Food

High-Protein Bone Broth K-Cups

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Beef. It's what's for...your morning cup of coffee. Healthy living champion LonoLife has put together a series of packable little K-cup soups and broths that brew quick & tasty in any compatible single-serve coffee maker....

Da Bomb Ghost Pepper Nuts

$8.67 from Amazon »

Oh nuts, I just burned off a few hundred more taste buds (good thing the Internet says they'll grow back in a couple of weeks.) Da Bomb Ghost Pepper Nuts kiss an 8-ounce tin of everyone's favorite anaphylactic shock allergen...

Mini Nutella Jars

$28.95 from Amazon »

Finally I can justify eating an entire jar of Nutella. The only problem is that these mini glass bottles of the creamerrific hazelnut spread come in packs of 16. So it's going to be like me and a bag of fun-size snickers:...

Super Mario Candy Easter Egg

It may not be a block, but crack your head against this yellow question mark and you'll still enjoy the spoils of gold coins and a mushroom o' added life. Or at least a temporary increase in energy from its 58 or so grams...

Edible Printer Paper

$25.79 from Amazon »

Hey kids, now you can blame the dog or your dad for eating your homework. Or just do it yourself. This pack of edible paper is even printer-ready for replicating high-quality photographs and graphics in food-grade ink....

Halo Top Eat-the-Whole-Pint Healthy Ice Cream

$5.99 from Halo Top »

This is the Halo Top pitch: 240 to 280 calories per pint, and it more than doesn't suck. In fact, get a jar of PB2, mix some of that powdery peanut butter goodness into a personal vat of Halo Top Chocolate, and you won't...

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Death Wish Coffee - The World's Strongest Coffee

$19.99 from Amazon »

Having a death wish can score you $5 million. At least in free Super Bowl 50 advertising, and at least if you're Death Wish Coffee Co. In addition to the hyper buzz they get from downing cups of their ultra-caffeinated...

IPA Beer Brittle

$24.88 from Amazon »

Give your lady some fine truffles for Valentine's Day, and maybe she'll return the favor with a package of GoodHead flavored gel. Or, as a first runner up, Small Batch Brittle's IPA Beer Brittle....

Moon Cheese

$8.01 - $48.60 from Amazon »

Moon Cheese is for people who want to eat snacks that are low-carb and gluten-free, and also for people who want to eat snacks that are effing delicious. How do I describe it? Imagine eating Cheetos built entirely from...

Peanut Butter & Jam Old Fashioned

$56.59 from Firebox.com »

PB&J has grown up. Now it's the perfect companion for the dude who just wants to relax with a sophisticated adult beverage...but doesn't want to stray too far from his favorite squishy, sticky, nummy childhood sammich....

Solid Chocolate Revolver

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Why pack heat when you can pack sweets? (Plus a few pounds onto your butt and gut.) This revolver from Chocolate Weapons is an exact, full-size replica molded from almost a pound of solid milk chocolate. It comes in a...

Sansaire Steak Aging Sauce

$24.99 from Amazon »

If you've got a Crock-Pot or a fancy foodie sous vide cooker, Sansaire says their Steak Aging Sauce will infuse your meat with "the complex flavor of dry aging" in no more than the amount of time it takes you to cook...

Franklin's Finest Emergency Survival Coffee

$7.31 from Amazon »

I feel like I need Emergency Survival Coffee every morning, so I guess the only thing that sets Franklin's Finest apart from my standard cup of grocery store grind is semantics. They mean "real" emergency that requires...

10-Pound Toblerone Bar

$102.54 from Amazon »

Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...

SurvivAMINO - Survival Protein Substitute

$27.89 from Amazon »

SurvivAMINO will rePLACE proTEIN. Help you mainTAIN StrenGTH. Eliminate the hasSLE of CHEWing and TASTing FOOD. For active outdoorsman, backpackers, sailors, soldiers, or just mildly active dudes living in suburbia and...

LIVIN Farms Edible Insect Hive

$499 - $599 from Livin Farms »

They don't call them mealworms for nothing. LIVIN Farms' Hive might look like a storage tower for your loose screws and bolts, but slide one of these drawers open and the only spare parts you'll find are the squirmy ones...

