Household

Check All That Apply Cards

Sold Out from Etsy »

Business cards, like hand gestures, are great ways of communicating. A card reminds a new acquaintance of your name. A potential client of your job title. A hot chick of your phone number. And here, with the interactive...

The World According To Americans

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance...

Kobayashi Mug

$15.59 from Firebox.com »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

DEEP 3D Wallpaper

$58 - $110 from twenty2 »

All you slow, socially awkward, and stoned kids out there who enjoy sitting around staring at walls, prepare to get DEEP and have your minds blown. DEEP is 3D wallpaper. It was created as part of a collaboration between...

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$24.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

$220 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Grasshopper Vaporizer Pen

$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates...

Slate-ish Paper Laminate Tile

$80 from Slate-ish »

On its own, slate and the tile it produces for our home projects takes bazillions of years to form from silt and mud nestled in the deep crevices of the earth. But Slate-ish, a visually and functionally similar tile prodded...

Flow Chart Film Plot Posters

$30 - $200 from My Modern Shop »

In a time when everything from books and movies to sporting events to 1 a.m. lines at the Taco Bell drive-thru keeps getting longer, it's nice to see that H-57 still knows how to break it down to the quick and dirty....

Ltd Tools Smoking Pipes

$120 - $135 from Ltd Tools »

The Ltd Tools mission statement: "To make the nicest pipes on the planet." I guess the truth in that goal is all personal taste before you're high, and not really worth taking the trouble to think about after you're high...

Galactic Cap Just-the-Tip Condom

$5 - $100 from Galactic Cap »

"The Galactic Cap is a condom men will want to wear and their partners will love. A better alternative, it will increase condom use and promote healthier sex." Want to wear? Partners will love? Well. Considering this...

Lockpick School in a Box

$99.99 from Maker Shed »

Obviously it's necessary to pick a lock only when you are a locksmith or have been kidnapped and held hostage in a locked room. Or, I guess, when you need to break into your ex-girlfriend's (aka Heart of Blackness) apartment...

Air Vent Hidden Safe with RFID Lock

$225.99 from Amazon »

Tough tamales if you're looking for air circulation this summer, but here at least your cash, Glock, and Chewbacca bandolier signed by all passengers of the Millennium Falcon will be hidden away and protected. It's Quick...

Mainland USA, According to Common Sense

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank...

Nymphs Coconut Shell Projection Lamps

$219 - $499 from Nymphs Workshop »

Forget the magic mushrooms, someone get me a coupla coconut shells and a drill. That's all Vainius Kubilius needs anyway to take us on this fantastically lit journey through space and time. His Nymphs, table and floor...

Chelsea Miller Kitchen Knives

$200 - $800 from Chelsea Miller Knives »

Under the tutelage of her father, and then brother, and then blade-smith Nick Anger, Chelsea Miller began upcycling leftovers such as horse shoe rasps and wood from her family's farm in Vermont into the rustic, standout...

I Could Eat a T-Rex Spaghetti Measurer

$19.55 from Amazon »

Whether you're hungry enough to eat a T-Rex, or just need a quick coupla bites of the child from the family he's terrorizing, this clever kitchen tool will measure out the precise amount of meaty flesh you need to achieve...

Moon Chaise Lounge

$266 from Love the Design »

Huh. The Moon chaise lounge kind of looks like another swell piece of furniture, the Liberator Wedge. But not enough that you couldn't set it out on display in your living room and use it as, like, an actual chair or...

KeyBiner Carabiner Multi-Tool

$35 - $81 from Kickstarter »

The KeyBiner calls itself a more refined version of the carabiner, but you might recognize it as a more souped up version of the KeySmart. Both remove some of the bulk and all of the jangle of schlepping around a fat...

Zombie Apocalypse Bedding

$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

Schnelle Keychain Pocket Tools

$7.99 - $38.99 from Amazon »

Schnelle Engineering fabricates far more keychain pocket tools than will ever fit in your pocket, but if you can pick just one of the company's curiously-shaped designs, you'll be golden and FAA-compliant for cracking...

TIHK - Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key

$12.99 - $36.99 from Amazon »

The Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key is intended for use by trained law enforcement, military, and security professionals only. However, TIHK will sell a pair of them to anyone with a credit card and $13. Because that...

Lime Bomber

$14.29 from Amazon »

Whether you're averse to germs, juice squirts in the eye and beer sprays on the shirt, or just putting forth a modicum more of effort than is necessary, the Lime Bomber will free your fingers of the habitual summertime...

