A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear, Novelties and Zombies

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking down and ruining more...

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier, perhaps the more...

"A self-contained, low maintenance REEF that will light up any desk with brightly colored coral." So goes the blurb on PJ Reefs' desktop-sized saltwater aquarium. I have to say, mine eyes are digging the brightly colored coral, all more...

I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a computer so extreme more...

I thought it would do something cutesy like stay frozen on 4:20, but nay. The Grindrite keeps real time too! Though usually after a few tokes of the good stuff my friend Victor procures I'm not really able to comprehend the meaning more...

Due to its being dramatic and showstopping and incredibly F'ing rad, Hilden & Diaz's Forms in Nature forest projection light sculpture has earned viral popularity this week. To the point that the artists are planning a Kickstarter project more...

At Rutgers University in New Jersey they have these food trucks--the Grease Trucks--that have been around since way before food trucks became the hipster way of the world and particularly the Pacific Northwest and particularly Portland, more...

Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile version of more...

When Batman got a helmet it made Predator all jealous so he whined to NLO Moto, "WTF man? First he gets the higher budget movies and legitimate actors and then DC rejects my idea for a The Dark Knight v. Predator crossover film and more...

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as I like to call more...

People from Maine sure know how to make cooking fun. These earthenware Snot-a-Mug egg separators are made by northeast coast artisans to disassociate whites from yolks such that they whimsically mimic a gruesome bodily function. Snot more...

Sometimes people do stupid shit, such as get extremely drunk and ornery on the 4th of July and refuse to respond to reason and jump off the deck of a Carver 54 motor yacht...twice...without taking their brand new iPhones out of their more...

One thing I've always wanted to do while fending off UV rays is record myself fending off UV rays. Granted, this usually entails lying on my ass in the company of a sand-free beach mat, a 6-pack...fine, a case...of Bud Light Lime, and more...

Pending successful Kickstarter funding and production, tim-E--pronounced "Timmy" or, if you're Trey Parker and Matt Stone, "Timmehhh!"--might prove to be the most charming and useful ass-shakin' robot in the land. Designed as an alarm more...

This Trigger iPhone 5 case looks heavy. Like I'll either develop a disproportionately muscular right arm from lifting and holding it to my ear, or I'll finally succumb to one of those GD earpieces I hate so much* because I'm too weak more...

You know how sometimes you spend hours and hours pouring over the Internet or scouring the shelves of Macy's or writing furiously at your desk to find the perfect gift/compose the perfect rap to the beat of Run DMC's "It's Tricky" for more...

When it comes to pants positioning, waistline aesthetics, and--most importantly--gut comfort, 1/4" can make a huge difference. Traklines banish the meager five, 1"-spaced holes of traditional belts from their full-grain leather strips, more...

AKA The Other $35 Do-It-All Computer. Running Android 4.0, the MK802 Allwinner A10 Mini PC is about the size of a flash drive and, also like your favorite USB storage device, enjoys being plugged into things. HDMI inputs to be precise. more...

The Hovertrax has no learning curve and requires no skills to use, which is good because you can bet that if I'm too lazy to walk myself down the street or hallway, I am definitely too lazy to learn how to use a complex piece of equipment. more...

The new name in ultra-thin? It's...no, not the chick who's playing Carrie in the prequel series to Sex and the City. Hint: It's an inanimate object. It's...no, not Nicole Kidman. Mom, stop trying to guess! You're messing up my flow! more...

The True Mirror idea is simple (and old; it was first patented in 1887): place two mirrors at right angles and have a look-see. Its effect, though, elicits the complexities of realization spanning everything from Whoa! to Noooooo! Traditional more...

You've seen lightsabers and you've seen lightsabers. Saberworks' Makashi Renegade definitely falls into the second category. Currently in 3D printed prototype form, the saber endeavors to turn out a successful Kickstarter campaign, more...

Although I enjoy calling people tools, I don't really understand how the term came to be an insult. Aren't tools generally helpful and beneficial to the cause of man, as opposed to the burdens of dead-weight idiocy implied by the word's more...

The Delta Six might be the coolest looking gaming gun I've ever seen. I would consider buying one even if I couldn't use it for anything but picking my nose and curling up with on the couch at night (the latter particularly if the Megan more...

It seems to me that if someone threw out the general suggestion, "Hey, why don't we put some ears on these bike helmets?" he would be permanently exiled from the motorcycle universe. But somehow this actualized vision of Bat ears, or more...

If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without Making Sure more...

The See Through Bottom Canoe seats two, and provides the perfect setting for a romantic, yet adventurous, date of paddling the high seas, and taking in all of its technicolored fishies, regally swaying anemones, and hammerhead sharks more...

The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank map, could easily more...

Looper pods deem themselves portable, eco-friendly, pimped-out resorts modeled after the ultimate pimp mascot: the caterpillar. Yeah...I would've gone with some sort of spiny-backed reptile or ancient dinosaur or Bowser from Mario, more...

It's a straight up cage fight for the title of World's Mini-est Computer. First, we showed you the Raspberry Pi. Then came the Android MK802 Mini PC. Now, measuring in at 2" x 2" x 2"--about the size of an Everlasting Gobstopper--design more...

Though restricted to 30mW and 1.5W laser rather than actual plasma energy, Patrick Priebe's replica Plasma Cutter from the Dead Space video game series will still singe a block of wood and sear through a trash bag, and make the deliverer more...

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and sick machetes? more...

