Household

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US State 3D Wood Topographic Maps

$75 - $125 from Etsy »

And if you go with Florida, you can use your 3D Wood Topographic Map as a perfectly level cutting board! Haha, Florida's flatter than piss on a plate. I've always wanted to ride a Schwinn 10 Speed top-to-bottom through...

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Le Labo Santal 26 Fragrance Diffuser

$590 from Le Labo »

Le Labo says, "Sure, Thomas Edison gave us light, but he didn't include a nebulizer to transform our Santal 26 fragrance oil into a fine mist to spread both light and perfume into your home," which is crazy because I...

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Height Adjustable Pot & Pan Organizer Rack

$49.99 from Amazon »

As much as I love the cacophony of all my pots and pans shifting, smashing, and tumbling when I crouch down and remove one from the kitchen cabinet, I can see why some might prefer their cookware in the tidy, partitioned...

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Mini CCTV Screw Camera

$17.99 from Amazon »

It's a screw cam! No, not that kind...well. What you use it for is up to you, I guess. But I'm calling it a screw cam because this miniature CCTV camera looks like the piece of hardware--a simple screw just minding its...

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Mini Marimo Aquarium

$7.80 - $11.80 from Etsy »

Here's a tiny Marimo Aquarium for all of you insane adventurous people out there moving into tiny houses. Think of it as a housewarming gift. Except, uh, you'll need to buy it yourself. Even at the tiny prices Etsy shop...

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T-Rex Skull Shower Head

$20 from Etsy »

He may be dead and decomposed, but that doesn't mean T-Rex isn't still capable of spewing the stink off you. Roman Mirskiy creates his T-Rex Skull Shower Heads on a 3D printer. They're all made from high-quality ABS plastic...

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Iron Dinosaur Toilet Paper Holder

$34.94 from Amazon »

Got some Charmin t.p. or some Bounty p.t.'s you need held up long and proud? The Iron Dinosaur is at your service. Suitable for holding 2 ultra-plush double rolls of toilet paper or 1 super-absorbent cylinder of paper...

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Trojan Hidden Dining Set

$1,595 from Expand Furniture »

Lift up the Trojan console's skirt and find--surprise!--4 baby Trojan chairs. All ready to pop out at a speed inversely proportional to April the giraffe's calf, and set up alongside the expandable table's foldout leaves...

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The Crook-Catcher Deluxe Thief Detection Kit

$48.49 from Amazon »

Stapler, sodie, and steak sandwich stealers of my office (and the world!) beware. You have been marked. And I promise, with my keen detective skills and 9-LED UV flashlight, I. Will. Find you....

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Moon & Planet Lamps

$88.15 - $143.25 from Etsy »

Sleep under the light of the moon even on stormy nights, and enjoy the orange blaze of Jupiter without making futile attempts to go to Jupiter with one of these sweet spherical lamps from Pulsar Moonlight. Each is a unique...

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Landscape Kitchen Knife Set

$134.99 from Amazon »

According to Chef's Vision, "This is not a knife set. It's a piece of art." ... ... ... "However it's also a knife set." And there's your Deep Thought of the day*....

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Playable PONG Coffee Table

$990 - $1,290 from Table PONG Project »

The Atari PONG Table isn't the first example we've seen of an element of the gaming world transformed into a coffee table...that's still fully functional as an element in the gaming world. Remember this Nintendo controller...

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Temperature-Controlled Electric Kettle

$59.99 from Amazon »

Just like you prefer some coffees and teas over others, coffees and teas prefer some temperatures of hot water over others. Taking the ease and efficiency of using an electric kettle to heat water one step further, the...

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CliniCloud Medical Kit

$149.99 from Amazon »

CliniCloud set out to create a home medical kit for those with decidedly non-medical backgrounds. Its small zip-up pouch contains a non-contact thermometer and a digital stethoscope, both of which connect to an iOS or...

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HEX On Demand+ Spray & Go Gear Cleaner

$9.99 from Amazon »

HEX knows the best part of working out is when you can't go right home and throw your sweaty stuff in the laundry or STINKBoss after, so you wad it up in a plastic bag and leave it to roast in your car for the next 8...

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Monster Vault Under-the-Bed Safe

$695 from Amazon »

Why does a monster under the bed have to be scary or out to get you? Why can't it be there to keep you safe. Or, in the case of the Monster Vault, to be a safe? The Monster Vault is a slim under-the-bed safe for storing...

