Ka-Bar Tactical Spork
See, it's a fork-spoon combo up top with a...knife!...that pulls out from the handle. And--and!--it's black. Ka-Bar's Tactical Spork is a tactical tool for tactical eating if I've ever seen one. Imagine the stealth and precision with which I'll be able to slice my Twinkies and slurp my Spaghetti-Os at 2 a.m. when my girlfriend is sound asleep dreaming of all the rewards she's going to give me next month after I've conquered her Fall Back into Good Habits Diet Plan.
The Ka-Bar Tactical utensil has an overall length of 6.875", with a 2.5" serrated knife blade at the handle.