UZI Defender Tactical Pen

$21.19 from Amazon »

UZI incorporates a few different tools into its Defender line of pens to award them the "tactical" buzzword. This version, the TACPEN6-GM has a glass breaker and handcuff key fitted to its lightweight aircraft aluminum...

R-PAL 300-Lumen Compact LED Lantern

$129.95 from Amazon »

The R-PAL palm-sized lantern comes with 3 CREE XLamp XBD LEDs that provide a minimum of 300 lumens of brightness, and a piece of paper taped over them warning you not to look directly into their light. Like your teachers...

Argonaut Kevlar & Tyvek Paper Boot

$118 - $128 from The UT Lab »

The Unbelievable Testing Laboratory began inspiring awe in people who wear shoes last year when they created this 5.3-ounce pair out of paper. They've since released a couple of additional styles, but their latest foray...

LithiumCard Portable HyperCharger

$39.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Slip a LithiumCard Portable HyperCharger into your wallet for just $39.99. That's 27% off retail value for a limited time from Dude Exclusives....

Dragonborn Statue

$370 from Bethesda Store »

Bethesda Store and Quake Con have produced only 250 of these highly detailed Dragon Priest Mask variants of their Dragonborn statue. From official 2D artwork to formidable 3D incarnation, the Elder Scrolls legend stalwartly...

Giant Wall Decals

From Star Trek to T-Rex, LTL Prints has your walls covered. These giant, sometimes life-size decals come in over 8 million images, and you'll have your pick of them with a $150 credit to the LTL online store. Get it for...

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Zayak Sea Sled

Giveaway: Zayak Sea Sled

Explore the wonders of the ocean without granting the wonders of the ocean free access to your mouth, eyes, ear canals, and nasal passageways. Enter to win a Zayak Sea Sled! A $375 value!...

Halloween Gear Guide

 

Oh boy, it's time to start shelling out your hard-earned cash for a hard-earned night of reckless abandon, mad debauchery, mass sugar and alcohol consumption, and sitting front and center at the Parade of Hot Slutty Girl...

Star Wars on Earth Prints

Stirring scenes from American history, meet stirring scenes from American sci-fi. This set of 4 Star Wars prints from Thirteenth Floor pits some of the Empire's worst villains against some of our own greatest war heroes....

Ronin 47 Motorcycle

$38k from Ronin »

Named after Japanese legend The Revenge of the 47 Ronin, The Ronin 47 series of motorcycles consists, naturally, of only and exactly 47 individually built bikes. Each is engraved with the name of its corresponding folkloric...

Batmobile Slippers

$15.60 from Hot Topic »

Now that I've watched the first couple episodes of Gotham, I can say with certainty that these Batmobile slippers would be perfect for little Brucey Wayne. Maybe they'll give him more solace in the aftermath of his parents'...

GasPods Fuel Savers

$39.95 - $134.95 from Amazon »

GasPods promise an average savings of $120 per car per year. So, no, applying the aerodynamic champions of fuel efficiency won't result in a bank account boon of exotic Asian vacation proportions...or even really Japanese...

X-Ray Playing Cards

$12.74 from Amazon »

The skulls on these X-ray playing cards show a transparent face to you, an opaque face to your opponents, and a sinister face to all. You'll be able to turn your friend Cornelius' mug into a sick-grinning, blood-red-brained...

Quik-Serve Conveyor Toaster

$59.99 from Amazon »

A pack of Toastabags, a Quik-Serve conveyor toaster, a couple loaves of bread, a couple pounds of cheese...huh. I might not starve to death when my mama goes out of town next week after all....

VSSL Outdoor Utility Tubes

$49 - $105 from Amazon »

VSSLs (say "vessel") are cylinders stashed with smaller cylinders stashed with everything you might need to survive and present yourself as functional in the outdoors. The outer tubes are made of waterproof mil spec aluminum...

Sparta Knife Block

$49 from Missing Digit »

I think the Sparta Knife Block is even better than the Ex Knifeholder because while they are both clever ideas, the Sparta version connotes a brave and stoic warrior defending me instead of an angry and vengeful woman...

