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Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

By: on December 03, 2015
$10.20
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They say this Charlie Brown Christmas Tree is a nice reminder that the holidays are all about love, but I say it's an even nicer way to eliminate the time, hassle, and mess it takes to buy and put up a real tree. What a pain in Santa's fat gut that is. Hmmm, 8' noble fir hauled home on the roof of my car or 24" erection of wire and plastic delivered in the mail? Spending 4 hours unloading a tree, screwing it into a base, and decorating it, or spending 5 minutes unbending, inserting, and slapping on a lone red globe? Needles everywhere or needles nowhere? It's not a hard choice for me. Sure, the smell of a real evergreen is nice, but it's 2015. They have that in a bottle now.

Plus, Charlie Brown's tree comes with a Linus blanket.

Plus, I won't be killing a real tree like all of you other ax murderers out there.

The Peanuts special Christmas Tree is available in 14" and 24" sizes, with some assembly required to attach its meager limbs to the criss-cross wood base.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere....

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Kobayashi Mug

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The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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The Illuminator - Instant Light Projector

$39.99 - $49.99 from Amazon »

Thousands of decorative lights from the palm of my hand to the branches of my trees, or spans of my walls in minutes. Minutes. Without the hassle of knotted wires. Without the danger of ladders. Without the frustration...

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The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

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AvoSeedo - Grow an Avocado Tree

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Hit the guacamole jackpot with the AvoSeedo. This plastic tool serves as a base for growing your own avocado tree at home. The best part: true to nature's form, it takes an avocado to make an avocado, so you'll need to...

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Flexing Arnold Rear Window Wiper Decal

$29.99 from House of Grafix »

It may take the sun to bring your guns out, but Schwarzenegger's here to flex his bad boys come dumping rain, sideways sleet, or blizzard of snow. Courtesy of House of Grafix, you can plaster Arnold in His Prime across...

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Bob Ross Funko Pop Figure

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Funko has decided to turn Bob Ross into one of their Pop! figures. Finally, Ross! You had to wait 22 years after your death to receive this honor, but, as it does when painting happy little clouds and trees, patience...

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Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

$64 from Xyrena »

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance...

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Mistaken Lyrics Coasters

$25 - $30 from Amazon »

We've all done it. We've all badgered someone else for doing it. And really, song lyrics misheard, mistaken, and butchered are almost always more fun than what the artists are actually singing anyway....

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Granberg Chainsaw Mill

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If someone twisted my arm put me into a Half Nelson and demanded I select some form of manual labor as my Sunday Funday activity, Granberg's Chainsaw Mill would be my first choice....

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LED Snow Flurry Projection Light

$71.97 from Amazon »

Oh the trouble Clark Griswold could have saved himself if only he'd gone on Christmas vacation in the 2010s. Nowadays one little green box fitted with one pint-sized disco ball connected to one tiny projector are all...