Grow Your Own Escargot Kit

$53.39 from Firebox.com »

Note: Converting them from snails to escargot is optional. You are welcome just to grow them and name them and keep them as snuggly (with a side of slime) pets. Otherwise: Attention kitchen magicians! If your bag of culinary...

Outer Space Vodka

$5.99 - $29.99 from Outer Space Vodka »

What's scarier than this freak parade of masks on Halloween night? The head-splitting, toilet-hugging hangover we're all going to have Sunday morning. Especially with 1) Daylight Saving Time ending at 2 a.m., giving everyone...

Jane's Brew Cannabis-Infused Coffee

Down a cup of Jane's Brew and you'll feel the buzz, the clarity, the drive, the...sudden desire to eat a family-size bag of chips and take a nap. Jane calls her cannabis-infused coffee, available as pods, pod bags, or...

Anchor Anti-Nausea Bar

$11.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Sea sick? Morning sick? Meds sick? Eight Rum & Cokes and maybe a shot of whiskey sick? Anchor yourself....

GO CUBES Chewable Coffee

$20 from Nootrobox »

GO CUBES are what happens when real-life Willy Wonkas get their hands on coffee beans. In this case, Willy is Nootrobox, a supplements company focused on nootropics, or drugs with cognitive enhancing properties. Smart...

West Coast Roasting Hand-Roasted-to-Order Coffee

$17.25 - $19 from West Coast Roasting Company »

Nate and Melissa White created West Coast Roasting. They have hand-roasted, bagged, and labelled every batch of coffee they've ever produced. To order. Since long before, as they so winningly put it, "people put mustaches...

La Salamandra Argentinian Dulce de Leche

$218.77 from Amazon »

Amongst all the cows Argentina is known for converting to internationally-renowned ribs and steaks there must be a few they keep around and milk for converting into what is apparently also internationally-renowned dulce...

Ghost Pepper Honey

$14.99 from Geddes Farms »

And she looked at you and said, "You want your honey? Oh, this bitch is about to give you your honey." I think that's the inspiration behind Geddes Farms' Ghost Pepper Honey. The retaliation might not go quite as planned...

Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

Breaking Bad Los Pollos Hermanos Fry Batter

$18.99 from Amazon »

Celebrate this summer--and finding Walter--with a big bucket of Los Pollos Hermanos fried chicken. And if you don't live close enough to Breaking Bad's fictional representation of Albuquerque to grab some, grab a bucket...

Black Peanut Butter

$5 from Frolic »

While I don't really know what's up with the price of Frolic's black peanut butter being quoted in Indonesian rupiah*, I do know what's up with its blackness. And it's not squid ink, medicinal charcoal, or blood infected...

Ego Boost Beauty Chocolate with Collagen

$13.39 from Firebox.com »

I have bad news and I have good news. The bad news: stuffing your face with chocolate will plump up your ass with unsightly cottage cheese-looking lumps of fat. The good news: stuffing your face with Ego Boost chocolate...

Chocolate Megalodon Shark Teeth

$15.99 from Fossilera »

Why eat a chocolate bunny for Easter this year when you can eat...all the chocolate bunnies on earth with a massive chocolate megalodon shark tooth? Muahahaha! These edible and...wait for it...toothsome replicas are molded...

Halfpops - Half-popped Popcorn

$43.77 from Amazon »

Halfpops are the Hans & Franz of popcorn. Where sissy girly men might eat airy, puffy, pouf clouds for snacks, real Alphas eat Halfpops. Halfpops take your regular popcorn kernels and [clap] pump them up. Less popping...

X-Mode Energy Shots on Tap

$29.99 from Amazon »

Uh oh. As if kegs of beer and boxes of wine aren't dangerous enough in my hands. I don't want children, but I have a feeling if I spent an hour in a room with X-Mode and its 100 ounces of energy shots on tap I'd walk...

DIY Inside-Out Hard Boiled Eggs

The Golden Goose has already made famous man's power to scramble an egg in its shell, but what if you want to defy and blaspheme the chicken gods even further? Not only whip and muddle their dead fetuses around inside...

