A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Monday, September 30, 2013
$75.95 from Amazon »

Being able to ride au naturel beneath a fuzzy fleece Chewbacca bathrobe is quite possibly the only upshot to summer's ending and the agony of shit cold, rain, and darkness kicking off my foreseeable future. How snug and content...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
$35k from Prima Cinema »

Because I can't afford to pay $15, much less $500, to see a movie on the day it comes out in theaters, I'll still get my in-home new releases from bootleggers and watch Django Unchained between the heads of people who did...

Sunday, April 15, 2012
$70 from Kudu Magnets »

Dressing up kids and pets is so passe. The new canvases of self-expression are appliances. And the most decadent of appliance haute couture is Kudu's magnetic fridge skins--panels that adhere to refrigerators' full facades, transforming the ugly acrylic ducklings into sleek, majestic swans more representative of our own passions and artistic tastes. Even better, as those passions and tastes change--or...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014
$44.99 from ThinkGeek »

Doctor Who's time-traveling spacecraft TARDIS has a new assignment: hold your soaps, shampoos, razors, and other grooming gear so they don't litter up or fall off the ledges of your shower. Despite the looks of it, the TARDIS...

Friday, February 21, 2014
$99.95 from DropLED »

To confirm the accuracy of its name, someone subjected the DropLED Pro Harsh Duty Bulb to a few tests. 300 direct hits to a cinder block. Crushing under a forklift. Placing against the interior side of Drax the Destroyer's...

Saturday, November 17, 2012
$9.82 - $23.95 from Amazon »

Ladies, if Griz Coats are too big, too masculine, or too covering of the neck down for you (read: for me), how about one of these minxy little animal hoodies? Most of them even extend along the shoulders into a cozy pair of mittens to keep you extra super warm when the temperature drops below 54 degrees and you inevitably start shivering and lamenting that you're cold. Why are girls always so cold?...

Monday, June 24, 2013
$295 - $1,689 from Twinkind »

A miniature exact replica of mine own self, scanned and 3D printed to order? Hmmm. How about a gargantuan, like 10:1, 3D-printed twin that I can fill with air as I would a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon and float around...

Wednesday, May 8, 2013
$8.99 from Amazon »

If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without...

Monday, February 3, 2014
$78.95 from Amazon »

Great. I always tell my mama that as soon as someone makes it so I can just wave a magic wand to get the job done I'll gladly help her clean the house. I never thought a magic wand that cleans the house was a legitimate possibility....

Wednesday, August 22, 2012
$39.99 from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as Peyton...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Sunday, August 11, 2013
$179.95 from CrossBell »

Often when I struggle to empty a cooler of mostly-melted ice, or lift a fat jug to my lips for a refreshing drink, or dump the vat of Gatorade on my friend Cornelius' head after he scores point 10 in Settlers of Catan, I think...

Wednesday, July 11, 2012
$599 from Aquarius PC »

Suck it, fishes! Thanks to AquariusPC, computers no longer have to gaze covetously at aquatic life, seething in envy over the cool, bubbly, pebble-smattered digs they thought they could never own. The Italian company has devised...

Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Sold Out from Etsy »

Han Solo. You mack. The only lady I could get away with saying, "I know" in response to "I love you" to is my mama. I actually have proof of this in the form of the one other time I tried it on the one other lady who ever...

Saturday, February 2, 2013
$7.16 from Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Monday, September 16, 2013
$16.42 from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants and...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012
$325 from Etsy »

What's better than an inked Felicia Hardy prancing around, getting limber on your pages of The Amazing Spider-Man as the Black Cat? A real live girl (or boy--we aim to please all orientations) prancing around, getting limber...

Saturday, September 7, 2013
$42.95 - $149.95 from Onnit »

On the list of things that would really suck: 1) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 72-pound kettlebell with an incensed gorilla face carved into it; 2) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 500-pound incensed...

Saturday, July 27, 2013
$26.11 from mzube »

Now kitchen countertops can look like a bloody mess whether you've cut yourself or used them to butcher a half side of beef or not. Great for Halloween, great for an otherwise ho-hum Monday night, great for getting a rise...

