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Booze

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Thursday, September 18, 2014
$8.19 - $21.19 from Firebox.com »

One guess as to where Abashiri Blue Beer comes from. Hint: not Smurf Village, and not outer space. Which leaves only one other logical choice, right? Yep: Japan....

Thursday, November 7, 2013
Sold Out from Brewmeister »

At this time last year, the World's Strongest Beer was Armageddon, a 330 mL bottle of malt, hops, a little sweetness, and an awesome 65% ABV crafted by Scottish brewery Brewmeister. This year, the World's New Strongest Beer...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013
$35 - $62.50 from Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a breathable cloud of intoxication. Instant intoxication. Calorie-free intoxication. Yes, I agree. The Vaportini is both the best and worst* culinary invention ever created....

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

According to Hush, "The moonshine business was built on confidence, loyalty and the ability to keep secrets." That's a nice way to put it. Nicer than, "The moonshine business originated as an illegal and criminal activity...

Saturday, June 21, 2014
$25.59 - $42.59 from Firebox.com »

Any a-hole can name his beer F**king Hell and profit from the scandalous use of profanity, right? But how many of those a-holes can also stake legitimate and logical claims on the words' application?...

Tuesday, August 5, 2014
$8 - $30 from Dude, Sweet Chocolate »

So many choice words surround this bottle of saucy booze. Its name, One Night Stand Potion. Its creator, Dude, Sweet Chocolate. Its ingredients, 100 anos tequila, agave, mixed origin South American chocolate, and Valrohna cocoa powder. Its speed traveling from the bottle to my esophagus, Ludicrous....

Wednesday, April 11, 2012
$16.95 from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it allows...

Sunday, September 8, 2013
By: 9mm Vodka

Who wants to be on the receiving end of a shot from a 9mm submachine gun? What if the shot came in a glass and made you feel weak-in-the-knees gooooood instead of weak-in-the-knees punctured in a vital organ? 9mm Vodka, an...

Sunday, January 6, 2013
$31.50 - $79.50 from Absinthes.com »

Sometimes it's fun to play mad scientist. Particularly when doing so involves hallucinogens. OK, so they removed the thujone component from absinthe, but still, 80% of any experience is perception, right? So if I think I'm...

Thursday, July 19, 2012
$24.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed...

Sunday, June 17, 2012
$20.69 from Amazon »

Oh, Dad. You're such a sage. A simultaneous student and master of life. Willing pawn of the golf course, declared slave to the fishing pole. A magnate at the office, a maestro on the grill. Cigar aficionado, connoisseur of...

Sunday, December 8, 2013
By: UV Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look....

Tuesday, November 19, 2013
$161.09 - $241.59 from Firebox.com »

Do you see what it says on one of the drams in the Gin Advent Calendar?! Professor Cornelius! Professor Cornelius Impleforth! I can't stop laughing! Partly due to the thought of my friend Cornelius being a professor, and partly...

Thursday, May 22, 2014
$28 from Toniiq »

This Memorial Day weekend, I will metabolize my alcohol without damaging my liver! I will take Toniiq Lingzhi capsules the morning after my nights of heavy drinking and address the underlying metabolic process that causes...

Thursday, November 1, 2012
$65 from Brewmeister »

For Brewmeister's Armageddon, the number 65 almost inconceivably corresponds to two very important attributes of the beer: its price for a 330 ml bottle; and its alcohol content. Yep, $65 for 65% ABV. Brewer Lewis Shand explains...

Saturday, March 9, 2013
$30 from Sober Up »

I sure hope my balance, mental clarity, and liver are enjoying themselves right now because my rippin' headache has yet to feel the benefits of Sober Up, the detoxification enhancer I just chugged like Kool-Aid. I know of...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012
$499.99 from Urban Mercenaries »

F nuclear codes and attacks. Booze, cards, Red Bull, cash, mints, and first aid are a real man's real tickets to power and life-altering--or at least night-altering--decisions. The briefcase. The weapons. The Football. Reinvented...

Monday, November 11, 2013
$14.99 from Amazon »

Though there are many things I can do to prevent a hangover...yeah, Mama, not over-consuming alcohol is indeed one of them...I find drinking glass after glass of water, or eating Tums at 1-hour intervals, or restricting myself...

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Real men shotgun Pinor Noir. Or maybe they'll start now anyway, since Union Wine Co. has transferred some of their Underwood Pinot Noir and Pinot Gris from pinky in the air, stick up yer ass bottles to backyard BBQ, salt of...

Thursday, April 5, 2012
$14.99 from PocketShot »

Is that a shot of tequila in your pocket, or am I just happy to see you? Pocket Shots are flexible, stand-up pouches enshrining 50 ml servings of everyone's favorite 80-proof hard liquor varietals. Long flight? Long day at...

Monday, September 3, 2012

The Ole Smoky Moonshine family has honed the art of whiskey makin' since the early days of Smoky Mountain settlement. Distilling was a way to survive during hard times, both in terms of economics and, we presume, morale. After...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012
$12.46 from Amazon »

Shots. In addition to proving (or destroying) your manhood, they are also the best way to clear out random bottles of crème de cacao, orange bitters, and Lillet Blanc from the back of your liquor cabinet. Seattle mixologist...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011
$40.19 from Firebox.com »

Twenty four cans of Homer's favorite pastime will have you snoring in your La-Z-Boy before midnight. These aren't just cans that say Duff Beer on them with soda inside either. They have actual alcohol in them. German lager...

Monday, July 9, 2012
$85 - $450 from Etsy »

Rejoice ye liquor-sipping non-smokers who thought the Octopus Pipes we featured last month would be cool, if only you inhaled. Kraken Flasks are here to evoke equal reverence from those who enjoy a fine swig of Scotch or nip...

