Jewelry

Fordite & Vintage Westinghouse Micarta Ring

$900 Black Badger »

Black Badger's Fordite & Vintage Westinghouse Micarta Ring is a funhouse of kaleidoscopic colors and a rare 1940s material the band's designer, James Thompson, calls "OG composite...fo shiz."...

Personalized Name or Message Thong

$35.50 Etsy »

Although these personalized name or message thong underwear are super...duper...sexy, I could never ask my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, to place a chain link g-string between her cheeks. I mean, eek. Talk about a...

Collide Connecting Engagement & Wedding Rings for Men

$1,500 - $2,500 Collide Rings »

Collide Rings, a set of connecting engagement and wedding rings for men, are for all the dudes out there who want to show the world they're taken from the moment their lady says, "Yes." Or, I suppose, Collide Rings are...

I F**king Love You Morse Code Necklace

$44 - $49 Etsy »

The I F**king Love You Morse Code Necklace from Cursing in Code falls somewhere between an engagement ring and the You Is Fine Bears when it comes to gifts for your girlfriend that will make her heart melt this Valentine's...

Lampjoy Glass Rings

$16.20 - $30.70 Etsy »

My wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, would break a Lampjoy Glass Ring within 5 minutes of putting it on. No offense, sugar britches, but you are the be-all, end-all of hand talkers, and at least one of those enthusiastic...

Viper Ring

$129 Amazon »

Welp, it's better than having a viper around your neck. This Viper Ring turns the Mangshan pit viper into a beautiful, formidable piece of jewelry. Its head sits atop your finger, while its body, er, snakes around either...

Norse Tradesman Hair & Beard Coils

$14.87 Amazon »

My fellow vikings and ancient Scandinavians at heart, what better way to show your old Norse appreciation than by be-baubling your beards, braids, and dreadlocks with these coiled hair and beard rings from Norse Tradesman?...

Strong Man Ring Holder

$19.95 Amazon »

Sure, this Strong Man Ring Holder is super ripped and all, but I bet the dude's a total acne-ridden, cross-eyed, butter face. Ugly as sin, and that's why they never show him from the front in any of the ring holder's...

Masters of the Universe Orko Chain Necklace

A Masters of the Universe Orko Chain Necklace?! Hot diggity-dog, my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power is gonna Adora this! (Haha, get it?) Who else needs a gift for a woman packed with the power of a Trollan?...

Give Me An Inch - Real Inch Ruler Necklace

$9.99 - $22.49 Etsy »

Here we have a real inch ruler necklace, entitled Give Me An Inch. I think it is the perfect gift for a frenemy, or my Aunt Jan, that is both an interesting piece of jewelry, and a passive aggressive way of indicating...

14K Gold Michael Myers Pendant

$650 Aporro »

You gotta be a big fan of Michael Myers, Halloween, horror movies, and/or creeping people out to drop $650 on a 14K Gold Michael Myers Pendant. It's not even made of hand-cut diamonds - though I'm sure there's some cutting...

Crown Nipple Rings (NSFW)

$19.90 Etsy »

Maybe she calls herself a queen. Maybe she calls herself a princess. She's definitely some level of royalty. So I think it's time to bow down and crown her. No, lower. Nooooo...not that low. This crown is for her nipple...

Wood & Titanium Engagement Ring

$105 Etsy »

Shine bright like a...piece of Patagonian virapita wearing this titanium band engagement ring topped with a radiant-cut piece of wood. A good 3 carats from the looks of it...

Ursula Octopus Bracelet

$29 Etsy »

Can't find an Octopus Teacher? How about an Ursula Octopus Bracelet instead? Can't find the unleashed Kraken? How about an Ursula Octopus Bracelet instead? Can't find a unicorn gift for your girlfriend? How about an Ursula...

Abacus Ring

$558 Etsy »

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways on my Abacus Ring. One...two...three...four...

Aurora Borealis Necklace

$89.48 - $120.98 Etsy »

Listen, ladies, if you were wearing one of Wood All Good's Aurora Borealis Necklaces, you would have to cut me some slack. Yes, I would be staring at your chesticular area for a long period of time. But I swear, I wouldn't...

3D Animal Earrings

$13.99 Etsy »

Are these 3D animal earrings - 3D in both style and printing - not the most adorable skin skewers you've ever seen? From the cat that looks pissed to be stuck hanging from a lobe, to the narwhal who's wondering why he...

Sword Earrings

$13.99 - $18.99 Etsy »

Not only does Stark Contrasts make 3D-printed Sword Earrings, Stark Contrasts makes 3D-printed She-Ra: Princess of Power Sword Earrings! Holy Etheria, Swift Wind, I thought I'd hit the jackpot with Astrosex, but Sword...

Dune Futuristic Rings

$72 - $122 Etsy »

There are some cooooool cats over at Substance Jewelry making these Dune Futuristic Rings - and really all the rings available in the designers' Etsy shop. Each of the Dune Ring listings kicks off with a quote from Frank...

Good After Nine Animal Rings

$54 - $163.50 Etsy »

Didn't get that hippopotamus for Christmas? How about a Happy Hippo Ring instead? Those denied cats, dogs, snakes, cockatoos, koalas, and frog princes, Good After Nine has its finger on the pulse of your disappointment...

Personalized Glowing Life Bar Pin

$25 Etsy »

Let everyone know how you're faring this year with a Personalized Glowing Life Bar Pin. The horizontal health meters charge up in sunlight, and then glow neon green in the dark at your choice of Full Life, Mostly Alive...

18K Gold & Diamond Pave Skull Ring

$5,249 Etsy »

His name is Rrrico. Rrrico Pave. This sold 18K gold and diamond pave skull ring sees 2.9 carats of ethically sourced South African diamonds embedded flush and showy in a human-style skull made in your choice of hollow...

Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)

$67 - $80 Musch Musch »

And if you're not into your privates on a pendant, Musch Musch will also hand make (hand job?) photos of your very own penis, vagina, boobies, or butthole into a bracelet, a mug, or, for the ultimate dick pic, a 3D piece...

Tiffany & Co. Advent Calendar

$112k Tiffany & Co. »

Your woman sure as shiny baubles won't be singin' out to Santa Baby this year if her Dude Baby gets her one of Tiffany & Co.'s Advent Calendars. Twenty-four days of diamonds and drop earrings, platinum and pendants, and...