Thursday, February 20, 2014
$119.99 from Amazon »

I've been looking for an oven I can carry around like a ladies' purse. And this one looks like the contraption my grandma used to use to get a suntan, so it even has some nostalgia built into it. Sunflair's portable solar...

Monday, November 5, 2012
$120k - $170k from Legacy Power Wagon »

The Legacy Power Wagon. As the name suggests, it isn't new, but with only a handful crafted per year--by artisan auto mechanics at Legacy Classic Trucks in Jackson Hole, Wyoming--it remains one of the truck world's most coveted...

Thursday, September 26, 2013
$9.50 from Amazon »

They call it hot ice because sodium acetate is extremely unstable (probably moody and demanding too) and begins hardening immediately as it drops below its melting point of 58.4 to 58 degrees C (about 136.5 to 137 degrees...

Thursday, December 5, 2013
$1.99 from Amazon »

Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. From stocking to cookie, and from cookie to belly, my friend. The Dipr solves the age-old calamity of sandwich cookies lost to murky emulsions of fat and protein. Oreos doing the backstroke...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

when preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse the present has no rival in terms of when to prepare. Look people, they're coming. And if you wanna survive, you're gonna need some ammo capable of killing zombies. Thankfully...

Saturday, May 25, 2013
$19.99 - $39.99 from Tek Recon »

It seems to me that the favorite pastime of kids today is sitting on the couch watching TV shows with adult content and playing video games. And when you make them get off the couch and go outside, they partake in their second...

Monday, November 4, 2013
$59.99 from ThinkGeek »

They may be only moderately reminiscent of the uniforms Picard & Co. wore in Star Trek: The Next Generation, but definitely these hoodies will be more comfortable, breathable, and sported acceptably by all shapes and sizes...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014
$5.68 from Amazon »

Oh hello Cthulhu. I almost didn't see you there before I turned on my flashlight. Well, technically LED underwater torch. TOMTOP made it 100% waterproof and effective at illuminating up to 25 meters of ocean pathway. It weighs...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011
By: Flickr

If you can't afford the $55k price tag on the real TRON Light Cycle there's always this. And it's not a bad consolation prize. Are LEGOS the hippest toy around or what?...

Friday, October 5, 2012
$14,900 from Hot Tug »

Why thank you, Dutch peoples. I think I would like a wood-fired hot tub in which I can sail, and a tugboat in which I can enjoy warm baths. HotTug is a wood-hulled boat fitted with fiberglass reinforced polyester and a stainless...

Saturday, September 21, 2013
$119.93 - $149.95 from Amazon »

When I was 8 or so my family got one of those tactile floor lamps for the living room. Touch it once to light it, twice to make it brighter, thrice to illuminate all, and four times to return the world to darkness. It was...

Tuesday, July 31, 2012
$2,250 from PowerDive »

Many of us dig communing with corals and fishes and hot merpeople lookin' for a good time 40 feet beneath the ocean's surface, but suited up SCUBA-style in bulky BC vests and heavy oxygen tanks sort of encumbers the experience....

Saturday, October 12, 2013
$1,850 from Etsy »

Here's a snicker-worthy case of accidental black humor. Officially titled the Up North Fire Pit, this hand-cut steel sphere drew its inspiration from the majestical scenes and wildlife of Minnesota's north woods. And probably...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012
$99 from Yellow Jacket »

In an act of retaliation against its relegation to the uncomfortably jarring vibrate setting, the iPhone has summoned the Yellow Jacket, and plans to return the favor. In the form of a body-rocking 650,000 volts. The Yellow...

Thursday, August 1, 2013
$399.99 from NOCQUA »

I bet slumbering sea life are gonna love getting a shot of over 1,000 lumens of light in the eye post nightfall. Seriously. It will help the ones who need to get up and take a leak find the bathroom. As for the rest, eh, fish...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A great way to settle arguments between siblings, the MMA throwdown bed gives parents the option to let their children battle to the death before night night time. No biting or hair pulling please....

