A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

Household

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Saturday, December 13, 2014

I can't believe it! Just yesterday I was thinking about cartoon sex--albeit between people, not dragons--and today I find a whole calendar of cartoon sex stills! And you know what: I think the thinking thinks even better subbing...

Friday, December 5, 2014

Ladies. Why is it that I find it so difficult to shop for them, yet they seem to have no trouble at all shopping for themselves? Every time I try to buy the perfect gift for my mama or the girl at my local ice cream store...

Thursday, December 11, 2014
$275 - $3k from Cryptex »

Talk about usable art. Justin Nevins' Cryptex Security Boxes might be the most compelling pieces of Keep Your Mitts Off My Stuff I've seen all year. Tactical shelving and hidden doors included. The designer hand makes 3 echelons of his coded vaults for people with moderate to insane amounts of money to blow on protecting their most precious small personal effects. All Cryptex Security boxes have...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014
$27 from Amazon »

This Swiss Army tool will grant you access to Warren Buffett's safe deposit box, Chuck Norris' weapons stash, and Angelina Jolie's sex toy box. I mean, if you have the key and all. The KeySmart is a keychain designed to hold...

Thursday, June 26, 2014
$24.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid the...

Saturday, September 24, 2011
$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance, and more low blows from the country that claims to be the best at everything. I mean, even my grandma had an arsenal of colorful words to describe Japan, and all of them were...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014
$181.23 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found that...

Sunday, November 17, 2013
$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates...

Tuesday, December 16, 2014
$8.30 from Amazon »

I wouldn't typically brag about something I have that's only 1.47" long, but when it comes to a powerful flashlight I want to attach to my keychain or dangle from my belt loop Streamlight's Nano Light actually gets points...

Monday, June 2, 2014
$5 - $100 from Galactic Cap »

"The Galactic Cap is a condom men will want to wear and their partners will love. A better alternative, it will increase condom use and promote healthier sex." Want to wear? Partners will love? Well. Considering this just-the-tip...

Sunday, November 9, 2014
$139.95 from Amazon »

Ooh, a hidden door to a boudoir of lingerie and sex toys? Maybe pretending to be interested in books wasn't the worst, most boring mistake I ever made to get a girl to like me after all. Yeah, babe, I do see your first edition...

Saturday, December 6, 2014
$21.99 - $24.99 from Bondic »

The future of glue is...not a glue! That's Bondic's battle cry anyway. According to its creators, the world's first Liquid Plastic Welder works anywhere glue does, plus anywhere glue fails like a stoner playing Whac-A-Mole....

Tuesday, December 9, 2014
$119.37 from Amazon »

I don't chop onions or slice cucumbers, I slay them with a 67-layer damascus dragon pattern! This Japanese stainless steel knife is super sharp and clad in everyone's favorite hip-yet-medieval-sounding steel: damascus....

Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Sold Out from Amazon »

I feel like giving men tool kits as gifts is sort of like giving women exercise equipment: it's the ultimate passive aggressive way to take a dig. In this case, "Hey, do some chores," instead of, "Hey, lose some weight." But...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Deck the halls with boughs of holly and deck my right hand with a few drams of single barrel Scotch from the Whisky Advent Calendar. Yeah, like I'll be able to spread that pot of peaty liquid gold over 24 whole days, what...

Saturday, December 13, 2014
$16.35 from Amazon »

The best part about the Bella Waffle Bowl Maker--I mean aside from the fact that it's a glorious device from heaven that makes waffle bowls--is that it also makes...are you ready?...COOKIE BOWLS. Sometimes when I'm having...

Thursday, January 26, 2012
$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank map...

Saturday, November 29, 2014
$1,500 from Kozyndan »

Holy crap, it's fantastical beast overload! It almost hurts to look at it, it's so stirring and extraordinary. And, according to the unicornarwhal sculpture's creators, it also explains a lot. How can a whale with a ginormous...

Sunday, March 23, 2014
$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee with...

Thursday, August 28, 2014
$120 - $490 from Tactical Walls »

Although the word "tactical" has become as overused as the word "awesome", Tactical Walls reminds us there are still times when it can be applied meaningfully and justifiably. And also awesomely. Tactical Walls are inserts...

Saturday, February 8, 2014
$12.99 - $36.99 from Amazon »

The Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key is intended for use by trained law enforcement, military, and security professionals only. However, TIHK will sell a pair of them to anyone with a credit card and $13. Because that is the...

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Stirring scenes from American history, meet stirring scenes from American sci-fi. This set of 4 Star Wars prints from Thirteenth Floor pits some of the Empire's worst villains against some of our own greatest war heroes. Each...

Sunday, January 29, 2012
$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

Wednesday, December 10, 2014
$24.99 from Amazon »

The RADTriage Radiation Detector is a U.S. Military-grade personal dosimeter, which I need because the homeless guy outside my office is always warning me about how the government is secretly allowing high levels of radiation...

