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Cut-Resistant Kevlar Sleeves

$25.99 from Amazon »

I was surprised at how many of the reviews for cut-resistant Kevlar sleeves aren't from motorcyclists, welders, mechanics, or even landscapers, but from pet groomers, cat owners, and, uh, people who work with the elderly...

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Schmitz Mittz Super Duty UtilityArmor Gloves

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Schmitz Mittz calls their gloves "hard hats for your hands." These Super Duty versions of their UtilityArmor Waterproof line add abrasion-resistant Kevlar fourchettes* as reinforcement between the fingers (the standard...

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Freetoo Outdoor Gloves

$12.98 - $21.68 from Amazon »

Men, what can you do with Freetoo's outdoor gloves? An Amazon reviewer says, "I threw several heavy punches at a tree in my yard. And no it didn't feel good on my hand but it didn't damage it at all. If you punch someone...

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Hanskie Beer Koozie Glove

$29.99 from Amazon »

The Hanskie is just a take on (rip of?) the Skuuzi Beer Glove, with one key difference: you can still get it. Skuuzis have been sold out or discontinued on my favorite provider of Prime shipping for ages now, but at printing...

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Flashing Finger LED Gloves

$19.99 from Amazon »

These flashing finger LED gloves from Luwint can be used to get trippy at shows and raves, get in costume for stage performances, get spirited at sporting events, and get laughed off the road while riding a motorcycle....

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Knox Handroid Hand Armor Gloves

$249.95 - $269.95 from Amazon »

As if riding a motorcycle while protecting your skin from flaying off and bones from splitting in half weren't cool enough, Knox is going to make it look like you have mech hands in the process. More armor than gloves...

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Nanotips Touchscreen Tonic for Gloves

$20 from Amazon »

Frostbite-free constant contact. That's what I'm talkin' about. Though touchscreen gloves have been around for a while, Nanotips tweaks the idea of hand warmers that don't prohibit smartphone and tablet use by enabling...

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Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off

$978 from Sruli Recht »

Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling...

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Alter Ego Football Gloves

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Getting pummeled and concussed by a 350-pound defensive lineman as I fumble the team's potentially game-winning TD during the last play of the 4th quarter still might be worth it if I had a pair of Under Armour's Alter...

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$21.49 from Amazon »

When you're sittin' on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man, use your hand...or get some Shittens. Protecting ourselves from fecal matter should be a priority right up there with wearing sunscreen and planning...

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Double Handed Glove of Love

$39.59 from »

Four things to keep in mind, men, when you buy a Smitten, the double handed glove of love, for your wife or girlfriend this Valentine's Day. 1) The Smitten is a glove built for two schmoopy folks' simultaneous use. 2)...

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Skuuzi Beer Glove

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Of course I don't need a mitten-koozie hybrid so that I may drink chilled alcoholic beverages in freezing temperatures, one right after another like the gluttonous, midwestern lush that I am, without rendering my delicate...

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$12.65 from Amazon »

Finally a real need has been filled. Underpants for your hands. Great for protecting your hands while... eating chocolate and scratching your butt? Maybe these gloves should be worn under your regular gloves to protect...