Friday, September 7, 2012

If you're looking for a hitman, sorry, this collection of machine guns is made of glass. But if you're looking for a hit, man welcome to the bong-themed weapons trade. Or would it be the weapons-themed bong trade? Either way...

Friday, September 27, 2013
$69.50 from Garrett Wade »

The Yankee Push Drill does not plug into the wall, which means its successful use is dependent entirely upon the well-oiled machine that is its handler's body. I bet my right arm and shoulder would be sore for 3 days if I...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$116 - $158 from Crocosaurus Cove »

I like to flirt with death every now and again. Provided death does its return eye bats and tooth flashes from the other side of an impenetrable fiberglass cage, anyway. Crocosaurus Cove Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012
$125 from Rogue Fitness »

SISU! is the Finnish word for stubborn determination, and an appropriate moniker for a 28-pound War Hammer that has a predominantly fitness-based application, but could also wallop the ever loving Fuck You out of the Delorean...

Friday, August 26, 2011
$0.01 from Amazon »

It looks like the powers that be, in a clandestine effort to identify all of the easily manipulated minds in the country, have incorporated a shell company to produce a bracelet which claims that just by wearing it, your body...

Monday, January 20, 2014
$11.84 from Amazon »

These are just the facts, dudes. Clinical reporting with complete objectivity. Nothing about how Smirnoff Whipped Cream vodka in a Shot Gun is a terrific way to break the ice with the ladies at a party. Nothing about the magnitude...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013
$85 from Hammerhead »

Shark Week loyalists already know that the hammerhead group boasts enhanced sensory receptors and maneuvering skills. Plus, its butt ugly face, which looks to have been on the receiving end of a Bugs Bunny self-defense effort...

Wednesday, December 4, 2013
$32.79 from Firebox.com »

I know grizzly bears are meant to connote fortitude, ferocity, and...bigness...in a reverential way, but, uh, I'm pretty sure these grizzly bear underwear are intended only for dudes who don't want blowjobs. They could also...

Monday, August 5, 2013
$220 from Hand-Eye Supply »

At first I wasn't sure why this Nata Hatchet costs so much, but then I read the item description on Hand-Eye Supply's listing and noticed it begins with "Behold." As in, "Behold, the mighty Bridgetown Forge x Hand-Eye Supply...

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Thursday, November 21, 2013
$26 from Shapeways »

A bird in the hand is worth...nowhere near as much to me as a shot of Fireball in the hand. Birds are dirty and carry avian flu and salmonella. Even some of the cooked ones. Ahem, chicken. But hands. Hands are the poster child...

Sunday, January 26, 2014
$59.99 from Amazon »

Double up on the fish & chips and nuggets with fries, or cook one big vat of extra crispy fried chicken with Secura's triple-basket deep fryer. The electric countertop model contains a 1700-watt immersion element said to preheat...

Monday, December 10, 2012
$125 - $179 from Amazon »

A less expensive alternative to the Crypteks USB Drive, the Apricorn Aegis Secure Key Flash Drive boasts military grade full-disk AES 256-bit CBC hardware encryption, further protected by a 7- to 15-digit PIN-activated alphanumeric...

Thursday, January 9, 2014
$125 - $1,699 from Kult »

Luke was never the apple of his daddy's eye, but thanks to fine artist Christian Waggoner, he will forevermore be the reflection in Vader's mask....

Tuesday, February 11, 2014
$245 from Etsy »

Stereotypes collide in this brainy game meets brawny hardware Tool Chess set. Each piece has been handcrafted from real nuts and bolts, plus additional steel flourishes to distinguish powder coated black and white pawns, knights...

Wednesday, January 29, 2014
$22.50 - $30 from Etsy »

Jeff Hornung of The Walnut Log handcrafts all of his works from fine and unique woods. In the case of our featured pen series, he incorporates some fine and unique objects as well: bullets. What normally fire out of barrels...

Saturday, November 30, 2013
$10.99 from Amazon »

Grow Glow Snow! It's not a request, it's an order, son! Get a bowl! Get some water! Watch it expand to 100 times its starting size, just like a diaper that's been pissed in*! And, if you're a real man, turn off the lights...

