Security

Firemask Emergency Escape Hood

Discontinued

I feel like, for the average American, the likelihood of experiencing a house fire is way higher than the likelihood of experiencing a nuclear biological chemical situation, but it's gas masks that get all the bug out...

Wine Bottle Fire Extinguisher

$149.95 from Wine Enthusiast »

Bad news: this Wine Bottle Fire Extinguisher is not a real wine bottle. Good news: it is a real fire extinguisher. I got my mama one for Christmas and it has all the same heft and handles and gauges as the traditional...

Concealed Storage Mirror

Sold Out from Amazon »

Ladies, no mirror will dare say Snow White is the fairest of them all when it catches wind of what you're ready to pull out from behind its glass. This 60" wall-mounted red herring conceals a full-length storage cabinet...

First Alert 2-Story Escape Ladder

$31.08 from Amazon »

If you don't live in a high-rise building, and you're not Tom Cruise jonesing for stunt work at 53, you don't need to spend the money on a rescue parachute or rappelling system to be prepared in

The Red Herring Secret Safe

If the number of Air Vent Safes you have installed in your house is starting to look a little fishy, balance out the trickery and keep your valuables just as secure locked inside Console Vault's Red Herring Wall Safe...

Air Vent Hidden Safe with RFID Lock

Sold Out from Amazon »

Tough tamales if you're looking for air circulation this summer, but here at least your cash, Glock, and Chewbacca bandolier signed by all passengers of the Millennium Falcon will be hidden away and protected. It's Quick...

Audio Jammer with White Noise Generator

Discontinued

I'm not a spy and I'm not up to no good. Relatively speaking. But what I am is a man who values his privacy. A man who doesn't need his mama bugging his room with some sensor system she bought off QVC to listen to him...

Tactical Walls Inserts & Concealment Covers

$120 - $490 from Tactical Walls »

Although the word "tactical" has become as overused as the word "awesome", Tactical Walls reminds us there are still times when it can be applied meaningfully and justifiably. And also awesomely. Tactical Walls are inserts...

FakeTV Burglar Deterrent

Discontinued

Home automation, cameras that let you play with your dog while you're at work, smartphone-controlled burglar alarms...I just want something simple. Something Kevin McCallister would have put to good use in Home Alone...

Scout HD Security Camera

The makers of Atticus Finch's favorite home security system, Scout, are expanding their family. One of their forthcoming arrivals, the Scout HD Camera, is a 1080p, WiFi-enabled, "burglar-beating machine" intended to simply...

Door Jammer Portable Security Device

Discontinued

I've always liked the simplicity and practicality of that Add-a-Lock portable door lock, but this Door Jammer device looks even easier to use. Just wedge it under any inward opening door and give it a kick. It also appears...

Biometric Safe

$462.47 from Amazon »

It's pretty simple: your valuables; your safe; your fingerprint. BARSKA's biometric guardian of cash, firearms, last wills and testaments, and treasures you stole from Smaug allows keyless access only to those with the...

iFingerLock - Fingerprint Padlock

Sold Out from Amazon »

I have exactly two recurring dreams. One is about 12th grade calculus and my having to take a final exam even though I did not realize I was signed up for the class, and the other is about not being able to remember my...

Nest Protect Semi-Pleasant Smoke Alarm

Discontinued

I'm not on the best of terms with my smoke alarm. First it fell from the ceiling and went off. Then I left a few pounds of bacon in the skillet for too long and it went off. Then I had this girl over to watch Major League...

August Digital Door Lock

$92.15 from Amazon »

We've seen a lot of smartphone-controlled devices taking on home security lately--from the Scout full home security system to DoorBot, a camera-digital locking system combo that shows who's at the door and allows homeowners...

Door Stop Alarm

$10.99 from Amazon »

This 120 dB door stop alarm could be good for traveling I guess, but if all the mean-spirited friends and family members I know figured out I was using one to protect my bedroom from their snooping eyes and fingers, I...

Scout - Hassle-Free Home Security System

Sold Out from Amazon »

ADT had better either step up its game or get ready for retirement because with all of the user-controlled, smartphone-based home security systems trickling onto the market it won't be long now until third-party remote...

Pacsafe Anti-Theft Bag & Backpack Mesh

$56.95 - $99.99 from Amazon »

Even secured inside a Pacsafe, I'm not sure I'd tie my backpack up to, say, a bike rack or a telephone pole and take off on a tour of Prague luggage-free for the afternoon, but I do approve of the eXomesh-cage-and-lock...

The Brief Safe

$19.99 from Amazon »

Uh, those are gross. And while I know gross is the fundamental point of a poo-stained pair of briefs with a hidden, Velcro-sealed compartment in the fly...dude...those are gross. And it gets worse: according to The Brief...

Laser Tripwire

Discontinued

If you just want people to keep the F out, get an Add-a-Lock. But if you want them to believe for a split second that they have successfully encroached your space, only to disrupt the blaze of an invisble light that in...

Canary - User-Controlled Smart Home Security

$177.49 - $194.95 from Amazon »

Sandy D. Dude Product Tipped us off to the Canary user-controlled smart home security device with the pitch that it "will phone you if it notices unusual activity in your home," and, if that's not enough of a draw, you...

Throwable Fire Extinguisher

They call it a reverse Molotov cocktail, nomenclature I find very slick, and thereby reason enough to invest in a throwable fire extinguisher. Plus, although I'm normally more one to fan the flames, I also recognize that...

Add-A-Lock Portable Door Lock

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Add-A-Lock does one better than the portable intruder alarm: it won't just alert you when your one night stand tries to sneak back into your bedroom to sucker you into a committed, long-term relationship during which...

Burglar Blaster

Burglar Blaster, the DIY Home Security System, Scenario 1: It's late. You're in the living room watching your DVR of Michigan about to bone it in the tournament after two rounds of respectable action (sorry, Cornelius...