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Self Defense UFC Ears

Posted: April 01, 2019
Self Defense UFC Ears
$8.99
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Live in a sketchy neighborhood? Getting bullied at school? UFC Ears are a simple and cheap self defense tool for people concerned for their personal safety in any location or environment.

The way UFC Ears work for self defense is that you slip the pair of latex prosthetics over your own ears, and then go about your normal business worry-free.

Because who the J-Lau is going to F with someone with cauliflower ears?!

It's not often you can tell a lot about a man (or a lady for that matter) by his ears, but one very defining ear-acteristic is a pair of lobes giving rise to mounds of bulbous flesh that look like the florets of everyone's favorite cruciferous veg. Hey, cauliflower is a great substitute for carbs, but for cartilage? Yeeeks, no thank you.

And if a mugger, or a jerk in a bar, or an evil punk in the lunchroom has a choice of going after a dude with ears that look like they're how God made 'em, or a dude with ears that look like they've survived many a grotesque year in the octagon, and are therefore probably attached to someone who can deliver a wicked right jab, followed by a body lock takedown and a rear naked choke, who are they gonna pick?

As long as you're wearing your UFC Ears, not you!

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