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Razer Diamondback Collector's Edition Gaming Mouse

$59.99 from Razer »

They say shortly after the OG Razer Diamondback debuted, at the 2004 World Cyber Games, it became a legend. A gaming mouse legend! And one of the best selling mice out there. If that's worth an eyeball and some wrist...

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Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)

$99.99 from Amazon »

Private Gym helps you work out the one body part HIIT, spin class, boot camp, and personal trainers all neglect. (Well. Unless you have a really good, really, hands-on, really hot personal trainer.) This 8-week strength...

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Aroma 3-in-1 Grillet

$26.95 - $29.99 from Amazon »

The Aroma 3-in-1 Grillet has a pretty low price, a pretty decent number of skills, and pretty high marks from reviewers. It's also a pretty safe gift to give this year because it's completely inoffensive, doesn't require...

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Makeblock Codeybot

$169.99 from Amazon »

Codeybot brings some STEM education to kids whose eyes and fingers crave tablets and touch screens. The rolling robot will be their interactive buddy, their entertainer, or their solider in battle...as long as they program...

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Germophobe's Silverware

$114.37 from Amazon »

If the thought of the 5 second rule--or of my policy of eating anything off the floor that still looks tasty regardless of how long it's been there--makes you gag up a little bit of your undigested lunch, then have I...

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Thread Etiquette Watches & Accessories

$15 - $115 from Thread Etiquette »

Thread Etiquette thrives on creating time that's timeless and accessories accessible to everyone. They design their watches and bracelets to reflect a minimalist aesthetic, and using high quality leather, canvas, crystal...

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Be Good / Stay Evil Decision Coin

$15 from Amazon »

Santa, I swear, it's this coin's fault I've been naughty all year. Every time I flipped it the fates told me to "Stay Evil." Yeah, I know it's almost statistically impossible to get the "Stay Evil" side up repeatedly...

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Aerating Stemless Wine Glass Set

$85.41 from Amazon »

I can't taste one bud of difference between a wine I've aerated and one I've drunk straight from the bottle, but I do like a good show. And that, as much as anything, is what I think these Aerating Stemless Wine Glasses...

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Kotatsu Heated Table

Sold Out from Amazon »

Do you have to be a girl to want one of these super-cozy-looking Japanese Kotatsu? Do you have to be a girl to use the term "super-cozy-looking?" Oh well then. Call me a big ol' girl and send me a big ol' heated blanket...

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Grav Cup Bubbler

$99.99 from Grav »

One Pineapple Express Slushie to go, please. Grav Labs' Grav Cup Bubbler will probably be the most expensive slushie cup you ever purchase, but I'm willing to bet the types of repeated good vibes it delivers will far...

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The Voynich Manuscript

$30.95 from Amazon »

Maybe the only thing stranger than the Codex Seriphinianus is the codex that inspired the Codex Seriphinianus: The "Voynich Manuscript." Still a mystery 600 years after an unknown author penned it, the original codex...

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Dummy Placeholder Batteries

$8.99 from Amazon »

Looking to mod your Nerf gun with some lithium-ion muscle? Or maybe just use a single, more powerful rechargeable battery in a device than normally runs on a pair of alkaline AAs? Dummy Batteries mimic the cylindrical...

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ButcherBox Premium Meat Delivery

$79 - $129 from ButcherBox »

When the doorbell rings, and you open it and find an insulated crate on the porch, and you lift off that crate's lid and you start pulling out slabs of bacon, pounds of ground beef, a package of sirloin tips, 4 steaks...

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Bears vs. Babies Monster-Building Card Game

$25 - $35 from Kickstarter »

The people who rattled our game nights with Exploding Kittens think we're up for a new challenge: an army of evil and grotesque babies. Bears vs. Babies is another ridiculous card game filled with implausible (but not...

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Onegee Bungee Adjustable Bungee Cord

$14.99 - $16.99 from Amazon »

Onegee Bungee to rule them all. Really. According to the makers of this adjustable bungee system, without the restrictions of a set length and stretch you'll find thousands of applications for the cords and their slide-and-lock...

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TrapTap Wireless Speed Trap Indicator

$149 from TrapTap »

The TrapTap could be a lifesaver. For schoolchildren. For your driving record. And mostly, for your wallet. This simple little button sticks onto your vehicle's dash and flashes red, blue, or green to warn you of speed...

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Gerber Center-Drive Multi-Tool

$89.97 from Amazon »

Gerber's new Center-Drive Multi-Tool is going to be the Zyllion shiatsu massage pillow of the 2016 holiday season. That is, the gift you unwrap and think, Hey, cool, thankee, Mama! and then you use it once and think...

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Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

Sold Out from Amazon »

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended...

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Water To Wine Jesus Drink Markers

$9.88 from Amazon »

It's hard to look at these drink glass markers and not keeping coming back to some variation on the idea of hangin' with Jesus at your next party. But that sort of comment is in very poor taste, and if I'm anything I'm...

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iLuun Air Wireless USB 3.0 Flash Drive

$59 - $149 from iLuun »

I don't know what I stuff fuller, my face or my phone. I need 4 stomachs like a cow. And 128GB of instant iPhone and Android wireless data storage like an iLuun Air....

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Wahl Pro Lithium Cordless Hair Clipper

$179 from Amazon »

Treat yo'self to a professional buzz, or at least F up your hair using the exact same clippers the pros do with Wahl's Sterling Li Pro Cordless Clipper. Intended for professional use only, but available to anyone with...

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Silent Pocket Privacy Protection Cases

$11.95 - $199.95 from Amazon »

There's alone time from your girlfriend. Peace and quite from your house full of kids. Solitude from the chaos and cacophony of daily life. But with all the unseeable signals encircling, identifying, tracking, and scanning...

