Fools

Voltron Cat Condo

$189.99 from ThinkGeek »

Interlock? Dynotherms? Infracells? Mega thrusters? You won't be needing any of those for this Voltron. This 6-foot-tall, fleece-covered super robot isn't here to defend the universe, he's here to entertain and give your...

Game of Thrones Clue

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

Welp, it shouldn't be hard to find someone to play the murder victim in this rendition of my favorite board game. What will be hard about playing Game of Thrones Clue: uh, playing Game of Thrones Clue. It's like taking...

Power Glow Bioluminescent Energy Drink

Throw away the EL wire and chemical-laced makeup. If you want to look like a club kid, Doctor Manhattan, or a walking biohazard, come the end of 2015 all you'll have to do is gulp & glow. On top of injecting your blood...

Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp

$299.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm getting this lamp and putting it on my desk with a Krispy Kreme donut or a piece of gooey butter cake in the spotlight's dead center. It will be the first time ever some a-hole doesn't steal my food at work. Because...

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

20-Pound Chocolate Lionel Richie Head

$833.19 from Firebox.com »

I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

The Fuzzbuster II

 

I know most of you have heard of a radar detector*. Possibly you've used one before. Maybe you've even tried the original Fuzzbuster. But whether or not you're aware of how life (and wallet and license points) saving...

Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

Dog Shelter BBQ Finder App

 

Are you having trouble finding the very best dog shelter BBQs in your area? Well sharpen your steak knife and bow-wow your head to say grace because the same people who brought you The Funloving Feminist's Bible have...

Boregasm Pills

 

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

Carrot Cigarettes

 

Smooth, full-flavored, and chock full of vitamins, carrot cigarettes fill the void in the health-conscious segment of the tobacco industry. Smokers looking to refine their habit, or live past the age of 60, and non-smokers...

AdrenaSuit - Bulletproof & Superpowered

 

The fit is hitting the shan. The adrenaline dam has busted, and your fight-or-flight response is sprinting at a world-record-setting pace. What does it look like? Are you stepping up? Freezing up? Freaking out? Peacing...

In Vitro Baby Branding

 

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...