Digital Tape Measure

$28.87 from Amazon »

One thing I am not so great at is measuring things to within 1/16". How tedious it is counting all those little hash marks. I think we should just round to the nearest foot. That's what I did in the online dating profile...

Pizza Box Oven

$47.99 from Amazon »

It's not delivery. And it's not DiGiorno*. It's homemade pizza from the Cuizen Pizza Box Oven. And it's so adorable I can hardly look at it without squealing. And by squealing I mean feeling an overwhelming urge to smoke...

Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap...

Water Misting Fan with Carabiner Clip

$7 from Amazon »

I filed this water misting fan under Style --> Accessories because even though the O2 Cool companion was primarily made to provide some quick and instant relief on a hot day, making it more of an Outdoors --> Tools...

PancakeBot Pancake Printer

$179 from Kickstarter »

Turn a Picasso...or your own boobie scribbles...into edible, delectable art with the PancakeBot, the world's first pancake printer, and the world's latest entirely unnecessary invention! Mama! I'm tired of circles and...

BatteryBox Portable MacBook Charger

$134.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

What's in your box? Your stash? A campfire? A Gaga? Aw, just a battery? Well, does it at least contain enough power to give an additional 6 hours of life to my MacBook Pro? Alright then, I guess I'm still mildly interested....

Bullet Bouquets

$29.95 - $214.95 from Bullet Bouquets »

Bullet Bouquets. No better way to call them than that. And just as cool as these loaded pots of blooms: gung-ho shooter and artist Anthony Zambai saw the idea for them on Reddit less than a week ago. When the Bullet Bouquet...

Got Snipped Vasectomy Gift Baskets

$34.99 - $75.99 from Got Snipped »

It's that mad, mad, mad, mad time of year. With March comes Selection Sunday. With Selection Sunday comes the NCAA Tournament. And with the NCAA Tournament comes...vasectomies. Lots and lots of vasectomies. More vasectomies...

Lunar Legacy Combat Sword

$26.99 from Amazon »

I love the Amazon Q&A sections. Because, like another potentially interested party, I too was wondering if the Lunar Legacy would be a good sword for battle or just display. Three current owners responded, with two of...

Nerdwax Glasses Grip

$8.33 from Amazon »

Glasses-wearing nerds rejoice! Glasses-wearing non-nerds and sunglasses-wearing anyone can do a little jig too if you ever have trouble keeping your specs and shades positioned securely on your face without constantly...

The Sting Fixed Blade Knife

$33.80 from Amazon »

A boot or belt blade through and through, Columbia River Knife & Tool says its Sting is a knife meant for walking. The 3.1" black spear point features 2 edges whittled from a single solid piece of hot forged carbon steel...

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Haze Vaporizer

Giveaway: Haze Vaporizer

Things I do discreetly: 1) Spit out gristly pieces of chicken after I bite into them; 2) Ball her; 3) Toke up in public. Strawberry and chocolate smoking oils only, of course. Now you can partake in the herbal refreshment...

Selfie Vibrator with HD Camera (NSFW)

$180 from Lovehoney »

It doesn't have to be a holiday or special occasion to surprise your lady with a thoughtful gift. The Svakom Gaga Sex Selfie Stick even has a foolproof, built-in mechanism for gauging how much she likes it. Come on, sugar...

Cinder Sensing Cooker

$499 from Cinder »

Cinder looks a little like a Foreman, acts a little like a sous vide machine, and makes the food it turns out taste a little like the best steak/salmon/caramelized onions you've ever had. At least according to the Sensing...

Onion Holder & Odor Remover

$16.69 from Amazon »

Some things that suck about raw onions besides the way they linger on my palate and infiltrate every burp I belch for the next 36 hours include: 1) Make me cry like a 9-year-old girl at her guinea pig's funeral when I...

vapRwear Smokable Hoodies

$99 from VapRwear »

Elvis "Papi" Edwards created the line of vapRwear smokable hoodies. Papi Edwards. Caribbean native. Colorado resident. Incredibly enterprising stoner. His vapRwear hoodies all have hookah-like drawstrings at their necks...

