A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

Household

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Wednesday, April 9, 2014
$320 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found that...

Friday, April 18, 2014
$18.50 from Amazon »

One thing I've never owned is an iron. Not that I'm complaining or consider myself deprived. Owning an iron would probably just make me feel guilty about owning an iron and never using it. I mean, my clothes look great straight...

Friday, April 18, 2014
$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

What? R2-D2 measuring cups?! Dude. If R2-D2 can make me some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies in honor of the fact that I want some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, my whiny ex-girlfriend will officially be correct in her complaints that I always liked R2-D2 more than I liked her....

Sunday, March 23, 2014
$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee with...

Saturday, April 19, 2014
$49.99 from Amazon »

As if it weren't amazing enough that there are paper towels so strong that a single quilted sheet can mop up an entire glass of spilt milk someone's crying over. Now these paper towels' holders can charge up to 4 of my smartphones...

Sunday, November 17, 2013
$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates the writing function altogether! Grasshopper pens don't make to-do lists and get you high, Grasshopper pens only get you high. Because why the hell would I want the option to...

Monday, March 24, 2014
$14 - $19 from Panny »

I've seen a Veruca Salt-sized Santa Claus sack of wallet and keychain "innovations" over the past few years, and while Panny may not turn the world on its head like the Coin card consolidator, it's definitely making a calculated...

Thursday, April 17, 2014
$1,199 - $1,699 from Etsy »

Even if I weren't the Laziest Man Alive I could get down with a king-size mattress hoisted atop a solid wood porch swing bed. Swaying supine in the June breeze, dozing and drooling, sipping 7 & 7 Big Gulps...ahhh, it's the...

Saturday, February 8, 2014
$13 from TIHK »

The Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key is intended for use by trained law enforcement, military, and security professionals only. However, TIHK will sell a pair of them to anyone with a credit card and $13. Because that is the...

Saturday, September 24, 2011
$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Saturday, April 12, 2014
$49.99 - $69.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure it's a cool novelty item to have in your family room or front entryway, plus embodies that which brings you the greatest joy in life (Star Wars), but do you really want to be the type of person who keeps Han Solo trapped...

Thursday, April 17, 2014
$13.99 from Amazon »

OXO says, "There's nothing as luscious as a ripe mango." OXO obviously has never seen Kate Upton's rack. Or Kelly Brook's. Or Christina Hendricks'. However, I do agree that mangoes are in the luscious family. The luscious...

Sunday, March 23, 2014
By: Behance

Right now Juan Lee's Curling Pan is just a concept. A wicked concept that Juan better make happen because a cutting board that curls up into a frying pan when it hits the heat of a stovetop burner? Holy balls that's some Einstein...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
$4.48 from Amazon »

I turboed my motorcycle. I turboed my boat. I turboed my go-kart, my moped, my lawnmower. And last week I pulled off the turbo of all turbos: I sneaked into my preachy, pinched-nose, Aren't-you-going-to-recycle-that? neighbor's...

Monday, February 10, 2014

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud designer...

Monday, February 3, 2014
$36.95 from Zazzle »

Jay Simons: student; amateur graphic designer; Slovakian; Internet cartographer. If the Web were divided into land masses, grouped along lines of latitude and meridians and flattened into a map on your desk, what would it...

Thursday, January 26, 2012
$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank map...

Saturday, April 12, 2014
Sold Out from Amazon »

So...I guess Slothzilla sounded better than King Sloth or Sloth Kong? Or maybe it's creators were just taking a page out of sloth the animal's own book and being lazy about fact checking their re-imaginations of iconic cinematic...

Bar
Friday, September 27, 2013
$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

Wednesday, April 16, 2014
$200 from SUCK UK »

I think someone should make a globe out of bubble wrap so that every time I visit a different country I can gratifyingly pop it off the world. Get to work on that, someone, will you? And in the interim, I guess this cork globe...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014
$6 from Amazon »

Slice makes kinder, gentler tools in soothing hues to perform some of life's rigorous and thankless tasks. Such as opening boxes and impossibly-sealed packages. Hacking through shrink-wrap. Clipping coupons. At least those...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014
$29.95 from Amazon »

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and instant...

Sunday, January 29, 2012
$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

Tuesday, November 5, 2013
$557k - $10 million from The Human Regenerator »

Well, $10 million is the price for the super deluxe, diamond-encrusted model of The Human Regenerator. Bargain hunters who are OK with regenerating unsound cells, strengthening their immune systems, and enhancing skin structure...

Friday, March 28, 2014

Like most great ideas, Robbie Rane came up with his Toilet Sarlacc decals while hanging out with friends, having a few beers, and talking shit. One guy mentioned dropping the kids off at the pool. Another spoke of ending the...

