103

Alter Ego Football Gloves

By: on August 19, 2013
Sold Out from
Check It Out

Getting pummeled and concussed by a 350-pound defensive lineman as I fumble the team's potentially game-winning TD during the last play of the 4th quarter still might be worth it if I had a pair of Under Armour's Alter Ego Batman gloves on my hands as solace. Then again, maybe that level of drama and resultant animosity from my peers isn't even necessary. I think I'll opt instead to make the argument that this latest release in the athletic gear giant's collaboration with DC Comics caters to football players in name only. Football gloves, you say? Nay, I reply. More like football/winter/big wheel riding/Cap'n Crunch eating/permanent fixtures on my phalanges gloves.

Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, and Captain America team up to fight butter fingers in Under Armour's line of superhero-inspired Highlight gloves. Their superpowers include:

  • Form-fitting CompFit wrist construction for joint stability.
  • Ultra-light, breathable stretch woven fabric for mobility.
  • Power-Catch technology that secures thumbs and index fingers to reduce twisting.
  • Armour GrabTack palms, fingers, and wrists--ultra-sticky for ball control. [I like how we've made "ball control" a synonym for "cheating"?]
  • Hidden pocket with easy-access button for web storage and quick release.
  • Impenetrable shield covering right palmar region.
  • Batarang compartment at wrist.
  • Built-in opponens and flexor muscles to quadruple grip strength.

Guess what. I made up those last few. Why? Because I'm an asshole.

Check it out

The TRON Light Cycle

Discontinued

Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica...

Check it out

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

Buy Now

Wolverine Style Hand Claw Dagger

Sold Out from Amazon »

What the WTF Amazon? You're in the weapons trade now? These costume-y looking hand claws have real blades of razor-sharp, 8.75-inch, 440C stainless steel, which make them exponentially and disturbingly more portentous...

Check it out

DC & Marvel Comics Suits

$169.99 - $349.99 from Fun.com Suits »

Holy Marvel of Washington DC, Batman! They made a suit out of you! As teased in a preview a couple weeks ago, Fun.com is releasing a line of men's (funny / monkey?) business suits in tribute to your favorite superheroes...

Check it out

Armored Leather Wonder Woman Costume

$875 from UD Replicas »

Why simply dress up as Wonder Woman when you can transform into Wonder Woman corseted and zipped into custom sewn leather form-molded over motorcycle grade body armor? This UD Replicas creation isn't just a costume, it's...

Check it out

She-Ra Helmet Ring

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

Where was the She-Ra Helmet Ring when I was proposing to She-Ra: Princess of Power?! It's way better than the ring I got her. Like, $30 cheaper too! I knew I should have waited 6 months....

Buy Now

Swivel Vision Athletic Training Goggles

$29.99 from Amazon »

I don't know how well Swivel Vision Athletic Training Goggles are at focusing and training athletic vision, but I do know that if the learning curve of wearing them involves getting nailed in the face with a fastball...

Check it out

Rogue From X-Men Costume

Discontinued

It's The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants' most famous defector in living, non-Anna-Paquin form! This milliskin Rogue jumpsuit is made to order in your choice of kotobukiya with green details, classic with black details, and...

Check it out

The Darth Knight

$1,500 from Ebay »

You love Batman, but you're a loyal Star Wars fanboy. Halloween is coming up and you have a difficult decision to make. Can you betray Darth Vader for your new crush on the Dark Knight? Good news. You won't have to. Mash...

Check it out

Jet Turbine Powered Batmobile

Discontinued

If you thought the TRON Lightcycle was awesome (and expensive) prepare your senses for overload as they take in this Batmobile replica. It's street registered in the US, so if you dream of trying your hand at Batman-style...

Check it out

The Secret Lives of Superheroes Prints

$20 - $50 from Society 6 »

Greg-guillemin reigns supreme: Best Paparazzo Ever. I knew Wonder Woman's rack wasn't real. But I have to say, I definitely took it for silicone over Kleenex. Her tissue-molding skills are impressive. Superheros may pick...

Check it out

Pyro Mini Fireball Shooter

$147 from Ellusionist »

Shooting fireballs from your empty hands just got a sleeker, slyer, more compact upgrade. Ellusionist, by way of magician Adam Wilber, introduced the original Pyro open-palm fireball shooter around this time last year....