Monday, November 10, 2014
$10k from Sky Mall »

My friend Victor showed me this Serenity Pod. Actually he showed me the ones meant for dogs and cats, but I was like, Victor. Why would I spend one thousand dollars to give my pet a world of serenity and slumber when I can...

Monday, August 22, 2011
Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of...

Tuesday, October 7, 2014
$19.70 from Amazon »

UZI incorporates a few different tools into its Defender line of pens to award them the "tactical" buzzword. This version, the TACPEN6-GM has a glass breaker and handcuff key fitted to its lightweight aircraft aluminum body....

Bar
Friday, September 27, 2013
$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

Thursday, July 31, 2014
$21.99 from Amazon »

Each of these Higo no Kami knives, traditional Japanese non-locking folding blades, are handmade and imported directly from Japan. And if you don't believe me, believe the superb English translation of their product description:...

Friday, November 21, 2014
$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

Welp, depending on who's in the shower, Han Solo might not mind that he's now stuck in both Carbonite and a shower curtain. I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty sick of looking at naked Leia over the past 30 years, but if some...

Monday, March 24, 2014
$14 - $19 from Panny »

I've seen a Veruca Salt-sized Santa Claus sack of wallet and keychain "innovations" over the past few years, and while Panny may not turn the world on its head like the Coin card consolidator, it's definitely making a calculated...

Sunday, November 30, 2014
$47.29 from Amazon »

Soothe sore muscles, melt away tension, and (ladies) enjoy some alone time with red wine and powerful jets. Conair's Dual Jet Bath Spa fancifies any bathtub into an underwater den of relaxation and personal gratification....

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Um, they need to put a track of The End Is in Sight double contrasting-colored lines on all spooled adhesive products, not just black electrical tape. This is so simple, yet so useful in saving me 42 seconds and foot-stamping...

Sunday, July 6, 2014
$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg from...

Wednesday, November 12, 2014
$34.95 from SmartCharge »

Electricity is one of those things we don't typically give much thought to until we don't have it. Or until we get struck by lightning. And while SmartCharge LED light bulbs will not un-fry your brain from the latter, the...

Tuesday, November 4, 2014
$195 - $215 from Boone Rings »

If Bruce Boone's Man Ring is too much Guido for your finger, have a look at his latest creation: the Man Tag. Incorporating all of its predecessor's multi-tool implements, plus a few more for acts of self-defense, the Man...

Tuesday, November 5, 2013
$557k - $10 million from The Human Regenerator »

Well, $10 million is the price for the super deluxe, diamond-encrusted model of The Human Regenerator. Bargain hunters who are OK with regenerating unsound cells, strengthening their immune systems, and enhancing skin structure...

Monday, February 4, 2013

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Though only a concept product--and one that debuted a few years ago--the Cloud Levitating Sofa remains maybe the coolest idea for and aesthetic execution of a couch ever. So I was thinking maybe one of you entrepreneurial...

Wednesday, October 29, 2014
$32 - $125 from Lakeland »

Thomas Povey is a rocket scientist at Oxford University. But when he's not applying his thermodynamics expertise to advanced jet engines, he kicks back and thinks about how it might enable him to fry his eggs and blood sausages...

Friday, September 20, 2013
$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

Monday, February 3, 2014
$36.95 from Zazzle »

Jay Simons: student; amateur graphic designer; Slovakian; Internet cartographer. If the Web were divided into land masses, grouped along lines of latitude and meridians and flattened into a map on your desk, what would it...

Tuesday, October 28, 2014
$20 - $69 from Kickstarter »

Brian Conti, also responsible for Strong Like Bull Magnets, heads toward Magnet Magnate status with his new Kickstarter project, bottleLoft. botteLoft strips are magnetic bottle holders that install on the ceiling of your...

Monday, February 10, 2014

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud designer...

Sunday, July 27, 2014
$93 from ZEUSArsenal »

I received a sample of the ZEUS Thunder vaporizer pen for a state-of-matter-changing test drive. Unfortunately, it was right after my mama coerced me into signing an agreement to submit to random marijuana tests in exchange...

Wednesday, November 12, 2014
$1,250 from Stephan Siepermann »

Muahahaha, Mama! You'll never be able to steal my Bailey's Irish Cream again once I hide it within the impenetrable walls of the Mr. Knox wooden safe!...

Sunday, July 22, 2012
$47.90 from Amazon »

The Bug-A-Salt might be the coolest thing invented for killing winged and many-legged pests since clapping your hands together and not coming up empty. Using nothing more than a few granules of regular table salt as its projectile...