Saturday, February 15, 2014
$6.19 - $7.69 from Amazon »

Raunchy Wrap R-rated wrapping paper reminds me of something my lyrical hero Ludacris once said during his guest vocals on Usher's smash hit dance track "Yeah": "I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." This double...

Monday, August 22, 2011
Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of...

Saturday, March 29, 2014
$20.28 from Amazon »

One time when I was a young boy I, like all young boys, wanted to hang a Tawny Kitaen poster on my wall. But I didn't have any poster putty on hand, so as an alternative I licked its 4 corners and stuck Tawny to my closet...

Tuesday, February 18, 2014
$8.19 from Amazon »

Josh Cooley's book Movies R Fun: A Collection of Cinematic Classics for the Pre-(Film) School Cinephile takes iconic and cult (mostly) R-rated movie scenes as inspiration for artwork styled after children's storybooks. He...

Saturday, November 23, 2013
$275 - $899 from Kult »

Holy Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite! Poison Ivy has just given radical new meaning to the term "thunder thighs." I don't know whether to stop drooling and try to voodoo her out of the print, into my living room, or surround...

Sunday, January 19, 2014
$350 from United Nuclear »

Whoa. The Supermagnet, a 4" diameter, 2" thick neodymium disc, comes with more red alerts than a limo filled with tequila, coke, condomless hookers with herpes, and a blind chauffeur. "WARNING - VERY POWERFUL." "EXTREMELY...

Friday, September 20, 2013
$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

Tuesday, December 31, 2013
$59 - $75 from Etsy »

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we're fighting? I'm trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well...why don't we order some deep dish pizzas...and a few...

Monday, March 3, 2014
$39.95 from Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

Wednesday, November 27, 2013
By: Harow

Another supervillain yahtzee! This black skull armchair was the one prop missing from my master plan to raise an army of babies and eliminate all cats and bike lanes from my township! The only downside is that it does not...

Saturday, December 28, 2013
$97.29 - $138.90 from Amazon »

One time for Christmas I got my grandma a nylon reusable garbage bag to hang off one of her front car seats and my brother laughed at me like it was the worst gift a grandmother could ever receive. But I only got it because...

Tuesday, April 1, 2014
$299.95 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

A gold toilet seat: ostentatious. Indulgent. Ridiculous. A carbon fiber toilet seat: inconspicuous. Practical. Awesome. It's not an extravagance, it's...it's...well, I mean you need a toilet seat, right? And you need to treat...

Tuesday, March 18, 2014
$225 from Amazon »

The reduction of "Little" to "Lil" normally makes me cringe. It might be second only to shortening words with "y" or "ie", or adding the letters to the end of them. "Sammy" instead of "sandwich" is the worst offense. However...

Friday, March 7, 2014
$2,995 - $3,200 from Zane Wylie »

When Zane Wylie was 5 his mom gave him a canister of Play-Doh and Zane Wylie ate it. When Zane Wylie was 8 his mom gave him a pack of colored pencils and a spiral sketch book and Zane Wylie traded the pencils for a couple...

Monday, February 4, 2013

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

Sunday, February 23, 2014
$499 from Kult »

The Star Wars boys give a pretty decent representation of Victorian times, huh? Jabba the Hutt almost looks dapper. Or at least less like the massive wart my friend Cornelius grew on the inside of his arm when he went to hunt...

Friday, September 6, 2013
$75 from indiegogo »

Rolet (roll-ay, like Nube and ole!) is the triple barrel shotgun for pacifists. Really. It loads. It fires. It smokes. And I'd argue that using it will make you feel way better for way longer than shooting something. Though...

Monday, March 31, 2014
$87 from Amazon »

I can hardly stand the anticipation. Game of Thrones. Season 4. Less than a week away. I might pee my pants. Hey! Someone turn off that dragon sink faucet! It's not helping my continence! Hey, wait...a dragon sink faucet?...

Thursday, October 24, 2013
$35 - $100 from Amazon »

As bright as Einstein, as efficient as the French. NanoLeaf is the world's first light bulb to reach--and hold--1600 lumens of output using only 12 watts of electricity. That's the equivalent of a 100W incandescent bulb. And...

Wednesday, January 29, 2014
$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can think...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Though only a concept product--and one that debuted a few years ago--the Cloud Levitating Sofa remains maybe the coolest idea for and aesthetic execution of a couch ever. So I was thinking maybe one of you entrepreneurial...

Friday, October 18, 2013
$40.39 - $56.59 from Firebox.com »

Mystery Boxes are the win-win gift. They make the tedious purchasing and giving process only a molecule more strenuous and demanding of thought than buying a gift certificate to Best Buy or Chick-fil-A, yet their effect will...

Saturday, January 19, 2013
$20 - $50 from Society 6 »

Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick their...