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Think Ink Fidget Pen

$40 from Think Ink Pen »

The Think Ink Pen bends, spins, flips, dismembers and puts itself back together again, and...you don't even want to know what happens when you pull its finger. An entertainer through and through, this pen isn't so much...

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ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

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Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

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Hubsan X4 H107C Quadcopter

$59.99 from Amazon »

I heard the reindeer are getting sloppy and unruly, so Santa is trading in magic for tech this year. His sleigh will be both filled with and powered by drones. I don't know if Tekstra is getting in on the flying action--their...

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Toferner Throwing Axe

Sold Out from Amazon »

I guess one good thing about chucking Toferner's Throwing Axe is so many of its sides are sharp and pointy that even if you're an inexperienced marksman with poor aim you'll still have a pretty good chance of making it...

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Microwaveable Slippers

$23.03 from Amazon »

Slippers. The most no-fail gift ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially...

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FireDisc Carbon Steel Grill

$313.18 - $374.66 from Amazon »

"We challenge each customer to put this grill to the test as the most rugged, best designed, quality tasting and cooking grill you can buy." Well. No one can say there's a lack of confidence in Katy, TX, home of the FireDisc...

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CRKT Synergist Fixed Blade Knife

$39.99 from CRKT »

Folding knives is like folding clothes: some, like T-shirts, are better compacted and tucked away for casual use, while others, like button-ups, need to hang free and ready to grab when your girlfriend springs a last-minute...

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ViperSwiper Side Window Wiper

$19.99 from ViperSwiper »

Your car comes ready to sssswipe the rain and fog off your front windshield, game to sssswipe it off the back, but what about the vissssibility and blind sssspots at your ssssides? ViperSwipers are poly-rubber strip side...

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Atlas Obscura

$20.41 from Amazon »

Atlas Obscura has a glowing endorsement from Neil Gaiman on its front cover, which can only mean this Explorer's Guide to the World's Hidden Wonders is my Door to London Below. Or maybe <a rel="nofollow" target="_blank"...

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Gripforce Retractable Cleat Ice Boots

$299 from Gripforce »

Where were Gripforce's retractable spike boots when I was taking the banana peel challenge?! The Swedish-designed "Intelligent Winter Boot" intends to stamp out 2 widespread problems with cold weather footwear: 1) slipperiness;...

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Detroit Grooming .50 Caliber Razor

With Movember now in full swing, Detroit Grooming Co. would like to make sure participants have a razor with enough fire power to keep all square footage of your face that isn't draped with a fine mustache area rug follicle-free....

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Birdie GoPro Camera Launcher

$59 from Amazon »

I hope you got good aim because Birdie is about to take your selfies from point-and-shoot to toss-and-see-WTF-happens. Snap your GoPro HERO 3+, 4, or 5 inside its arcing white cage and launch the Birdie into the air to...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

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Luminoodle LED TV Backlight

$19.99 from Amazon »

If you've been using your noodle you've probably learned how valuable a bendy rope of lights can be. And now your flexible, adaptable, bright-burning noodle has a new form with yet another application: TV backlighting....

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Poo-Pourri Master Crapsman Gift Set

$17.95 from Amazon »

Poo-Pourri, the spritz-before-you-shitz toilet spray, has put together several stench-fighting 2-packs ripe for the giving spirit of the holiday season. Since most of us around here are both dudes and fans of Punderdome...

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The Survival Medicine Handbook

$37.79 from Amazon »

I can't predict what's going to happen on Election Day 2016, but my search for answers led me to this: The Survival Medicine Handbook, a self-described "essential guide for when medical help is NOT on the way." Kind of...

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How to Be a Magician

$29 - $79 from Ellusionist »

Ellusionist Disclaimer: the How to Be a Magician DVD set and box o' trick-amping props is "not guaranteed to get you phone numbers." I'll add a wink, wink to that. Come on. Who doesn't want to chill with the magician?...

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Fin Finger Vibrator (NSFW)

$60 from Dame Products »

While we've seen sexy fun time items such as PLAISIR des SENS warming lube running crowdfunding campaigns on IndieGoGo, the Fin marks the very first campaign of such a blatant naughty nature to seek pledges from you and...

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Antec Nano Diamond Thermal Compound

$11.45 from Amazon »

Need an ice cold beer for your CPU? I myself don't have much need to minimize the distance between heat-conducive compounds using Antec's Nano Diamond Thermal Compound Formula 7 because I'm not a tech or a maker or a...

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Color Muse for DIY Paint Match

$59 from Amazon »

The only thing less fun than painting your living room walls purple--sorry, eggplant--is having your girlfriend decide after all the paint is applied, and dried, and you're moving your couch back in front of the TV, that...

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Nobody Likes a Cockblock

$12.16 from Amazon »

Are you a parent? Then I'm sure you'll agree your precious children have taught you at least as much, and most likely far more, than you've ever taught them. Such as deep, unconditional love. Patience. Awe and wonder....

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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LighterBro Stealth

$11.99 from LighterBro »

Not many multi-tools have built-in lighters, so I guess LighterBro figured they'd build a multi-tool around one. The LighterBro Stealth is a jet black lighter sleeve made of Japanese 420 stainless steel, and outfitted...

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Nerf Mega Mastodon

$71.99 from Amazon »

You could wait for Black Friday. Orrrr, you could make today Red & Orange with Accents of White & Black Friday, and get the Nerf N-Strike Mega Mastodon a solid 6 weeks early so you'll have time to test it out yourself...make...

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The Whisk Wiper

$23 from Whisk Wiper »

What is this whiskcraft I see before me? You mean worming my tongue between the wire loops and getting chocolate cake batter all over my face isn't the best way to clean off the whisk when my girlfriend is baking? Nah....