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Vertical Waffle Maker

$51.61 from Amazon »

A waffle maker with the profile of a toaster, and that's not even the best part of Cuisinart's vertical Belgian beauty. The best part is that you pour the batter in through a spout on top of the machine, up to a clearly...

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Bibo Barmaid Cocktail Machine

$229.99 from Amazon »

If you actually drink Appletinis and Mai Tais, the Bibo Barmaid is the gadget for you. If you don't, hey, an automatic cocktail machine. The perfect gift for your girlfriend, your wife, or maybe your tequila-swiggin'...

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Auton Under-the-Bed TV Lifts

$7,595 - $13,895 from Auton »

What's that, She-Ra? No, nope, I wasn't watching TV in bed. Do you see a TV in here? Must have heard Legion blaring from another unit...hey, no! Don't...don't look under the bed!...

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Magisso Perfect Slice Cake Server

$14.99 - $41.23 from Amazon »

Magisso says its curvy Cake Server will "Banish dessert-course anxiety!" Better than Xanax, I wonder? Because it would be really great if I didn't have to give my girlfriend one of mine every time she has to cut up a...

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Army Man Bottle Opener

$5.69 from Amazon »

Happy Cheap Gift for Dad Thursday! Now when's Father's Day again? Not 'til June. Huh. Maybe Pops would like an Army Man Bottle Opener from the Easter Bunny....

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The Meteorite Pen

$399 - $449 from B. Smith & Co. »

What's this strange thing from outer space, you ask? It's called a pen. Humans used to use them to communicate in writing before there were computer keyboards and touchscreens. And this particular pen, the Meteorite Pen...

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Fire Extinguisher Ball

$79.99 from Amazon »

In a way, AFO makes a fireball you can sling at your enemies to fight them off. But here your enemies won't be Goombas or Sagat, they'll be the flaming tongues of a stove fire or tipped-over candle, and your fireball...

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Solar System in a Bottle

While Little Planet Factory, like science, has also shunned Pluto as a planet in its Solar System in a Bottle, I think they make up for it by having crafted and calibrated the 8 remaining MVEMJSUN to scale. At 1:5,000,000,000....

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Crying Unicorn Candle

$24.79 from Firebox.com »

Is a crying unicorn a sign of impending doom or a hint that I should go get my coffee cup and drink up that rainbow magic for good luck?...

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Safe-T Designer Fire Extinguishers

$99 - $199 from Safe-T »

Even fire extinguishers have succumbed to the pressure of making every piece of crap I own stylized, customized, and personalized so that it's uniquely representative of ME! Saving lives and avoiding burning down my girlfriend's...

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Skull Gas Fireplace Logs

Sold Out from Amazon »

Time to surprise my girlfriend with a romantic night by the fire. And a romantic fire filled with human skull fireplace logs. Who knew bone made such fine kindling?...

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Urchin Bean Bag Chair

$19,500 from Blackman Cruz »

The Urchin Bean Bag Chair. Just in case your BDSM bordello is missing a touch of magic from the sea. Designed by Ursula Blackman Cruz, this leather-upholstered lounger is certainly a standout in home decor. Some might...

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Ghostbusters Ghost Trap Wall Hooks

Gotta hang that Venkman jacket somewhere. The Ghostbusters Ghost Trap Wall Hooks store your coats and, check out the GIF, contain your keys so they don't wreak havoc on your

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June Intelligent Oven

$1,495 from Amazon »

The June Intelligent Oven is the Oprah of skills: now YOU'RE a good cook...and YOU'RE a good cook...and YOU'RE a good cook! Yes, that's right, without training, practice, or talent June will make everyone think you're...

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Bish's Tear Mender Fabric & Leather Adhesive

$5.48 - $18.11 from Amazon »

Question, Mr. Bish: does your Tear Mender adhesive work on all areas of fabric and leather textiles? Like say, for example, on the crotch of a pair of black leather pants that might have gotten ripped during an 80s theme...

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Nuni Tortilla Toaster

$79.99 from Nuni »

I don't care how much I don't need a Nuni Tortilla Toaster, I need a Nuni Tortilla Toaster. Uno of all, tacos are the most delectable dish a human mind has ever conceived. Dos of all, when it's pissing rain outside, they...

