Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off
- Condor Kevlar Tactical Glove - $38.90
- Ninja Hand Claw Climbing Tiger Spikes - $11.65
- Spiketus Rex Backpack - $56.53
- Play Visions Spiky Gloves - $6.89
- Spiked Choker - $19.99
Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling the glove back off also means pulling a layer or two of skin off with it. The piece is recommended for philosophically-charged art and oddity collectors, the S&M crowd, and individuals whose intelligence is inversely proportional to their bank accounts.
Set the Thorns In Glove on an online marketplace shelf right next to Sh*t Gold Pills. Both items have expressed functions, and both presumably perform those functions as stated, but despite their fascinating novelty, uh, raise your hand if you want to be the sucker who tries out a piece of merchandise whose defining characteristics are: pricey; potentially dangerous; and limited to a single use. Because as far as I know, one can ingest and shit out the same $425 24K gold capsules only once, and unless the wearer Michael Jacksons it forever, the Thorns In Glove is either getting cut off and destroyed, or saturated with blood and tissue during removal.
Icelandic design firm Sruli Recht conceived and fabricated the thorn-lined glove with an exterior consisting of laser-cut Icelandic basking shark skin fused partly by hand-held needle, and partly by a Pfaff 1445, which I'm pretty sure is some sort of electric eel. Sruli Recht caps its Glove of Pain and Asset Misappropriation with the words, Lethal lethal, my right fist and its sequels. I don't really know what that means in this context, but it sounds frikkin' cool, and is definitely what I'm going to say instead of Thank you when I leave the checkout at the grocery store from now on.
Apparently, Iceland is a Mecca for thoughtfully bizarre art. Its natives are also responsible for Grass Knuckles and Skinned Cod Fish Lights.