...

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Maglev Floating Globe

$39.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

They say you should keep the Maglev world away from USB keys, media players, and computers. I'd say the same goes for many, many...many people in the real world. In the Maglev's case, the desktop-display-ready globe achieves...

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Modpools - Shipping Container Swimming Pools

$26,900 from Modpools »

Rather the seal him inside a shipping container bound for Abu Dhabi, why not fill that shipping container with water and let Odie dog paddle around inside it with you this summer? Dig up a big hole in your backyard, and...

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Iron Dinosaur Toilet Paper Holder

$34.94 from Amazon »

Got some Charmin t.p. or some Bounty p.t.'s you need held up long and proud? The Iron Dinosaur is at your service. Suitable for holding 2 ultra-plush double rolls of toilet paper or 1 super-absorbent cylinder of paper...

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Trojan Hidden Dining Set

$1,595 from Expand Furniture »

Lift up the Trojan console's skirt and find--surprise!--4 baby Trojan chairs. All ready to pop out at a speed inversely proportional to April the giraffe's calf, and set up alongside the expandable table's foldout leaves...

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CLR CFF Clear Coffee

$7.50 - $19 from CLR CFF »

For some coffee clears the mind, but for none does coffee clear the teeth. CLR CFF, perhaps inspired by 1992 and Pepsi's other face-palm moment, and certainly in an effort to pump your body with the physical effects of...

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The Revival Tire Belt

$25 - $30 from Revival Outlet »

Tires. You know them from the road where they help you tear it up. And the gym where they help you beef it up. Now Revival Outlet would like you to meet tires for your pants. Tires that will help you hold it up. Made...

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KAVU Chillba Hat

$31.50 - $44.95 from Amazon »

A KAVU Chillba Hat, some KEEN UNEEK Sandals, and an unwavering commitment to bringing the whole team--even the kids who just stand around at midfield and barely break a sweat--orange slices for after their soccer games...

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Pro-Pointer Waterproof Metal Detector

$127.45 from Amazon »

Frisbee? Volleyball? Flexing? Pssshhh! If you really want to impress the ladies on the beach this summer, find them a precious metal nugget from the ocean with Garrett's Pro Pointer AT Metal Detector. The underwater treasure...

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The Crook-Catcher Deluxe Thief Detection Kit

$48.49 from Amazon »

Stapler, sodie, and steak sandwich stealers of my office (and the world!) beware. You have been marked. And I promise, with my keen detective skills and 9-LED UV flashlight, I. Will. Find you....

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Inflatable Floating Water Walkway

$158.97 from Amazon »

BYOB-squared. That's build your own barge, and then bring your own booze with this inflatable Floating Water Walkway from World of Watersports. The 6' x 10' rafts provide a firm walking(-on-water) surface when firmly...

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Kurgo Mud Dog Travel Shower

$9.99 from Amazon »

But, but, my whole purpose in life is to roll in mud, and then on your couch! Kurgo's Mud Dog Travel Shower aims to put a wrench in your dog's plan to bring his nice & dirty self home from the park or hike as is, and...

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Atari Flashback Portable

$49.99 from Amazon »

The Atari Flashback portable console is indeed here to console. The handheld 2600 will give a there, there pat on the back to everyone who didn't get an NES Classic before Nintendo announced they're discontinuing them...

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Beginner Wood Carving Kit

$29.95 from Amazon »

Who wants a whittle hobby to have a whittle fun with this summer? Chillin' on the back patio or at the lake carving a birdie with your hook knife and chiseling blades. This beginner's kit is suitable for ages 14 and up...

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Detu Twin 360-Degree Camera

$209 from Detu »

Real-time stream your first time skydiving straight into your mama's VR headset with the Detu Twin, a 3K, 360-degree camera small enough for your pocket, and crafty enough to broadcast directly to the web in a single...

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CinvStop Nausea Zapper

Now the CinvStop is a wearable I might actually wear. Because while I don't give a 5K about how many steps I've walked or the number or calories I burned playing Sir Match-a-Lot on my phone, I care very much about being...

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Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

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Mousou Exposed Butt T-Shirt

I just...I can't...I...what the butt, Japan?! The Mousou Exposed Butt T-Shirt baffles me on so many levels. First, why is the butt positioned so that it's exploding out of the wearer's chest Alien-style? Why is it on...

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Jetfoiler Hydrofoil Electric Surfboard

I'm about to Jetfoiler your plans to learn to surf this summer, because Kai Concepts has stuck a hydrofoil under a surfboard and added an electric motor to create a wild-looking water toy and transporter that's probably...

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Monster Towel - World's Biggest Beach Towel

Sold Out from Amazon »

Why have a threesome when you can have a fivesome? The Monster Towel is the World's Orgy-est Beach Towel! Oh, uh, I mean, the World's Biggest Beach Towel! At least that's what the people who make the 10' x 10' Monster...

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Moon & Planet Lamps

$88.15 - $143.25 from Etsy »

Sleep under the light of the moon even on stormy nights, and enjoy the orange blaze of Jupiter without making futile attempts to go to Jupiter with one of these sweet spherical lamps from Pulsar Moonlight. Each is a unique...

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DeWalt Hammer Drill & Impact Driver Kit

$279.99 from DeWalt »

Who needs a hole DeWalt drilled? A screw DeWalt tightened? A...whoa, you need 60' of piping DeWalt anchored to your basement ceiling? That's gonna take hours. Better hire someone for that, ma'am....

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Barn Owl Pellets

$12.99 from Amazon »

Barn owl pellets are the results of barn owls wolfing down their food without chewing it enough. Just like I do. But unlike me, the owls do not have cast iron stomachs that can digest the fur and bones of the little rodents...