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Now that flavored vodkas have started to peak in trendiness--I saw Cilantro over the weekend--and most states are prohibiting smoking inside public places, it's only natural that some enterprising company would bring Tobacco...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

For those who believe Oregon is just full of bike-ridin', tree-huggin', farmer's-market-shoppin', paradoxically-Nike-wearin' liberal geeks...well, maybe you're mostly right, but Oregonians also have some pretty wicked creativity...

Friday, November 2, 2012
$241.12 from Master of Malt »

The holidays. A season of (incredibly long and growing longer) buildup. Of personal reflection. Of getting comprehensively sloshed and drowning the sorrows generated by such a long flippin' buildup and the unhappy outcome...

Friday, December 7, 2012
$39.95 from Homemade Gin »

Mommy, where does gin come from? Vodka, Bobby. Gin comes from vodka. At least if it's homemade. Shunning expensive, and possibly illegal, distilling equipment, the Homemade Gin Kit allows those who possess it to create intoxicatingly...

Friday, February 3, 2012
$6.90 from Amazon »

Red Solo cup, I fill you up. And am way less likely to drop you in someone's lap now that you are made of foam instead of cheap plastic that accrues grip-compromising condensation like Lindsay Lohan accrues pardons for criminal...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012
$15.99 from GoKeyless »

All those times I bring a bottle of vodka to work for lunch and some d-bag from HR sneaks into the freezer and takes a few swigs like I'm not going to notice? Gone. And, at $15.99, the Liquor Lock is way cheaper than nailing...

Friday, May 3, 2013
$13 from Mama Walker »

Mama said WHAT? Mama said 2 parts Maple Bacon to 1 part Jameson for a breakfast of champions. Mama Walker's Breakfast Liqueurs cater to legit drinkers, legit breakfast lovers, and old people with no teeth who must follow a...

Monday, June 11, 2012

According to The Map of United States Breweries, Americans have over seven square feet of wall-coverin' love for beer. In fact, I think the nickname "America's Favorite Pastime" was given to baseball, a sport during which...

Saturday, April 21, 2012
$19.95 from Dogfish Head Ales »

In 2010, Dogfish Head Craft Brewed Ales debuted a large format beer infuser, called Randall in honor of every fifth redneck you meet, to great acclaim. It allows beer maestros to pimp out their brews with pretty much any flavor...

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Like most people, the frequency of my hiking and camping excursions would increase exponentially if only I could incorporate more carbonation into the endeavors. What's that you say? Come September 2012 Pat's Backcountry Beverages...

Wednesday, April 10, 2013
$6.99 - $12.99 from Lip Chaser »

Don't be too disappointed that Lip Chaser shot follow-ups contain no alcohol. Your shot will still have plenty of it, and Lip Chasers replace the booze with something much, much better: making out. An edible coating applied...

Monday, May 14, 2012
$14.99 from Stacked Wines »

Stacked pre-filled wine glasses not only enable wine consumption anytime, anywhere, they pretty much eliminate any excuse one may have had not to. Sophisticated oenophiles and thirsty winos alike will delight in the pop! of...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012
$39.99 from GetWineOnline.com »

Medea Vodka is proof (80 proof, to be more specific) once again that what's on the inside really doesn't count. Because even if the liquor's crap, who doesn't want a vodka bottle with a programmable, running LED marquee to...

Friday, May 31, 2013
$24.99 from Vinport »

Fancy Patrick Stewart is going to love sipping these brand new Star Trek wines from his Riedel stemware with a wedge of Brie and some dried figs, but I bet Shatner will just chug 'em straight out of the bottle alongside a...

Thursday, March 14, 2013
$6.49 - $87.99 from Half Time »

Ruckus Brewing's Hoptimus Prime enjoys a wicked twist of irony: instead of transforming those who drink it into sage and powerful leaders of an elite race of impenetrable robots, at 9.0% ABV the double IPA reduces them to...

Sunday, June 24, 2012
$2.44 from Amazon »

Collapsible shot glass on a key ring. I think my grandma had one of these. She used to put water from the drinking fountain in it for me when I was still too short to reach the spout. No wonder I've always found the scent...

Friday, May 4, 2012
$11.60 from Amazon »

Sure, I'm on the receiving end of a knuckle sandwich...again...but at least at the fist of The Beast I can wash it down with an ice cold Bud Light Lime. What? BLL is why I keep getting sucker punched in the first place? Dude...

Wednesday, July 4, 2012
$13.08 from Amazon »

And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air. Cue music. Cue fireworks. And cue bottoms up. This set of two Bombs Away shot glasses arms liquor shooters with the makings of an explosively good time. Just don't overdo...

Friday, December 9, 2011
$80 from Thrillist »

Drawing a profound visual parallel between alcohol and weaponry, this ammo case of wine of is slick, sexy, and loaded with 3 liters of artisanal heat, but is likely to cause death and destruction if it falls into the wrong...

Thursday, June 7, 2012
$14.95 from Amazon »

One fun thing to do while drinking is engage in games of low to moderate skill and athleticism. Likewise, one fun thing to do while engaging in such games is drink. Scorzie, then, is an obvious proponent of fun. A beer koozie-scoreboard...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012
$24.99 from Amazon »

The lesson here is when a racehorse never drinks water and always drinks wine, he doesn't win races, he becomes an alcoholic. And while manufacturer Rivers Edge would have us think we're doing track retiree Stewball a favor...

Sunday, July 15, 2012
$8.02 from Amazon »

I guess the novelty well of Handerpants has begun to run dry, so from the cratered depths of their derrieres, its makers have pulled out another way to capitalize on the kitschiness and comic relief of placing underwear on...

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