Vodquila

Vodquila. A mix of vodka, tequila, and a first class ticket to a hangover-free Sunday morning. I know they say two wrongs don't make a right and all that crapola, but I don't think that's true for alcohol. Like, I'm pretty...

Bulk Single Flavor Candy

$10.99 - $50.98 from Amazon »

Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...

Mushroom Log Kit

$29.95 from Williams Sonoma »

They won't be magically delicious, but the mushrooms that grow out of these spore-injected logs will be tasty as shiitake. Williams Sonoma's homegrown mushroom kit features a hand-cut hardwood log filled will little fertilized...

Chocolution Exploration Kits

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

One swell habit I developed over the holiday season was eating large quantities of food. Particularly those containing bacon and chocolate (usually separately, but sometimes together). So my New Year's Resolution is to...

World's Largest Box of Nerds Candy

$22.99 from Amazon »

This looks healthy. A little grand finale to the Christmas ham and candied yams? (And apple pie, fudge, half a dozen of those Corn Flake cookies dyed green and shaped like wreaths....) The World's Largest Box of Nerds...

The Bacon Jams

$14.99 from The Bacon Jams »

Bacon jam is kind of like peanut butter: intended as a spread or topping, but inevitably eaten by the spoonful standing at the kitchen counter. Preserved pork advocates The Bacon Jams are happy to oblige either method...

Schweddy Balls Peanut Butter Malt Balls

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No one can resist Pete's Schweddy Balls. They come from an old family recipe. Delicate and toothsome with a moist, chewy center, Schweddy Balls will put all other balls you've ever put in your mouth to shame. With their...

Flump Face - Your Photo on a Giant Marshmallow

$20.49 from Firebox.com »

Oh man, I cannot wait to toast my ex-girlfriend Karen's face over a roaring fire or blow it up in the microwave. Flump Face gives us the great pleasure of printing favorite pics of ourselves, the people we love, or the...

DIY Jet Black Hellfire Burgers

$10.77 from Amazon »

I wouldn't be surprised if the secret ingredient to concocting a jet black burger that looks like it's been roasted on the flames of hell was one that inflicted a weeklong case of Montezuma's Revenge. But, somewhat ironically...

Colon Blow Granola

$95.50 from Amazon »

Take a guess. How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of just one bowl of Colon Blow? Hint: It's not 2. It's not 3. And it's not 9. Bigger Hint: It's enough to make Phil Hartman...

Bacon Chocolate Covered Oreos & Twinkies

$14.99 from Amazon »

Oreos and Twinkies topped with bacon and then dipped in chocolate. This is what I would call the Trick-or-Treating Mother Lode. At least before wackjobs started putting needles and poison into their homemade treats for...

Hush Moonshine

According to Hush, "The moonshine business was built on confidence, loyalty and the ability to keep secrets." That's a nice way to put it. Nicer than, "The moonshine business originated as an illegal and criminal activity...

Bees Knees Spicy Honey

$14 from MixedMade »

I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the implications--the glorious, glorious implications--of what essentially amounts to the honey bear being left alone with the Sriracha rooster in a kitchen cabinet for too long....

Viveltre Gourmet Marshmallows

$5.99 - $9.99 from Viveltre »

Today's Lesson: If you're going to eat...hold on, let me count...30 jumbo marshmallows for breakfast, they may as well be jumbo marshmallows that are F'ing. Delicious. Viveltre, confectioner and administrator of my lesson...

Abashiri Blue Beer

$8.19 - $21.19 from Firebox.com »

One guess as to where Abashiri Blue Beer comes from. Hint: not Smurf Village, and not outer space. Which leaves only one other logical choice, right? Yep: Japan....

Cherkees - Real Beef Jerky Potato Chips

$5.99 - $24.99 from Snack Innovators »

Cherkees. They're not just potatoes deep fried in liquid smoke. These are straight up hybrids. Interminglings of gene pools. Culinary mutts of joy. Mr. Potato Head eating a fat T-bone steak. Cherkees entwine real potatoes...