Caged Animal Gorilla Costume

$155.81 from Amazon »

Its vendors describe this gorilla toting a human around in a cage as "the most incredible adult costume you've ever seen." And while the only way that statement could be even remotely true is if Kate Upton were wearing...

Venom Mask

$694.95 from Composite Effects »

At first I just thought this Venom mask was realistic-looking in a cool way. Then I watched the video of the guy silently barking and growling with it on, and I still think it's realistic-looking. In a way that indicates...

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Catnip Joints

$10 - $19.50 from Stark Raving Cat »

Legal in all 50 states! Though I'm pretty sure Catnip Joints are the inverse of marijuana joints. In the sense that all the cats I've ever seen lie around and sleep all day, pausing only to look at you with complete disinterest...

Porn: The Game!

$19.99 from Porn the Game »

One time I read a book willingly and it was called The Average American Male. The entirety of its plot basically consisted of the narrator thinking about what it would be like to have dirty sex with every woman he saw...

Ladies' Superhero Rompers

$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

These caped superhero rompers for ladies look like pajamas, comfy Halloween costumes, and instant pants snake charmers all rolled into one. Another trifecta the onesies manage to nail:...

OppoSuits

$99.95 - $109.95 from Amazon »

Why settle for becoming a walking eyesore from just the waist up? Sweaters now have some competition for the World's Tackiest title, courtesy of tailored male fashion. OppoSuits are...did you figure it out?...the opposite...

Dimond Knife Sharpener

Sold Out from Amazon »

The thing I remember most about last month is suction. Thanks to the Mighty Mug, I have never been more impressed by this simple method of sticking things to other things. No joke. After passing a couple of Mighty Mugs...

Waves MFS Physio-Tactical Pocket Stick

Sold Out from Amazon »

Designer Rainer Wenning calls his Waves MFS a "physio-tactical" palm stick, which might be the best bit of pretentious, made-up terminology I've ever heard. Because what "physio-tactical" basically means is that after...

Seek Thermal Camera for Smartphones

$249 - $299 from Seek Thermal »

Detect infrared "light" on your iPhone or Android with Seek, a thermal imaging camera that can identify objects' emissions in both daylight and the black of night. It's an affordable gadget for consumers to dink around...

Hush Moonshine

According to Hush, "The moonshine business was built on confidence, loyalty and the ability to keep secrets." That's a nice way to put it. Nicer than, "The moonshine business originated as an illegal and criminal activity...

MistoBox Coffee Bundle

MistoBox's continual variety of fresh, hand-selected beans makes AeroPressing your morning coffee a task that never gets dull. Their monthly delivery service also makes it one that never gets interrupted by the painful...

Big Boss Oil-Less Fryer

$77.45 from Amazon »

We all know there are 2 failsafe ways to make any food taste good: 1) Add bacon; 2) Batter and deep fry. Too bad both make you tub out and smell bad. However, for those intent on eating their nightly helping of fried...

RuckPack Combat Tested Energy Drink

If anyone needs to reach and maintain peak mental and physical performance, it's US Special Operations Forces stationed in Afghanistan. So a team of them, led by Rob Dyer, designed RuckPack nutrition and energy drink...

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Structure 3D Sensor

Giveaway: Structure 3D Sensor

3D scanning. Instant measurements. Augmented reality. And mobility. Get them all when you enter to win a Structure 3D Sensor from Occipital! A $379 value!...

In Case Of Cabinets

$188 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

The Whiskey Wedge

$19.95 from Amazon »

One thing I can't stomach is getting piss drunk on piss warm whiskey. And though I do enjoy the array of giant cubes and fancy globes and Darth Vader-shaped ice molds now available for me to chill it with, their stubborn...

Flame Smart Heated Base Layer

$135 from indiegogo »

In cities with bitter winters, it seems like it's always one extreme or the other: not enough clothing and you're colder than a well digger's asshole; or too many layers and you're walking around in -2 degrees sweating...

Alien Mind Control Mask

$97.99 from The Horror Dome »

Oh what I would give to wear this Alien Mind Control mask to work. I'd just ride the lobby elevator up and down all day long, standing there ominously to greet, and soil the pants of, everyone who gets on. I'm almost...

