Body

Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette

$49.99 Amazon »

Hope the "Flamin' Hot" here indicates how you'll look, not how your eyeballs will feel, after applying shades from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette. I'd call this 12-strong makeup monstrosity of oranges and yellows...

Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream

$21.49 Amazon »

At first glance, Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream doesn't seem like the best gift for the holidays. Even for a white elephant party, since it's a serious product with a serious label that claims to do serious work on b.o...

OptiWand Pincher Contact Lens Insertion & Removal Tool

$18.99 Amazon »

I OptiWander how anyone could stick this contact lens plunger near their eyeball. Then again, since the alternative is a finger, I also OptiWander how anyone could wear contact lenses at all. One thing this dude do not...

Tear Stick to Make Yourself Cry

$20.99 Amazon »

When applied to the rims of the eyelids, the Kryolan Tear Stick generates big fat ones for the likes of actors, drama queens, and people who believe crying will get them out of speeding tickets, or into sold out shows...

Saucy Gloss - Applebee's Chicken Wing Sauce Lip Gloss

$18 Winky Lux »

This ain't no Sweet Baby Ray's, Applebee's sauce is the gloss. Applebee's wing sauce and Winky Lux Lip Gloss, to be precise, in this kooky, yet somehow charming, brand mashup in honor of National Chicken Wing Day and...

Clone-A-Willy Penis & Balls Molding Kit

$63.85 Amazon »

And you thought you had run out of good ideas for date night. The Clone-A-Willy Penis & Balls Molding Kit will put your relationship skills to the testes, requiring both partners to perform dick moves to assist one in...

Lucas' Papaw Ointment

$18.70 Amazon »

Don't worry, no grandpas were harmed in the making of Lucas' Papaw Ointment. In fact, the do-it-all skin treatment contains no grandpa parts at all, just natural, antibacterial, antimicrobial, Queensland-grown papaya...

Ginger Foot Pads for Detox & Better Sleep

$18.77 Amazon »

Ginger Foot Pads give new meaning to the expression, "Sleep it off." Or attempt to, anyway - reviews are mixed on how well these overnight detoxifiers really work...

TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit

$32.75 Amazon »

Just one question about the TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit: does it come in gold?...

Bath N Bailey Works Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve

$16 Etsy »

Hot time, summer in the city / If you get burnt, ain't gonna look pretty. But maybe it will hurt a smidge less after you rub on some of Bath N Bailey Works' Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve...

Woo More Play Sensual Massage Oil Candle

Sold Out Amazon »

I'm not really sure why Woo More Play's sensual massage oil candle is named "Eat Me Out for Once." As far as I can tell, the muscle-rubbin' lube the melting wax of the candle produces is scented with sandalwood, papyrus...

Face Mask Extender & Ear Saver Straps

$8.99 Amazon »

I bought a set of these Face Mask Extender & Ear Saver Straps at the end of August, and my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, and I have probably worn them for over 24 cumulative hours each since then. I don't use them...

Dripstick After-Sex Cleanup Sponge

$2 - $95 Awkward Essentials »

Welp, I'll give Dripstick credit for one thing: it puts on no heirs when it calls itself a "cum sponge." Yeesh. That description makes the Sperm Towel seem downright prude...

The Tinkle Belle - Device for Ladies to Stand & Pee

$27.50 Amazon »

It appears the Tinkle Belle, a urination device ladies can use to stand (and stay fully clothed!) and pee, was developed for hiking and camping, maybe porta-potty use at festivals and sporting events. But I say, if you...

Candy Nipple Tassels (NSFW)

$9.60 Amazon »

If I buy my wife some of these Candy Nipple Tassels, I wonder if she'll let me call her "Sugar tits." Hold on, let me ask. ... ... OK, so that's a confirmed no...

Finger Love Glove

$38.99 - $39.99 Amazon »

I'll take two fingers of whiskey and one finger up my ass, please. The Finger Love Glove - which I, for once, tamed down in name from Finger F*ck Glove - looks like toys fidget and sex have come together to help you and...

Pit Liquor - All-Natural Whiskey & Vodka Deodorant

$9.95 - $19.95 Pit Liquor »

I always knew whiskey and vodka made me feel good, but who knew they could make me smell good too? Pit Liquor is a line of deodorants - deodorant cocktails, if you will - that use overproof whiskey and vodka as their...

TEMPTU Airbrush Self-Tanning System

$194.22 Amazon »

TEMPTU tempts us into the mists of its airbrush self-tanning system with the promise that we'll "Look on vacation indefinitely!" Hmmm. If they could somehow change that "Look" to a "Be," I'd be all in. But I'm a little...

LED Eyelashes with Lighting Effects

I don't know who gets more blinded by the light with these LED eyelashes, the person wearing them or the person seeing them, but hopefully no one gets too robbed of their sight, because the light and lighting effects...

PATCH Zero Waste Bamboo Bandages

$5.98 - $19.49 Amazon »

Patch up your wounds without gouging, stinging, cutting, scraping, burning, or blistering the environment with PATCH bandages, first aid adhesive strips strips made from bamboo fiber that create zero waste post-use. PATCH...

ShieldPod Wearable Protective Barrier

$49.99 Amazon »

Who's in the market for an XXXXXL condom...for your entire upper body? The ShieldPod is a "wearable protective barrier" from Under the Weather, who have appeared to pivot their line of sit-down wearable rain and bug shields...

Fake Freckle Pens

$7.99 Amazon »

Oh the changing whims of beauty! Seems like just yesterday everyone was buying makeup to hide their freckles, and now we have Freckle Pens made specifically to help dot on fake ones. Ladies, I don't know how you keep...

SPOTMYUV Stickers - Detect When to Reapply Sunscreen

$14.99 - $34.99 Amazon »

As if it's not bad enough my mama still nags me to wear sunscreen, now she's gonna slap a SPOTMYUV sticker detector on me everytime I go to her house so she can nag me to reapply it. SPOTMYUV is a color-changing UV detection...

Bath Diamond Bioluminescent Bath Bombs & Salt Soaks

$48 - $72 Bath Diamond »

Bathe in diamonds and roses. No, not literally, but with Bath Diamond bioluminescent bath bombs and salt soaks, figuratively is even better. Figuratively means you still get to submerge yourself in a tub of hot water...