Decor

Black 4.0

$49.99 Culture Hustle »

Ever wanted to paint your world in the most obscenely black black? Meet BLACK 4.0 - the blackest black paint in the known universe, and maybe even in those universes we haven't discovered yet. This isn't just any paint;...

Santa on a Lift Hanging Christmas Lights Decoration

Sold Out Amazon »

Wait, Santa needs a lift to help hang lights on the Christmas tree? I thought the elves were supposed to be the little ones. Did ol' SC get hit by Wayne Szalinski's ray gun machine at the 2023 North Pole Christmas Gift...

Snoop on the Stoop Christmas Elf Doll

$49.50 Amazon »

I 100% approve of the Snoop on the Stoop Christmas Elf Doll. What I'd be even more enthusiastic about, though, is if there were also a Martha on the Heartha...Hanukkah, since Ms. Stewart is Jewish...Elf Doll to go with...

Octopus Headphone Wall Hanger

$49.99 Etsy »

Guess how many pairs of headphones you can hang from the Octopus Headphone Wall Hanger. ... Wrong! Not eight, but nine. Nine over-ear headsets will fit on M3is3D's rockin' octo, because the pink 'pus is an audiophile...

Iron Mando Porcelain Helmet

$750 Discommon »

The Iron Mando Porcelain Helmet is what happens when creative visionaries and skilled artists don't want to get sued by Disney or Marvel. Discommon, the design firm behind the Iron Mando, calls their full-size porcelain...

Melting Rugs

$121 - $156.75 Etsy »

These Melting Rugs are affordable tributes to (i.e., cheap copies of?) Azerbaijani visual artist Faig Ahmed's original surreal designs. The funky runners come in a variety of colorways and sizes, including custom requests...

BIC Lighter Rug

$95 Etsy »

I was going to be kind and call this BIC Lighter Rug "quirky" and "niche," but it's made by an Etsy shop named Ugly Rugs, so I guess I can just be straight and call a spade a spade. So...Dudes, look at this ugly-ass BIC...

Bag of Chips Pillows

$20.65 Etsy »

These handmade designs from Funny Bonny Store are all that and a bag of...pillow. Ready to turn all who own them into real couch potato...chips. Lays, Cheetos, Doritos, it's the best of crunchy snacks meets the best of...

Grid Studio Disassembled Old Tech Art

$39.99 - $599 Grid Studio »

Grid Studio creates art honoring extinction that is itself on the verge of extinction. Their framed displays of disassembled old tech - namely iPhones, but also a few other Apple products, brands of early edition cell...

Fluffy Wall Art

$153 - $344 Kahove »

Can't get a puppy or a cat? How about a pettable Mona Lisa, a soft 'n' silky Scream, or a furry Starry Night instead? Fluffy Wall Art turns masterpieces of fine art into masterpieces of fluff art, with the artists of...

Burning $100 Bill Area Rug

Sold Out Amazon »

Your hundo's burning a hole in your pocket, mine's burning a hole in my floor. The Burning $100 Bill Area Rug. What a disturbing showstopper. And not just for its detailed minting and realistic flames, but for the message...

Vita Balanza Table Candle

$745 2Modern »

Does your next dinner party, your living space, your life vibe hang in the balance of dull, mass-produced candles poured in glass jars and scented with a combination of your grandma's soap and your grandpa's aftershave?...

But Did You Die? Neon Sign

$104.65 - $230.65 Etsy »

Well? Did you? Then suck it up, buttercup, and flip on this But Did You Die? Neon Sign as a reminder things could have turned out much worse. You could have drank that last shot of tequila. You could have exertion-vomited...

F**k Rug

Discontinued

How do you say, "Welcome?" "F**k." How do you say, "Don't drip shower water on the floor?" "F**k." How do you say, "Here's a cozy place to put your toesies when you get out of bed in the morning?" Yes, that's right...

Florigami Animal Sculptures

$207.17 Etsy »

I know. All these expertly crafted origami animal sculptures should be called Faunigami, not Florigami. But there is more than rhyming behind the play on the words. This bestial collection of Japanese papercraft is all...

FluoroSphere Fluorescent Light Show

$39 Amazon »

My dudes, my kids, my psilocybin partakers, meet the FluoroSphere. It's not exactly a magic ball, but it's certainly a magical ball, filled with water and UV-reactive FluoroGel that creates an enthralling fluorescent...

Velvet Potato Pillow

$84.01 Etsy »

It's the most expensive, yet also the most cuddly, potato you'll ever own. Krystyna Dulinska's Velvet Potato Pillow might be the best potato gift I've seen since the Potato Parcel, whose cost and cuddliness are also up...

Kama Sutra Bucket List Scratch Poster

$19 Amazon »

A whole bucket list of Kama Sutra positions? Um, I feel like my whole bucket list contains making it through just one single Kama Sutra position. I mean, seriously dudes, The Spider? The Sidekick? The Tornado?! They all...

Black Bag Porcelain Vase

$109.90 Etsy »

This Black Bag Porcelain Vase is black. Deep, dark matte black, almost the same shade as my ex-girlfriend Karen's heart. (Almost. Hers is even more similar to that Black 3.0, Blackest Paint in the World Black.) So in...

Octopus Banana Rug

$132.67 Etsy »

My doomsday prediction for 2023: the Octopus Bananas will come for us! And since we'll all be dead or enslaved, and unable to get merch and gear to remember it by, here's an Octopus Banana Rug you can buy before the Octo-Banana-pocalypse...

Censored Spines: Literary Kindling

Don't worry, Karen, this is just Volume I of Censored Spines: Literary Kindling. I'm sure RethinkTANK will come out with many, many more editions featuring the banned likes of The Bluest Eye, Out of Darkness, All Boys...

Pep Talk Generator Poster

$12.95 Amazon »

Holiday stress and depression. Recession gloom. Anger over your favorite movies and TV shows vanishing from HBO Max. Methinks 2023 is gonna be the Year of the Pep Talk. Oh, hey, here's a Pep Talk Generator Poster to help...

Dinosaur Hanukkah Menorah

$59.99 Amazon »

I wouldn't have named it the Dinosaur Hanukkah Menorah. I would have called it the T-Rex Dinosorah. But, I don't work for Zion Judaica Ltd, and I'm not "Margarita," the person who designed this cretaceous candle holder...

Champagne Bottle Balloon Kit

$16.99 Amazon »

An 88-piece Champagne Bottle Balloon Kit you can inflate and use to decorate down the stairs, up the wall, arcing over the window, any which way you want?! This DIY decor looks like a job for...not this dude. Uh-uh. No...