Bees Knees Spicy Honey

$14 from MixedMade »

I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the implications--the glorious, glorious implications--of what essentially amounts to the honey bear being left alone with the Sriracha rooster in a kitchen cabinet for too long....

Chemist's Spice Rack

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm trying to think of a way to spin the Chemist's Spice Rack into something besides the perfect gift for a complete culinary geek, but...donut hole. Then again, as evidenced by the comments on ThinkGeek's listing of...

Eco-Egg Automatic Mini Washing Machine

Sold Out from Amazon »

Could your days of quarter hoarding and letting sweat-saturated clothes pile up until your entire room smells like a festering colony of bacteria because you can't do laundry until you have a full load be over? Eco-Egg...

Viveltre Gourmet Marshmallows

$5.99 - $9.99 from Viveltre »

Today's Lesson: If you're going to eat...hold on, let me count...30 jumbo marshmallows for breakfast, they may as well be jumbo marshmallows that are F'ing. Delicious. Viveltre, confectioner and administrator of my lesson...

RipSurfer X - Surf Trainer Workout System

From Shark Tank to Crunch Fitness to your living room. Or backyard. Or the beach. Be one of the first to get a RipSurfer X surf trainer and its shredding total-body workouts for $125 off retail price with this Dude Exclusives...

You Have to F**king Eat

$12.30 from Amazon »

If I had a kid I think I would be way more concerned about it not going the fuck to sleep than not fucking eating because, I mean, the hours from bedtime to the ass crack of dawn when the kid inevitably wakes back up...

DUBS Advanced Tech Earplugs

$25 from DUBS »

I always wear earplugs when I go out at night. Not only do they protect what little hearing I have left, but if someone ugly comes up and tries to talk to me they also give me an easy out: I just point at my ears, conjure...

Scorpion Blade Arm Gauntlet

$44.60 from Amazon »

A scorpion in appearance, a fantasy knife in name, a DEATH STALKER in action. BladesUSA has your cosplay night, your Halloween costume, and your one-man S&M show covered....

Recycled Motorcycle Carburetor Planter

Sold Out from Etsy »

If I had an old motorcycle carburetor I would probably throw it in a dump truck on its way to a landfill, where it would join the other mountains of trash in a slow but eternal process of killing living things. A far...

Keypad Fix Remote Control Reviver

$4.95 from Amazon »

Now this looks like a fun project for a Wednesday night. Gather up all of the remote controls with buttons to which I must apply approximately 18 kilonewtons of force* to get to work, and fix them with some goo that looks...

Alpha Minimal Wallet with RFID Protection

$29.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Hold your cash and cards tight, and the data they hold even tighter. Get an Alpha minimalist wallet with RFID protection for $29.99, 33% off retail price for a limited time from Dude Exclusives....

Krazy Beaver Super Shovel

$89.99 from Krazy Beaver Tools »

I want to know what crazy beaver Krazy Beaver Tools encountered that would make them think up a shovel that looks like this. My entire crotchal region recoils into my bladder at the mere sight of its teeth. Those aren't...

Back to the Future II Light Up Shoes

In 2011 Nike made 1,500 pairs of Marty McFly 2015 Air Mag replicas and auctioned them to benefit The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. Rumor has it the company will release another round, this one with...

Karma Go LTE Hotspot

Pre-order Karma's latest personal, portable, pocket-sized hotspot, the Karma Go with nationwide LTE coverage, plus 1GB of free data. Just $99 from Dude Exclusives. That's 33% off the $149 retail price....

Time Bomb Kitchen Timer

$11.55 from Amazon »

They could have done so much more when they decided to turn a ticking time bomb into a kitchen timer. I think rather than twisting the center people should be able to pull the fuse to set it. And then with each passing...

Seatylock Bike Saddle Lock

$85 from Seatylock »

They'll still probably slash up your saddles just to be a-holes, but Seatylock hopes its clever security measures will simultaneously prevent thieves from stealing your bike...or your seat...and relieve you of the burden...

Vencer Sarthe

$350k from Vencer »

Sarthe is first a region/river in France and second a semi-permanent race course most famous for its role in the 24 Hours of Le Mans and third a word that sounds like it belongs in the Star Wars narrative. So Dutch brand...

