Design

Chameleon Tape Measure

$79 Amazon »

Before I tell you about the delightful and whimsical Chameleon Tape Measure from Coppertist.Wu, let me tell you an almost unbelievable nugget of information about the chameleon, and namely the chameleon's tongue, the...

Penis Body Pillow

$162 Etsy »

This Penis Body Pillow from Crochet Moore Co. is essentially a boyfriend pillow for people who don't necessarily bemoan not having the strong arm and cozy chest of a boyfriend, but do regret the absence of a boyfriend's...

Micro Crochet Animals

$20.25 - $40.50 Etsy »

Lookee, lookee at the itty bitty crochet sloth. The teeny tiny crochet elephant. The weeeee little crochet penguin. The...I can't. I have to stop. All these Micro Crochet Animals, these things that make you go awww, are...

Dad You're The Schitt Father's Day Card

$6.99 Amazon »

Happy Father's Day from Johnny Rose. This Schitt's Creek greeting card won't just tell Dad he's simply the best, but that he's the Schitt. A great choice for you children who are equal parts loving, snarky, and fans of...

Crochet Penis Blanket

$120 Etsy »

Cozy up next to the fire pit with a warm, cuddly...cock & balls?! This Crochet Penis Blanket from Naughty Mature Gifts will make you snug as a bug in a...er...opposite of rug on cool summer evenings and Netflix & chill...

Blockbuster Video Credit Card Skin

$6 Etsy »

"Wow! What a Difference! Blockbuster Video...Credit Card Skin. No, really. This cover for your Visa, AmEx, or debit card isn't just a bit of nostalgia and nerdery for 80s and 90s kids who refuse to let Blockbuster - or...

Sword House Key

$6.49 Amazon »

It's about time I had a Sword House Key, given the number of sword fights with locks I've had in my life. In fact, just two weeks ago I was testing out the lock and key on my new nightstand - yep the top drawer came with...

Butts on Things Stickers, Pins & Artwork

$4.50 - $20 Etsy »

What's up, Taco Butt? Hey there, TARDASSSS! Yo, yo, I see you've got S'more junk in the trunk. No insult and no judgement with my comments, just a sheer appreciation for your Butts on Things sticker, pin, and artwork...

Bexar Goods Leather-Wrapped NES Console

And you thought an NES console couldn't get any sexier. Bexar Goods has taken tech skins to luscious leather levels, wrapping a classic Nintendo Entertainment System in premium buck brown harness leather from Wickett...

RethinkTANK City Manhole Cover Coasters & Trivets

$22 - $32 RethinkTANK »

Despite covering things that aren't so pretty, a city's manhole covers are often imprinted with cool, intricate, and sometimes downright stunning designs. RethinkTANK's Under Cover Series showcases these doors to the...

Dirty Pop Adult Pop Up Greeting Cards (NSFW)

$12.99 Dirty Pop »

Hey, look at that. Dick and Titsy are about to pop up out of their...greeting cards? In what is surely the best use of the term since the days of *NSYNC, Dirty Pop has beat off and busted out a set of penis and boobies...

Lovepop The Beatles Pop-Up Cards

$15 - $18 Amazon »

Lovepop makes greeting cards they think your recipients will love to see pop up when they open them. With Father's Day getting ready to pop up itself, you can show you love Pop by including one of Lovepop's The Beatles...

The Not Hot Blanket

If the eyes are a window to the soul, then the Not Hot Blanket is a window...for that one damn leg that needs some fresh air. Just a little pop-out from under the covers so you don't wake up from a sweet dream about Charlize...

The Dad Mask

The Dad Mask is laced up and ready to shield against viruses, filter out allergens and dust particles, thwart lawnmower fumes, stave off grill smoke, absorb all grass stains, and enshroud the mug of the man, the myth...

Racist BS Cat Cover-Up Stickers

$1.50 - $8.63 Cracks Appearing Distro »

It's a cat cover-up! No, not a cover-up orchestrated by cats, say, to hide all that toilet paper they just shredded as you tried to hoard it amidst the coronavirus outbreak. A cover-up in sticker form, one that pairs...

Valentine's Day Surprise Scratch-Off Card

$5 Etsy »

This Valentine's Day Surprise scratch-off card gives me pause. Normally I consider receiving a greeting card the equivalent of receiving a fancy piece of trash, since that's where it's going to end up a day or two later...

Deejo Tattoo Knives

$44.90 - $79.90 Amazon »

According to the folding knife's bladesmiths, "To tattoo the Deejo as we mark our skin is to give another dimension, a true identity, to this personal possession." Deejo Tattoo Knives are the product of a fine engraving...

Sassy Celebs Holiday Gift Tags

$6.50 Amazon »

Sassy Celebs Holiday Gift Tags enable those of you who can't gift your favorite (or least favorite) people Kim K., Kanye, the cast of Friends, Will Ferrell, Drake, et. al. in the flesh this holiday season to at least...

Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha Scented Wrappin' Paper

All I have to say is anyone wrapping my Christmas gift in Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha Scented Wrappin' Paper better also have a Dunkin' Peppermint Mocha waiting for me nearby. Talk about some bittersweet gift wrap! Sweet...

The World Giant Coloring Poster

$11.38 Amazon »

Wrap it up as a gift for your kids, and hope this World Giant Coloring Poster is giant enough that their crayons, markers, and colored pencils will stay within the sheet's borders, if not within the lines. At 45.3" long...

Personalized Carved 35" Rawlings Baseball Bat

$149.95 Etsy »

With these hand-carved personalized baseball bats, you can make damn sure anyone trying to break into your house knows it was Darryl - or Michael, or Cornelius, or Jennifer - who whacked him upside the head...

War Bowl

Wow, this War Bowl looks sharp in more ways than one. And the next time you need to stick 'em with the pointy end and Needle is nowhere to be found, a War Bowl to the face seems like it would be a pretty good alternative...

Do Not Draw a Penis Tea Towel

What happens when you launch an online, AI-interactive doodle program called Do Not Draw a Penis? Yessir. You get yourself over 10,000 doodles of penises. Five thousand of which you consolidate onto these lovely red and...

Neko Cup Cat Mold - Put a Cat on It

Use a Neko Cup cat mold to build yourself a whole beach of sand CATsles. Maybe a nice Raspberry Ragdoll-O Salad. Or just use Morii Yuka's cute kitty molds as sculptures, beige, black, or white pieces of home decor that...