HyperIce Vyper Vibrating Foam Roller

$199 from Amazon »

Hey look, it's a new BDSM toy for pain seekers muscle recovery tool for athletes. You've might have seen foam rollers here before, and you might have seen HyperIce brainchildren here before, but this hybrid of hurts so...

Dandelight

$140 from Moma Store »

Have you heard of tulip mania, a period during the Dutch Golden Age when people were playing tulip bulbs like the pre-2008 real estate market, paying exorbitant amounts of money for what was essentially a big fat seed?...

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Puff-N-Fluff Dog Dryer

$39.99 - $44.99 from Amazon »

Nine-year-old Marissa Streng came up with the Puff-N-Fluff bag. To dry her pug, Mojo, after a bath, after a swim, after coming in from the rain, after any time she preferred not gagging and retching to inhaling the ripe...

Ninja Garden Gnome

$30.49 from Firebox.com »

Gardenzilla taking out all of your lawn ornaments? Sounds like a job for [cue music] Ninja Gnome! The squirrels and my neighbor's cat Willard better watch out too. This assassin may be tiny...and made of, like, resin...but...

X-Mode Energy Shots on Tap

$29.99 from Amazon »

Uh oh. As if kegs of beer and boxes of wine aren't dangerous enough in my hands. I don't want children, but I have a feeling if I spent an hour in a room with X-Mode and its 100 ounces of energy shots on tap I'd walk...

Solar Window Charger

$23.99 from Amazon »

This solar powered window charger reminds me of the Winbot window-washing robot, except that it doesn't move around your windows and clean them, it just sits there soaking up the sun and converting its mighty power to...

Walther PPK Rubber Band Gun

$22.99 from Etsy »

The name's Band. James Band....

Haunt Furniture Luxe Bed

$2,400 - $3k from Haunt Furniture »

They call me Dracoola for my mystical aura, my brooding allure, and my fine taste in modern gothic furniture. Would you like a tour of my faux leather Luxe king bed in matte black finish, ma'am?...

Celtic Elite Bowie Knife

$16.99 from Amazon »

Festive or hideous? This Celtic Elite Bowie Knife from Ridge Runner is maybe a little bit of both. But come on, what better to pair with your kilt and Guinness this St. Paddy's Day than a thick stainless steel blade with...

International All-in-One Travel Plug Adapter

$11.99 from Amazon »

Granted, I haven't been out of the country in a while on account of...some stuff...but the last time I had to schlep along device adapters I think they were about the size of my head and weighed approximately 27 pounds....

YERKA Unstealable Bike

$399 from indiegogo »

You may have seen the YERKA and its integrated, supposedly theft-proof locking system floating around the Internet before, but today the Chilean bicycle designers have officially launched their crowdfunding campaign in...

Igloo Dome Sensory Deprivation Pillow

Shield yourself from all light and sound while you sleep without strapping things over your eyes, jamming them in your ears, or looking like an ostrich. The Igloo Dome Pillow is a cushioned sleeping tent for the head...

Zelda Engagement Chest & Rupee Ring Box

$220 from Etsy »

Will you be mine in holy nerd matrimony? In sickness (in which case I will give you some Red, Blue, or Green Potion) and in health (in which case I will guard your health bar with my Master Sword), in good Hyrulian times...

The Beer Peen Hammer

Now you can use your peen to open your beer. I mean, if you couldn't already. Good Beer Hunting has smithed its Beer Peen Hammer in the likeness of an antique ball peen hammer they picked up at an estate sale. Each of...

Bayit Smart Wi-Fi Socket

The Bayit Socket takes your fans, your heaters, you lamps, TVs, coffee machines, even washers and dryers and converts them from simple handy appliances to an army of minions at your beck and call. Bayit is a smart socket...

Olight Mini Intimidator Flashlight

Sold Out from Amazon »

From 200 to 600, from 600 to 1200, and from 1200 to 2800 lumens over the 4 modes of Olight's SR Mini Intimidator compact flashlight. At just 5" long and 10 ounces in (empty) weight, this variable output shiner blares...

Seaboard Squishy Silicone Keyboard

$3,500 from Moma Store »

I thought maybe because there aren't really any distinct keys on the Seaboard I wouldn't really need any distinct talent to play it, but in watching the video of...is that Kenny G?...jamming out on his, I'm reconsidering...

