If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate, self-important, obnoxious, or otherwise turd-deserving recipients. Anonymously. Exes, evil bosses, crooked mechanics, Nancy Grace--the shit storm is brewing, and when it hits, it'll be freshly-packed and delivered deliciously ripe right to their front doors.
From cow dung to elephant excrement to a gorilla's #2 (the most human-like in both appearance and fragrance) to an extra-special shit of the month, ShitSenders.com goes above and beyond the typical inventory of bull shit, stocking a bona fide shateria of stench. All flavors are available in quart and gallon sizes, and range in price from $12.95 for a quart of moooon pies to $23.95 for a gallon of gorilla rectal rolls.
Like the most professional of psychotherapists and prostitutes, ShitSenders.com promises to keep its clientele 100% confidential. While you won't get to see the shit show unfold--and, depending on the level of humiliation it generates, may not even hear about it--you can rest assured its private audience will never tie your name to the production team. Embedded in the pile o' poo is an oozy-fonted greeting card reading, "You've been pooped on, want to know by whom? OVER." And on the flip side: "We'll never tell."
So what are ShitSenders.com users saying about the service?
"Not only was your shit some of the finest shit ever sent in the mail, but your placement of the 'wanna find out who sent this' card within the shit forces the shitted on to actually sift through the shit only to find out that you'll never tell them who sent them the shit. I just finally heard back from the shitted on friend and I almost shitted myself when I heard he dug through the shit to find out who sent him the shit." -Stan, Chicago, IL
And how about the lucky SOBs on the receiving end?
"I have received two packages of shit in the last 2 weeks. I know it's somebody in the office. So who ever is doing it the joke's over quit sending me shit." -Jeff, Downing Lake Grove, NY
On behalf of ShitSenders.com, we'd like to remind you that if you've been scorned, wronged, taken advantage of, or pranked one too many times, you have only two options: keep taking that shit, or start dishing it out.
November 2014 Update: We have received so much negative feedback from readers who have ordered this product and never received it that we are removing the link to its purchasing page and listing it as Discontinued. I guess if you truly want to give someone shit, you have to dole it out yourself.