95

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

By: on June 04, 2013
$6.12
Check It Out

Even though my distaste for cats is such that I kind of wish someone would lock all of them in a bell tower scheduled to be lit on fire, I've read a few of the entries from this I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats collection and found that it depicts the domesticated spawns of Satan exactly as I see them. So I approve of people spending money to buy it. Particularly since proceeds from the book's sale appear to go into the pocket of an enterprising man named Francesco Marciuliano, and not towards some bogus organization that rescues stray cats or does things to promote their existence.

Here's a good one:

I Lick Your Nose

I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh, you're up? Feed me

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats also includes photos of cats, so people who do like them can spaz out about how cute they are and have lengthy discussions with the rest of their cat-loving friends about what types of personalities they probably have and what hilarious things they would say as a meme and how even so, at the end of the day, the 7 cats (apiece) these people already have are way better, and these are the reasons why....

Check it out

Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

Check it out

$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

Check it out

Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

Buy Now

Delectables SqueezeUps - Go-Gurt for Cats

$15.76 - $17.99 from Amazon »

I can has creamy tuna Go-Gurt? Yes, cats of the world, thanks to Delectables SqueezeUps, you can. Fire up your tongue and mind your claws because this is how this treat session's gonna go: I hold and squeeze, you lick...

Buy Now

Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Check it out

Taxidermy Animal Drones

When I first read about, but hadn't yet seen, Copter Company's taxidermy animal drones I though they just sounded kinda goofy. Then I got a look at the Orvillecopter here. A spread-eagle taxidermied quad-cat-ter flying...

Check it out

Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

Buy Now

A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

Check it out

Cat Cool Pot Bed Pet Cooling Tray

Japan Trend Shop says the Cat Cool Pot Bed "functions as both a pet bed and as fun decoration to make your cat look cute." I thought they were going to say the dish made from "cooling aluminum" functions as both a cat...

Buy Now

Dog & Cat Temperament Leashes & Collars

$14.99 - $19.99 from Amazon »

Dexil's leashes and collars announce your dog or cat ahead of its licks and wags...or tucked tails...or snarls, hisses, claws, and teeth. The line of leads and restraints display pet temperament both by color and big...

Check it out

Oscillot Cat Containment System

On first viewing of the Oscillot video you might think installing one of the spinning paddle perimeters along the top of your fence is like building a prison for your cat. Condemning him to being that inmate who gets...

Buy Now

Adult Achievement Stickers

$8.95 from Amazon »

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...