Two things. One maybe you already know, one probably you don't. 1) Tritium is a radioactive isotope of hydrogen, and its natural occurrence on earth is extremely rare. However, the dopeness that is humankind can produce tritium in nuclear more...

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps in direct more...

While my sense is that the types of people who would be in the market for a covert, authority-thwarting way to pack a pipe would not be the same types of people who would care to hold their pants up properly, I still consider the Buckle more...

It may not be the skin covering a Yoda head rejected from use in the original Star Wars, but at least Marc Ecko's reversible Chewbacca hoodie is a bodily covering that's a little easier to come by. more...

The 6' x 18' WaterMat is bigger than most rafts, more portable than most rafts, and won't suck so much air from your lungs during assembly that you start to feel lightheaded and then pass out and then fall off the side of the boat and more...

Pull the pin and Rocky S2V's Survival Grenade blows up a cornucopia of Mountain Shepherd Wilderness Survival School tools for the outdoor conquistador. Enveloped in 10' of military grade 550 paracord are everything from a fire starter more...

The Paper Shooter snipers at Bang Creations know that when it comes to pastimes, nothing beats blasting things up to 75 feet. Particularly when the outcome of doing so averts death, injury, and getting yelled at by your mom*. Their more...

"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof stock. US more...

Control Middle-earth--and likely all male Elves, Wizards, Orcs, Dragons, Dwarves, Ents, and Hobbits--for under $100. You don't even have to enter into battle or acquire Rings of Power. Leave it to Black Milk Clothing to recruit ladies' more...

Bring your doodles to life. Well, except for the animation and biological functionality parts. So more like, give your doodles 3 dimensions, without the added concern of feeding or sending them to private school. WobbleWorks' 3Doodler more...

The electronic Personal Information Processor (PIP) manufactured by RobCo Industries in Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas is now a viable acquisition to your non-gaming, non-digitized, biological life. Which is not only badass, but also more...

According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem tighty whiteys, more...

Look like less of a redneck burning your trash with this handy paper log maker. The deep metal box accepts newspapers, junk mail, cardboard, wood chips, and wrapping paper, but probably not Taco Bell bags because the grease on that more...

No one complain that SeaDuction's amphibious cabanas are available only at tropical resorts, and not for public purchase, because I know that even if they were up for general grabs, all I would hear is more complaints: "Cool...but not more...

The Raspberry Pi sets the bar, and then raises it. Twice. Bar: The Raspberry Pi is a credit-card sized computer that plugs into a TV and keyboard to produce full PC functionality in the form of spreadsheets, word processing, games, more...

What the WTF Amazon? You're in the weapons trade now? These costume-y looking hand claws have real blades of razor-sharp, 8.75-inch, 440C stainless steel, which make them exponentially and disturbingly more portentous than actual claws. more...

Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its pellet-filled back more...

People out there lucky in the sense that they know how to ride a bike but unlucky in the sense that doing so jars their spines and brains and generates great discomfort in the crotchal region, say hello to Loopwheels. Loopwheels are more...

I grew up with fireflies. And by that I mean I grew up squashing them and rubbing their bioluminescence on my arms and legs so I too could glow like a superhero or anomaly of evolution. I never saw any blue ones though, so in that regard more...

Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over in my head every more...

SEXCEREAL is the most ingenius display of product spinning and effective branding I've seen since I was 18 months old and my mama transformed spoonfuls of pureed peas into airplanes. Actually, it's even better because it also incorporates more...

My friend Dominic is an electrical engineer who used to work for this company developing a chip to implant in the brains of epileptics that would help predict when they were going to have seizures, and if I had one of those chips in more...

This Dragon doesn't breathe fire, it breathes air. But this air perpetuates fire, encouraging it to burn faster and stronger and continuously until its services are no longer needed, at which point water steps in to extinguish it, and more...

Although the aesthetics of the shattered screen look are starting to grow on me, I do prefer the functionality of smartphones whose parts are intact. And the very nature of touchscreens--that to work as intended they must be exposed more...

Ugh, I am so sick of writing about boobs. Haha...sike! Particularly when the boobs come in so many exhilarating shapes and sizes and practically beg to be caressed. OK, so they're made of ink and paper, and technically a set of crayons more...

Cartoons and reality have met, merged, and are now calling out to your carn(iv)al sensibilities. Sinister, hard-edged, Brooklyn-tongued Harley Quinn makes the likes of animated wet dreams Jessica Rabbit and Holli Wood seem so one note more...

This is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of owner-gifted Fancy more...

Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick their noses, more...

Designer Samantha Ulrich calls this her Googly Eyed Monster Mug, I guess due to Sesame Street's having a corner on the market of using the words "Cookie" and "Monster" consecutively. Which, on the one hand, is kind of BS seeing as they more...

Ye of long legs, take note: though the Knee Defender can't increase the amount of space you have within your sphere of airplane seat misery, it can prevent further reduction of the already minimal square footage. Comprised of two small, more...

Zombies really have taken over the world, huh? Or at least the free market economy. The clever German capitalists who designed this introduction of the omnipresent living dead to the bowling alley made a good move though. 1) They chose more...

ONDA terms itself a recumbent stunt bike/trike that can also be used to commute to work. Commute to work? What am I, the imp from Game of Thrones? Cee Lo Green? I'm not willingly placing a 3-foot-high version of myself amongst throngs more...

I've never cared much for the word "Claddagh." It sounds like a combination of too many different scary female body parts and sexually transmitted diseases. But the rings themselves are alright if you're into, like, announcing your more...