LUNALUXX Levitating-Disc-Activated Lamp

$130 from Elivatix »

What you can see very clearly is that the LUNALUXX is a lamp with a levitating disc. And if you understand the laws of physics, or have been following man's continued attempts to develop Hoverboard technology, you can...

Nessie Ladle

$15.99 from Animi Causa »

She waits. She lurks. She stalks. And then suddenly, out of the depths of my 8-quart stock pot, Nessie emerges. Oh the terror! The foreboding doom! The...hey, what's the Loch Ness Monster got in tow there? Is that a ladle...

Tesla Powerwall Home Battery

$3k - $3,500 from Tesla Motors »

Basically if I could be anyone else on earth, living or dead*, I would be Elon Musk of Tesla Motors (and SpaceX). He's incredibly rich, he's had 2 hot wives (#1, #2), he's an undeniable genius, and...and!...he's not even...

Exhale Bladeless Ceiling Fan

$500 - $600 from Exhale Fans »

Not that Dyson hasn't proven that fans don't need to look like a duck and walk like a duck to be a duck, but the Exhale bladeless fan is still the strangest looking thing I've ever seen mounted to a ceiling. I don't even...

Tactical Walls Inserts & Concealment Covers

$120 - $490 from Tactical Walls »

Although the word "tactical" has become as overused as the word "awesome", Tactical Walls reminds us there are still times when it can be applied meaningfully and justifiably. And also awesomely. Tactical Walls are inserts...

Igloo Dome Sensory Deprivation Pillow

Shield yourself from all light and sound while you sleep without strapping things over your eyes, jamming them in your ears, or looking like an ostrich. The Igloo Dome Pillow is a cushioned sleeping tent for the head...

Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

Coolbox Toolbox

$169 from Coolbox »

Hmmm, it appears that a certain cooler has started a trend. And while the Coolbox doesn't have a blender...yet...this so-called "toolbox of the future" does transcend all other toolboxes I've seen in terms of features...

DIY Hidden Door Hinge System

$139.95 from Amazon »

Ooh, a hidden door to a boudoir of lingerie and sex toys? Maybe pretending to be interested in books wasn't the worst, most boring mistake I ever made to get a girl to like me after all. Yeah, babe, I do see your first...

Cloud Levitating Sofa

Though only a concept product--and one that debuted a few years ago--the Cloud Levitating Sofa remains maybe the coolest idea for and aesthetic execution of a couch ever. So I was thinking maybe one of you entrepreneurial...

Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle

How precious. A floating puff of plant with an LED light at its end. Though overpriced by a factor of 8, the Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle is a clever centerpiece designed by Japan's Pianta x Stanza to look like...

Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

Handmade in Japan Higo no Kami Knife

$19.99 from Amazon »

Each of these Higo no Kami knives, traditional Japanese non-locking folding blades, are handmade and imported directly from Japan. And if you don't believe me, believe the superb English translation of their product description:...

Where's Walter? Breaking Bad Print

$50 - $150 from Spoke Art »

Nearly 2 years after we thought Walter White sang his swan song, Argentinian illustrator Max Dalton has found him alive and well. Just strolling down the streets of Albuquerque hidden in plain sight. So where's Walter?...

Whiskey Bullets

$44.99 from Sip Dark »

Settle down and chill your bullets* with some Bulleit, and settle down and chill your Bulleit with some bullets. Sip Dark, purveyor of fine beverage chilling stones and sipping gear, has created the Original Whiskey Bullet....

Audio Jammer with White Noise Generator

$116.95 from Amazon »

I'm not a spy and I'm not up to no good. Relatively speaking. But what I am is a man who values his privacy. A man who doesn't need his mama bugging his room with some sensor system she bought off QVC to listen to him...

UZI Defender Tactical Pen

$20.99 from Amazon »

UZI incorporates a few different tools into its Defender line of pens to award them the "tactical" buzzword. This version, the TACPEN6-GM has a glass breaker and handcuff key fitted to its lightweight aircraft aluminum...

Roo Balls Kangaroo Scrotum Bottle Openers

$26.99 - $29.99 from Roo Balls! »

Want to be a true baller? Then grab that Triple IPA and crack it open with the scrotum of a Red Kangaroo. Or an Eastern Grey. Roo Balls turns (humanely and legally acquired*) castrated kangaroo bits into beer and wine...

Bug-A-Salt Exterminating Shotgun

$59.50 from Amazon »

The Bug-A-Salt might be the coolest thing invented for killing winged and many-legged pests since clapping your hands together and not coming up empty. Using nothing more than a few granules of regular table salt as its...