Sunday, November 9, 2014
$330 from Steve Goodson »

Bobby Flay uses one of Steven Goodson's custom, handmade leather knife rolls. And have you seen Bobby Flay's wife? Hot. Dude has good taste. Know who else has a knife roll? Chefs Judy Joo and Andrew Hales. Yeah, I've never...

Friday, December 5, 2014
$29.95 from Amazon »

Looks like the reindeer are out of a job. Santaur can fly his own damn sleigh, what with this new quad of furry legs and a pile of Greek mythology backing him now. Also new to the Santa Claus table: guns and a 6-pack. Dude...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ring is a vibrating alarm clock that fits over the finger to gently and noiselessly rip slumberers from their states of peace. It is ideal for couples, the hearing impaired, and people who associate the sound of their wakeup...

Sunday, August 24, 2014
By: Kolenik

Once I'd covered fish aquarium bathroom sinks and aquaponic end tables I figured the whole fish-in-your-furniture schtick had run its course. What other piece of home decor could incorporate aquatic life without seeming like...

Saturday, November 23, 2013
$275 - $899 from Kult »

Holy Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite! Poison Ivy has just given radical new meaning to the term "thunder thighs." I don't know whether to stop drooling and try to voodoo her out of the print, into my living room, or surround...

Friday, October 3, 2014
$49 from Missing Digit »

I think the Sparta Knife Block is even better than the Ex Knifeholder because while they are both clever ideas, the Sparta version connotes a brave and stoic warrior defending me instead of an angry and vengeful woman puncturing...

Saturday, January 19, 2013
$20 - $50 from Society 6 »

Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick their...

Bar
Saturday, November 22, 2014
$62.51 from Amazon »

Cold as ice...and watered down as George Carlin doing standup at Sunday Mass. Not the best combination when you're serving and drinking beverages. The BrewTender is an 80-ounce drink dispenser sized for the tabletop and fitted...

Wednesday, September 24, 2014
$4.95 from Amazon »

Now this looks like a fun project for a Wednesday night. Gather up all of the remote controls with buttons to which I must apply approximately 18 kilonewtons of force* to get to work, and fix them with some goo that looks...

Sunday, January 20, 2013
$55k from hi can »

Italian in both slick aesthetics and siesta-time concept, I exaggerate not when I say the HiCan high fidelity canopy bed will persuade its occupants never to leave its ultra-modern, four-poster confines. HiCan designer Edoardo...

Monday, March 12, 2012
$39.99 from Amazon »

The actual name of this product is Moonlight Pillow. Really? Has the moon been eating Skittles? Did it swallow a gay pride parade? Because the moon I look at has certainly never gleamed the entire Roy G Biv rainbow. Except...

Sunday, November 2, 2014
$289.99 from Amazon »

Sometimes it's hard to seduce a lady on a grizzly bear skin rug coat alongside a roaring fire when you don't have any means to create a roaring fire. And after that last incident with the sirens and hoses, I doubt my mama...

Tuesday, December 31, 2013
$59 - $75 from Etsy »

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we're fighting? I'm trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well...why don't we order some deep dish pizzas...and a few...

Wednesday, November 27, 2013
By: Harow

Another supervillain yahtzee! This black skull armchair was the one prop missing from my master plan to raise an army of babies and eliminate all cats and bike lanes from my township! The only downside is that it does not...

Friday, November 7, 2014
$38.75 - $114.22 from Amazon »

RotopaX, available in 1, 1.75, 2, 3, and 4-gallon capacities, are modular cells that mount to motorcycles, ATVs, SUVs, your mom's back, and trucks. They hold backup fuel, water, or any number of emergency preparedness supplies....

Sunday, May 25, 2014
$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Infinite Dungeon Corridor. Enter at your own risk...and inevitable peril. Ow! I think I jammed my finger on a mirror!...

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE Creative...

Bar
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
$49.95 from Amazon »

Though the Silhouette wine glass appears to be designed to make the wine drinking process less difficult and embarrassing for people with inordinately large noses, its true benefits extend to proboscises of all sizes. The...

Sunday, November 9, 2014
$8 - $25 from Amazon »

Christmas lights powered by the sun. I'm pretty sure that statement equates to less work for my mama, and less hassling of me by my mama to help her with the Christmas lights. Sure, INST's strands still require unraveling...

Wednesday, December 26, 2012
$36.99 - $59.99 from Calm the Ham »

Geez, 30 permutations of Batman's Bat-Signal from 1940 to 2012. I wish the stale logos of Ford and Chevrolet would take a page out of the progressive DC Comics' book. Maybe then I'd consider buying an American car as seriously...

Friday, April 25, 2014
$500 - $950 from Casper »

Casper believes the main selling point of their mattress is its ability to both hug and contour and resist and bounce, thereby making sex on top of it 1,000 times better. At least that's the outcome I'm hoping for. Better...