$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

This is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of owner-gifted Fancy Feast. You will not be carrying this cat on an airplane and shoving it under the seat in front of you. What you will be doing: walking it on a leash; calling it by name...and eating your hat when it responds; playing fetch with it; and praying to God it comes litter box trained, because if a cat the size of your 6-year-old nephew whizzes in your house, the toxins and suffocating ammonia stench from that little accident is going to require you to tear down and start over.

On top of being hypoallergenic, the cat is said to have a dog's temperament (read: it will at least pretend to like you) and an 8-foot vertical jump that makes pro basketball players look like even bigger jokes than they do on their own. And all you need for this no-fail ticket to all the booty you can handle is $20,000. Hey, it's an investment. The cat--and the booty--will last a good 8 to 10 years. And after that, when the UTIs and thyroid problems, and the scary kind of ragged look all set in, well, if the shotgun was good enough for Old Yeller....

$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat Gifts