Friday, January 31, 2014
$12,460 from L'ArcoBaleno »

Before you even say it, I agree. $12 grand for the M8, Ron Gilad's "little burly imp" in his IX Mirrors Series?! That's ridiculous! You could make almost the same mirror for a fraction of the cost! Like I said, I agree. So...uh...who...

Sunday, June 23, 2013
$20 from Amazon »

The Add-A-Lock does one better than the portable intruder alarm: it won't just alert you when your one night stand tries to sneak back into your bedroom to sucker you into a committed, long-term relationship during which she...

Thursday, March 13, 2014
$45 from Kropserkel »

One-upping the severed horse head pillowcase: Kropserkel's severed Horse Head Pillow. It's morbid, yet surprisingly plush and comfortable, revenge in 3D! Send one to the vegetarian who always launches into a lecture about...

Bar
Monday, April 7, 2014
$5.99 from Amazon »

I drink all my wine on the rocks, so I don't really need a wine bottle thermometer, but if you're into the whole tradition and preservation and quality thing, maybe you'd like to slip this thermal readout cuff onto your favorite...

Sunday, July 22, 2012
$39.95 from Amazon »

The Bug-A-Salt might be the coolest thing invented for killing winged and many-legged pests since clapping your hands together and not coming up empty. Using nothing more than a few granules of regular table salt as its projectile...

Saturday, February 15, 2014
$1,999 - $2,198 from USU »

The Urban Storage Unit, or USU (pronounced "oooh-sue"), provides up to 1,000 pounds worth of additional storage for people with assigned parking spots in apartment and condominium complexes. Uh, high-end apartment and condominium...

Sunday, January 20, 2013
$55k from hi can »

Italian in both slick aesthetics and siesta-time concept, I exaggerate not when I say the HiCan high fidelity canopy bed will persuade its occupants never to leave its ultra-modern, four-poster confines. HiCan designer Edoardo...

Thursday, September 19, 2013
$50 - $240 from Magic Billet Box »

A Magic Billet represents the assembly of solid, aircraft-grade aluminum and a magnetic locking system. Together, these outstanding components surreptitiously store my stash. Of gum. I have to hide it, you know. Ever since...

Thursday, April 3, 2014
$7.95 from Amazon »

I question this Zipstrip's ability to zippily strip cilantro stalks, which is pretty much the only (culinary) herb I'm aware of that doesn't make me want to sneeze and vomit simultaneously, but if you like rosemary, thyme...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ring is a vibrating alarm clock that fits over the finger to gently and noiselessly rip slumberers from their states of peace. It is ideal for couples, the hearing impaired, and people who associate the sound of their wakeup...

Monday, March 12, 2012
$34.99 from Amazon »

The actual name of this product is Moonlight Pillow. Really? Has the moon been eating Skittles? Did it swallow a gay pride parade? Because the moon I look at has certainly never gleamed the entire Roy G Biv rainbow. Except...

Wednesday, December 26, 2012
$36.99 - $59.99 from Calm the Ham »

Geez, 30 permutations of Batman's Bat-Signal from 1940 to 2012. I wish the stale logos of Ford and Chevrolet would take a page out of the progressive DC Comics' book. Maybe then I'd consider buying an American car as seriously...

Sunday, March 23, 2014
$16.23 from Amazon »

Well I know I would like a Batman mini pizza and some Martian Manhunter cupcakes for lunch today. And The Official DC Super Hero Cookbook says it is suitable for use by people ages 6 and up, so even if my mama refuses to make...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013
$7.93 from Amazon »

I'm sure there are stronger magnets out there, but these tiny, 1/2" x 1/8" neodymium discs carry instructions to keep them away from children and not to use them as toys, so I'd say they have some pretty serious sucking power....

Thursday, March 27, 2014
$39 from Power Mitt »

Amidst all this talk of 2014 being the year of wearable technology, Pete Hottelet's Power Mitt reminds me that the real year of wearable technology was 1989. Even though it's kind of the bastard child of Nintendo on account...

Sunday, December 8, 2013
$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE Creative...

Friday, September 6, 2013
$79 - $94 from GNR 8 »

Tempo Drop is a stylized version of storm glass. Or if, like me, you don't know what the Orville Redenbacher a storm glass is either, then the Tempo Drop is a stylized weather forecaster. The sealed glass container holds a...

Sunday, March 2, 2014
$149.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This pillow saves the person sleeping next to you the trouble of "inadvertently" delivering an elbow to the ribs when you're snoring louder than a wounded bull. How? First it detects these disturbances of the peace with an...

Thursday, October 17, 2013
$1,800 from Richard Clarkson »

Richard Clarkson's profoundly-titled Cloud defies Mother Nature by hovering amidst indoor skies and venting its beastly thunder and lightning only when inclement weather jibes with your schedule. Such as when you are wooing...