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Magna Cart Folding Hand Truck

$31.22 from Amazon »

I've used the Magna Cart to haul everything from my beer-filled cooler and portable grill, to giant boxes of old books the used book shop told me they didn't want either, to my girlfriend's fiddle leaf fig tree. Five...

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Flameless Arc Lighter for Candles & BBQs

$19.97 from Amazon »

Like the slide, this flameless arc lighter is electric, so you can boogie-woogie-woogie through wind and rain, and without filling and refilling it with gas fluid. The long handle provides easier and safer access to hot...

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Lekue Silicone Bagel Mold

$19.99 from Amazon »

I! Love! Bagels! Ilovebagels. And I'm not even related to Oprah. But once Oprah sees this bagel mold I'm about to get from Lekue I bet she'll want to come over to boil bagels and schmear 'em up with me like we're cousins...

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Felt Stone Area Rugs

$135.87 - $2,119.57 from Etsy »

These felt stone area rugs and mats are an optical illusion! They look like a path of hard, smooth rocks, but are actually ultra-soft, textured rounds of merino sheep and llama wool. Oh man, now I'm torn. Should I put...

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Butter Savers

$13.01 - $13.66 from Amazon »

My girlfriend loves it when I slice off a hunk of butter and then just kind of slap whatever wrapper remnants the knife didn't cut off back over the exposed end before putting the stick back in the fridge. The next time...

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Mixologist's Bubble Cocktail Glass

Sold Out from Amazon »

Bubble Cocktail glasses are invertible domes of drinkware, transparent globes you can fill with your favorite tinctures and accents, and then flip upside down to balance and present on their silicone stoppers. Why? Because...

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Vacuum Cleaner Mini Attachment Kit

$12.99 from Amazon »

Think of a mini attachment kit for your existing vacuum as a more dynamic, more effective, and way, way more adorable way to clean out the crevices of your computer keyboard, electronics, and car consoles than compressed...

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WETNFIX Wall Plug Securers

$9.49 from Amazon »

WETNFIX gets it: sometimes you just need a little boost, get a little bigger to keep it from falling out of, or getting swallowed inside, the hole. Because the hole itself, that's already there. And whether it's just...

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Darth Vader Grinder

$18.55 from Amazon »

Who'd-a thought Darth Vader could grind? It looks like the Dark Lord has added pulverizing your favorite herbs and spices with an Exorcist-caliber 360-degree spin of his head to existing his repertoire of menacing, saber...

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My Paint Saint Touchup Kit

$14.99 from Amazon »

Yes, as you can see, My Paint Saint stores your cans of touchup paint together with their brushes for quick grabbing and instant touching upping. But the even better part of that visual: storing your cans of touchup paint...

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Mason Jar Storage Racks

$22 from Amazon »

The best gifts I ever get are the ones I can eat, and especially the ones I can eat that come in a mason jar. Jam. Pickles. Moonshine. I even like beets. Oh, and dude, a lady from my office building gave me a mason jar...

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Revolution Sideways Wine Glasses

$59 from GNR 8 »

What's nice about the Revolution wine glass being turned on its side is that it makes it easy for someone else to hold the stem and feed me more wine, or whiskey, when I'm too incapacitated to do it myself. Oh no wait...

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Bam Vino Wine & Liquor Bottle Holders

$29.97 - $73.09 from Amazon »

Even if your Bam Vino is wearing the cap of your favorite MLB team, it's OK to pray for a swing and a miss when the bat's your $300 bottle of Richebourg Grand Cru. Or, if you're not into wine, this baseball player bust...

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Tabletop Fireplace

$69.99 from Amazon »

Complement those lazy, hazy, crazy...miserable, cold-ass days of winter with a Vigo tabletop fireplace. The piece's dual stainless steel burners run on Moda Flame ventless ethanol fuel, so no electricity, gas, chimney...

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Grubbin' on the Couch Bowls

It's time for a tactical chowdown. No Netflix marathon is complete without a parade of snacks on the coffee table, and every parade marches better with a bowl of Froot Loops as its grand marshal. Frosted Flakes if you...

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Boa Sofa

$38,855 - $62,164 from Switch Modern »

And you thought you'd never find the perfect gift for Medusa and Voldemort. The Boa Sofa was designed by brothers Fernando and Humberto Campana, and I just wonder what this snaky, sultry joint venture says about their...