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Intermittent Fasting for Babies

Posted: April 01, 2021
Intermittent Fasting for Babies
  • Intermittent Fasting for Babies

The latest diet fad hits up the earliest years of life. Oh no, sorry, Intermittent Fasting for Babies, like intermittent fasting for adults, isn't a fad. And it isn't a diet. It's an eating pattern. It's a lifestyle. And according to author Dr. Valson Fongo, Intermittent Fasting for Babies is a lifestyle that will change the lives of everyone involved. That is, not just the babies' lives, but perhaps more importantly, Mom's and Dad's lives too.

According to Fongo, and anyone who's ever been around babies, one of the major reasons babies cry all the time is that they're hungry. But one of the major reasons they're hungry all the time is that we're always feeding them. Their bodies never get a break from metabolic activity and insulin production, and their brains become addicted to constant eating, making them wail for the nip as if they are starving, or being anal probed by aliens, at short, regular intervals all day and all night long.

How Does Intermittent Fasting for Babies Work?

Following the intermittent fasting method, babies' bodies and minds undergo striking changes in just a couple of weeks. On the cellular and molecular levels, hormones adjust and stored body fat becomes more accessible. Cells enter autophagy, a process of clearing damaged cells from the system, and activate repair processes they're unable to see through when the body is constantly digesting. Human growth hormone (HGH) levels increase by up to 5 times, while insulin levels drop dramatically. Genetic changes improving longevity and disease protection kick in.

As for babies' brains...well, I'll be honest. Intermittent Fasting for Babies is going to make babies' brains super pissed off for those first 2 weeks. They, and in turn you, will struggle to get through it. But once they cross the threshold, break through the barrier of their brains - brains, not bodies - making unnecessary demands for milk or pureed peaches, they'll feel like they're seeing the bright light and hearing the choir of angels. Their minds will calm. Their dispositions will chill. They will become human Baby Yodas.

The results will be stunning.

Longo suggests babies' tiny bodies will catch up to their proportionately large brains faster. They'll grow and mature more at the rate of other primates, such as chimpanzees, who reach an age of independence at 6 to 9 years old, as opposed to the 30 years it takes most human children of this generation. Thanks to the reprogramming of their hormones and a newfound efficiency in cellular function, they'll also be taller and fitter (bye-bye childhood obesity), have stronger immune systems, better attention spans and clarity of thought (bye-bye Adderall), and increased overall acumen. They will become adult Obi-Wans. ... With a few Vaders thrown in there too, but hey, even Intermittent Fasting for Babies can't give parents total control of how their kids turn out.

I'm a Parent. What Can Intermittent Fasting for Babies Do for Me?

That, dudes, is a great question. And in my opinion, the answer is the best part about Intermittent Fasting for Babies. Think of it:

  • Middle-of-the-night feedings: gone.
  • Bottles, sippy cups, baggies of Cheerios and goldfish overflowing the diaper bag: gone.
  • Number of diapers, wipes, Underoos, and other bodily function-related items required for outings: go- well, maybe not gone, but drastically reduced, given that a baby who's not chowing down and chugging milk all day also isn't whizzing and taking giant diaper deuces either.

Further, if you establish intermittent fasting as the norm for your child during infancy, the benefits only continue as they get older. Food costs go down. Days you forget to pack a school lunch aren't just easily forgiven, they go unnoticed entirely. And nights you have to work late, or are too exhausted to cook dinner? A liter of water and the promise of a trip to Dave & Buster's in a mere 24 hours should go over just as well.

But What About All That Extra Breast Milk?

For moms wondering what the F-cups they're supposed to do with all that extra breast milk, Dr. Fongo is coming out with an excellent option next month: the Baking with All That Extra Breast Milk cookbook. In addition to ensuring your bodily brew doesn't go to waste with recipes such as Mammary Milkshakes, Jiggly Jugs Jiggly Cheesecake Pudding, and Chesticle Fudgesicles, Fongo also provides cooking and packaging tips for creating items such as Brie-st Cheese and Two Nipples, Tres Leches Cake in bulk, for moms interested in starting a unique baking business while nursing.

Note to expecting mothers: as tempting as it might be to begin shedding pregnancy weight during your pregnancy, Intermittent Fasting for Babies is not recommended for babies still in utero.

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