$10 Million Human Regenerator for Anti-Aging

$557k - $10 million from The Human Regenerator »

Well, $10 million is the price for the super deluxe, diamond-encrusted model of The Human Regenerator. Bargain hunters who are OK with regenerating unsound cells, strengthening their immune systems, and enhancing skin...

Panny Key Block

$14 - $19 from Panny »

I've seen a Veruca Salt-sized Santa Claus sack of wallet and keychain "innovations" over the past few years, and while Panny may not turn the world on its head like the Coin card consolidator, it's definitely making a...

Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

Star Wars on Earth Prints

Stirring scenes from American history, meet stirring scenes from American sci-fi. This set of 4 Star Wars prints from Thirteenth Floor pits some of the Empire's worst villains against some of our own greatest war heroes....

Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock

Ring is a vibrating alarm clock that fits over the finger to gently and noiselessly rip slumberers from their states of peace. It is ideal for couples, the hearing impaired, and people who associate the sound of their...

The Beer Peen Hammer

Now you can use your peen to open your beer. I mean, if you couldn't already. Good Beer Hunting has smithed its Beer Peen Hammer in the likeness of an antique ball peen hammer they picked up at an estate sale. Each of...

Port Sippers Wine Glasses

$45.99 from Amazon »

They say these glasses are for sipping port, but I say port, merlot, Scotch, Kool-Aid, whatever. I mean, they look like a cross between a hookah and a Tanooki suit, so why waste their Awesome value using them only when...

Iron Man 2 Swinging Sticks Kinetic Energy Sculpture

$289 from Amazon »

Even Tony Stark can't concentrate on anything else in the presence of the mesmerizing Swinging Sticks Kinetic Energy Sculpture. Not that Pepper's that interesting anyway. I'd probably be distracted by steam rising off...

Wood Bathymetric Charts

$138 - $298 from Amazon »

Your favorite body of water, naked. This is a very seductive series of maps. The bathymetric charts, subsurface equivalents to topographic charts, are maps laser-cut into sheets of Baltic birch and hand-colored to depict...

Holiday Gift Guide: For Ladies

Ladies. Why is it that I find it so difficult to shop for them, yet they seem to have no trouble at all shopping for themselves? Every time I try to buy the perfect gift for my mama or the girl at my local ice cream store...

Haunt Furniture Luxe Bed

$2,400 - $3k from Haunt Furniture »

They call me Dracoola for my mystical aura, my brooding allure, and my fine taste in modern gothic furniture. Would you like a tour of my faux leather Luxe king bed in matte black finish, ma'am?...

Map of the Internet

$36.95 from Zazzle »

Jay Simons: student; amateur graphic designer; Slovakian; Internet cartographer. If the Web were divided into land masses, grouped along lines of latitude and meridians and flattened into a map on your desk, what would...

Acid Trip Pillow

$39.99 from Amazon »

The actual name of this product is Moonlight Pillow. Really? Has the moon been eating Skittles? Did it swallow a gay pride parade? Because the moon I look at has certainly never gleamed the entire Roy G Biv rainbow. Except...

Curvit Shower Space Expander

$24.99 from Curvit »

Curvit is a clip system that holds shower curtains in a concave position, thereby increasing shower space by up to 50%. It's a simple, inexpensive, and discreet solution that arrives pre-assembled and installs in 3 steps...

The Secret Lives of Superheroes Prints

$20 - $50 from Society 6 »

Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick...

The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

Rekindle Regenerating Candlestick

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud...

HiCan - The Never Leave Your Bed Bed

$55k from hi can »

Italian in both slick aesthetics and siesta-time concept, I exaggerate not when I say the HiCan high fidelity canopy bed will persuade its occupants never to leave its ultra-modern, four-poster confines. HiCan designer...

The Abyss Table

$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...

Boomerang Wok

$160 from Amazon »

Ooh, it's a wok that doesn't make you play 52 Pickup with all the stuff you put in it. The Boomerang Wok features a "unique patented cupped edge" that enables Iron Chef-speed ingredient flipping and agitating with the...

Jet Beds

Oh boy. The magic of the sky meets the magic of where the magic happens. MotoArt, a group of daring-with-a-touch-of-devious mile-high artists, recycles old jet parts into exclusive, flashy pieces of furniture and home...

Solid Brass Paperweight & Top

It's a paperweight. With a top inside. That might give you some pretty trippy dreams starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Use the paperweight element of J.L. Lawson & Co.'s design to squash your flyaway papers under 14.6 ounces...