Wearable Japanese Futon

Funny how a mere 90-degree turn can transform this wearable Japanese futon from a reasonably comfortable night's sleep into an awkward, stifling onesie that probably goes swish, swish between your thighs with every step....

Rhino Shield iPhone 6 Screen Protector

$19.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Get a Rhino Shield impenetrable scratch & impact screen for your new iPhone 6! Just $19.99, 33% off its $30 retail value, from Dude Exclusives....

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SnowLizard SLXtreme iPhone & iPad Cases

Giveaway: SnowLizard SLXtreme iPhone & iPad Cases

As indestructible and rugged as you are indefatigable and equal parts Shaun White and Bear Grylls. Enter to win a set of SLXtreme iPhone 5 and iPad 4 cases, plus Chest Mount and Nautical Kit accessories from SnowLizard!...

Mitten Flask

$17.99 from Perpetual Kid »

It's only natural that a company called Perpetual Kid would be selling a Mitten Flask. Ahhh, mittens. I lost so many of them sledding during Christmas vacation as a precocious 7-year-old. And ahhh, flasks. I always had...

Schnuzzle - Scent-Based Dog Toys

$27 from Schnuzzle »

Schnuzzle promises to be your best friend's new best friend. Why? Because it smells like bacon! And then it smells like BBQ beef! And then, suddenly, roast chicken! Nubby spherical and cylindrical dog toys with interchangeable...

Muse - Brain-Sensing Headband

$299 from Muse »

Headbands. They're not just for holding your hair back or making you look like Axl Rose anymore. In fact, Muse's headband can sense your brain. Or at least take its EEG readings, and use that information to help you learn...

Inflatable Chub Suits

$32.99 from Amazon »

WARNING: Keep Chub Suits away from fire. Ha! All I can think of after seeing these tub-o costumes and reading that line is the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Kids, take note: if you wear an inflatable Chub Suit this Halloween...

Cobra iRadar Smart Detector

$59.99 from Amazon »

Well. It will never achieve the legendary status of the Fuzzbuster, but Cobra's iRadar 200 does bring a few tricks of its own to the table. Paired with an iPhone or Android smartphone, this smart radar detector provides...

Star Wars Bantha Dog Costume

$23.71 from Amazon »

Even though the Shetland Sheepdog wearing this Bantha dog costume looks paralyzed with fear and has his tail planted so firmly between his legs it's probably corking his bunghole, I'm pretty sure he likes it. Right, Gingerbread?...

Neon Illuminated Bathtub

$2,400 from GNR 8 »

If Slimer slimed in a bathtub, it would probably look something like this illuminated Jan Puylaert design. Only, like...slimier. But Puylaert's self-standing tubs with built-in neon lighting systems don't look dirty or...

Pocketcopter - World's Smallest Flying Camera

$115 from indiegogo »

One way to take rad photos at unique angles is to climb on furniture and scale trees and hang from power lines. That's what Thomas, Mike, and Ricardo used to do. Until they broke one too many lamps and bones, at which...

StickR TrackR Bluetooth Location Stickers

$29.95 from DudeIWantThat.com »

The size of a quarter, the value of your sanity. Attach a StickR TrackR Bluetooth location sticker to any important item and maintain a permanent link to its whereabouts. Get a pair of the disks from Dude Exclusives for...

Abashiri Blue Beer

$8.19 - $21.19 from Firebox.com »

One guess as to where Abashiri Blue Beer comes from. Hint: not Smurf Village, and not outer space. Which leaves only one other logical choice, right? Yep: Japan....

f**ktionary

$25 from Amazon »

Not to brag, but...I'm pretty sure I coined the phrase "ass hornet" while sitting on the john one night after my friend Cornelius dared me to lace my chili with a tablespoon of powdered bhut jolokia. And now, after mere...

Hamster Wheel Standing Desk

FREE from Instructables »

Get in your wheels and start churning out the fiscal year-end spreadsheets, hamsters! And when you're done don't forget to thank me for the bulged disks and sciatica I'm preventing by allowing you to stand up and walk...