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Giveaway Entry Is Closed
Vintage Copper Fire Pit Set

Giveaway: Vintage Copper Fire Pit Set

We're at that midpoint between frikkin' sick of winter and summer's more than a stone's throw away. But click here and enter to win this vintage copper fire pit, plus a set of cooking tools, and you'll be able to stay...

Vibration Plate Jiggle Fitness Machine

$500 from Amazon »

If you've ever watched TV at 3 in the morning you've probably seen the Power Plus Vibration Plate, or something like it, before. I've seen the machine making people's jiggly parts jiggle many times myself. But what I...

Couples' Infrared Sauna

$1,050 from Amazon »

I guess it's not technically a sauna for couples, but it is a sauna for 2 people and there's no way in hell I'm sharing such a small, sweaty (but slightly less sweaty than a regular sauna since infrared saunas are absorbed...

Bushnell BackTrack Personal GPS Tracker

$54.21 from Amazon »

Not that I ever get lost, but...oh, put a sock in it, Mama, I wouldn't get lost even if I ever went somewhere either!...were I a directionally and locationally challenged person, I might like to have Bushnell's little...

Mr. Spock & Captain Kirk Salt & Pepper Shakers

$13.98 from Amazon »

After 83 years with us the pure legend who was Mr. Spock is gone. I'm sure we all share the hope that, wherever he and his alter ego, Leonard Nimoy, have gone, they live long and prosper....

Battery Organizer with Removable Tester

$12.10 from Amazon »

TV remotes, console controllers, and flashlights, oh...crap. I thought I had 4 more AA batteries somewhere in here. Amidst the cords and paper clips and eyeglass repair kits and, oh hey, here's my Mr. Spock action figure...

Healthful Home 5-Minute Mold Test Kit

$44.99 from Amazon »

Everyone talks about mold causing allergies and lung problems and, like, mental illness, but I just think it's gross. If I want fungus growing alongside my bed or watching TV with me, I'll get a Mushroom Log and at least...

MakersKit Cocktail Bar Set

$29.99 from MakersKit »

Shake it, stir it, strain it, pour it. And bring on Pussy Galore to taste it. Here MakersKit, known for their DIY sets of everything from terrariums to gourmet marshmallows, has a Classic Cocktail bundle for your home...

The Quarter Century 25-Year-Guarantee Pants

$85 from Kickstarter »

Quarter Century pants are just like every other pair of pants you own, except you'll still be wearing Quarter Centuries long after every other pair of pants you own has been relegated to: weekends only; the back of the...

The Butter Mill

$19.94 from Amazon »

Stop the bread massacre! Instead of putting holes in your toast and sandwiches, save your sourdough's texture and integrity by putting the holes in your butter dispenser instead. With its top surface covered in tiny...

What's On Your Mind Pillows

$44.62 - $170.52 from Etsy »

Eat more bacon. Have more sex. How did Lynn from Sew English get ahold of my to-do list? More importantly, why'd she have to go applique it on some pillows? I mean, my mama's gonna see those every day when she makes my...

Magnetic - Statically Charged Sticky Notes

$7 - $67 from Tesla Amazing »

OK, Magnetic, you win. The coolest new product I've seen all year. Created by appropriately titled Tesla Amazing, Magnetic is a line of notes, pads, boards, and sheets that act like sticky notes without the gummy, lint-collecting...

Dragon Chess Set

$151.79 from Amazon »

Welp, judging by the bones fossilized in the platform uplifting this chess set's glass board, the biggest dragons have already been slain. Now all I gotta conquer are the baby fire breathers, and in all likelihood their...

Elasto-Lok Tactical Gear Clip

$7.03 from Amazon »

Compatible with MOLLE bags (and probably, like, Jansport backpacks too), the Elasto-Lok from Duraflex is a multipurpose fastener that will secure anything from flashlights during camping trips to machetes during military...

Code Black Drone

The Code Black Drone is a limited edition in matte black that prides itself on stability during flight and being a skilled aerial acrobat. A Batmodrone, if you will. I will....