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Temporary Eye Tattoos

By: on April 18, 2013
$4
from
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I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively high marks. My favorite design is the one with the stars because it reminds me of Wonder Woman and, in turn, hotness, and my second favorite is the one with the rainbow checkerboard pattern because it reminds me of a shirt AC Slater would wear with pleated, acid-washed jeans on Saved By the Bell.

Tattoos arrive affixed to stencils, and may be trimmed to fit individual eyes, provided you have a steady hand and are good at cutting things. I'm not kidding. Scissor skills are underrated. Every time I have to wrap a present or trim my chest hair I am reminded of this.

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Programmable Tattoo System

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

NOTE: To everyone who keeps emailing us to reveal "the truth" about this product, please conserve your time and effort; trust us, we are well aware of the month and day on which ThinkGeek released their groundbreaking...

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Pinky Queen Nipple Lightener (NSFW)

I understand that Pinky Queen nipple...pinkener?...is a boobie beauty tincture developed with a female customer base in mind. And I definitely think females with nipples that are splotchy, unsavorily-hued, or look like...

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Menaji CAMO Concealer for Men

$26 - $29 from Amazon »

Dudes, Menaji's CAMO Concealer for men will cover zits, dark under-eye circles, razor bumps, scars, and age spots to make you look like a pretty pony. With a side of fragrance-free so you won't smell like a pretty pony...

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Eidos Superhuman Senses Gear

To determine whether or not Eidos has grounds to call itself "superhuman" I forced the gear to undergo rigorous, yet fair, questioning and testing....

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

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Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

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Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

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Halloween Contact Lenses

$29.50 - $239.99 from Lens.com »

Minions will cower and tremble in fear when they meet the all-powerful GnarledJaggedPlaqueLaden Teeth Eyes! Hey, I get the appeal of colored and themed contact lenses, particularly for Halloween, cosplay, and other costumed...

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Magic Tatts 3D Animated Tattoos

Discontinued

Want to make your tattoos come to life without eating hallucinogenic fungi? Then trade the magic mushrooms for some Magic Tatts, temporary tattoos that interact with an accompanying iOS/Android app to create animated...

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HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

$21.99 from Amazon »

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier...