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Killer Rabbit Slippers

By: on December 10, 2013
$39.99
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Beware ye who enter the the Cave of Caerbannog without backup in the form of cozy, yet stylish, footwear. Officially licensed by Monty Python--with a snarl-and-sap of approval from the Killer Rabbit himself--these snaggletoothed homicidal bunny slippers have a vicious streak a mile wide and a plush belly 98.6 degrees warm.

One size fits most, up to US men's size 12, and intimidates all. However, although the Killer Rabbit himself is not as cuddly or harmless as he appears, my sources tell me the Killer Rabbit slippers are tame, friendly, and housebroken. So feel free to wrap them up for children and people you don't want to see decapitated.

On the flip side, if you're looking for the perfect gift for someone you do not like, might I suggest this glove, a strategically placed humiliating magnetic bumper sticker, or an authentic, steaming pile of poo.

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Largemouth Bass Slippers

$15.99 - $22.69 from Amazon »

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

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Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds, 1953-2016

$50.97 from Amazon »

Did you know Marilyn Monroe was the first ever Playboy centerfold? It happened in 1953, and launched what would become Hugh Hefner's iconic Playmate of the Month title and spread. And I didn't know of this before. Clearly...

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Fresh Whole Rabbit

Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

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GoodFoot Temperature-Balancing Slippers

$65 from Unikia »

Not that it's not incredibly sexy when you caress the lady with whom you're entwined on the couch with a ripe and sweaty foot that makes her gag and recoil, or an ice block of a set of toes that makes her yelp and shoot...

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Talking Chewbacca Slippers

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Now Wookiee here, feet! I need to you pipe down for a second! This is a sneak attack on the glazed pumpkin old fashioneds while She-Ra: Princess of Power is in the bathroom. It's cool, though. It's a baker's dozen. Her...

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Kkika Rotating Acupressure Slippers

$22.95 from Amazon »

No pain, no gain, right? More precisely, in the world of acupressure and Kkika's Rotating Acupressure Slippers, it's no pain, no relief of pain....

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Microwaveable Slippers

$24.99 from Amazon »

Slippers. The most no-fail gift ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially...

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Giant Robot Slippers with Sound

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Perfect. I've been looking for some giant robot feet to go with my giant robot arms. And these are slippers? With Vrrrrrr-clank! Vrrrrrr-clank! sound effects? Did I say perfect? I meant better than perfect. I meant, like...

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Tank Slippers

$6.99 from Etsy »

Incoming! And this time, in addition to unleashing artillery, they're also unleashing the ripe, fishy odors of feet that have been sweating underneath an 8" thickness of woolen yarn! Tank Slippers, should you be up for...

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TI:ME Slipper Sneakers

$70 - $130 from TI:ME »

Total comfort and relaxation without looking like a hobbit. This is the objective of TI:ME slippers. Though I would contend that the Kickstarter project's soft-soled, plush-lined, yoga-matted, walking-on-Air Jordans go...

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Ministry of Silly Walks Watch

Sold Out from Amazon »

Even if you've never seen John Cleese perform the Monty Python skit leading to the creation of this terrific Ministry of Silly Walks watch--since I happen to be younger than my mama, I for one haven't--you can probably...