Ugly Feet Flip Flops
Oh man, I thought my friend Cornelius had ugly feet. But if even he got a pair of these Ugly Feet Flip Flops, I would know the crusty, cracking, mangled, bunion-bulging dogs from the swamp couldn't possibly be his own.
Well, yeah, mostly because as soon as you put the Ugly Feet Flip Flops on, your (hopefully) better looking feet cover them. So no one would ever actually mistake these ogre feet for your own. It's not the hairy chest swimsuit kind of optical illusion. And really, Ugly Feet Flip Flops are in a whole other optical illusion category, since while I'm pretty sure they'd achieve their desired gross-out effect on anyone who sees them, a pair of sandals filled with feet...but no ankles, legs, trunk, and on up to go with them is an oddity in and of itself.
Ugly Feet Flip Flops, which I might also consider anti-theft flip flops, come in black, orange, blue, and pink color schemes - albeit all with the same watered-down-mustard toenails - and in sizes for everyone from the kiddos to Bigfoot himself.