Sunday, June 16, 2013
$1,425 from Composite Effects »

White Walkers are creepy, dude. Creepy enough that I think I'd rather look like one than at one. But I'd most rather look like Khal Drogo because then all men would still be scared of me, and all ladies would quiver in my...

Thursday, August 8, 2013
$65 - $680 from Soylent »

Nary a week goes by that I don't hear about how my friend DeAndre just wishes they made a dog food for humans. Something containing all necessary nutrients, adequate calories, and appropriate protein:carb:fat ratios that requires...

Thursday, February 6, 2014
$800 from Etsy »

Talk about tying a room together. Etsy shop owner Allie, self-described hoarder and clearcut winner of Best Latch-Hooker on Earth*, spent over 220 hours immortalizing The Dude in dream sequence rug form. Urinate on this heart-stopping...

Friday, December 27, 2013
$89.99 from Quirky »

Modular. It's going to take tactical to the octagon for the title of Most Profitable Buzzword. Modular cell phones, modular pens, and now a modular pocket knife. Quirky Inventor James Robinson's Swift is Swiss Army gone piecemeal....

Thursday, March 6, 2014
$4.99 from Amazon »

I am the grandaddy master of the universe at separating eggs. If I do say so myself. I spent several hours learning how to perform this act of culinary prowess in 5th grade and...it's like riding a bike. I've never looked...

Thursday, January 30, 2014
$12.19 from Amazon »

I kept searching for more at the end of the Guys Can Be Cat Ladies Too book title. Some ellipses leading into a second line of ...if They Want to Die Alone on the Couch with the A-holes, Who Will Then Eat Their Owners' Raw...

Friday, October 11, 2013
$112.95 from Amazon »

Hot Wheels aren't exactly cost-prohibitive so I'll still probably just buy a few when I get a hankering to dick around with toy cars at work, but for the kiddos and handy Daddy-Os out there who dig doing things themselves...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
Discontinued

Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes them...

Friday, March 29, 2013
$422.80 from Amazon »

A tent that sets up in 15 seconds by way of human lung power and compacts to a size small enough to stuff into a water bottle when not in use. What egghead thought of this? Whomever you are, how's about heading over to my...

Saturday, November 16, 2013
$19.95 from Amazon »

Everyone knows that pigs don't sweat. But if they did, they would smell like Power Bacon. And now too so can you. Just be sure to apply the deodorant with caution. Because while obviously nothing attracts the favor of a lady...

Saturday, November 30, 2013
$27.99 from Amazon »

To use the sundial ring, hold it upright to align one of its 3 reference lines straight up. Calibrate to your time zone by using the reference line corresponding to to your latitude (i.e., northern cities use a different line...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013
$58.99 - $65.99 from Amazon »

Call my name! Bastian, please! Save us! Did anyone else have trouble deciphering what Bastian actually said when he screamed out the name he had chosen for the Childlike Empress? I must have watched The Neverending Story a...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013
$110 - $140 from Undead Teds »

Whoa. I thought the scariest thing I'd ever seen was a real live British boy who looks like Chucky, but Undead Teds have staged a coup and now reign supreme. Even if they don't have the same bone-chilling, soprano accent....

Friday, October 19, 2012

A one-person all-terrain vehicle that doubles as a personal watercraft. I don't like these studious, clinical terms for the Quadski, which is better described as a fat amphibious wad of adrenaline with a BMW engine. Gibbs'...

Tuesday, September 24, 2013
$50 from indiegogo »

The more I think about the Triposo Travel Belt, a belt that connects to smartphones' Triposo navigation apps and vibrates on the left, right, front, or back of the body to indicate the direction the wearer is meant to go...

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

United Nuclear's Nuclear Element Glow Soaps will scrub you clean. Clean and genetically modified. Maybe like Spider-Man. Maybe like Sloth from The Goonies....

Thursday, June 13, 2013
$30 from Amazon »

I thought maybe SleepPhones blocked out the sounds of snoring and garbage trucks and sirens and stupid F'ing songbirds with some sort of industrial acoustic insulation woven inside their fleece headband, but the self-described...

Friday, July 29, 2011
$58.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy them...