Kinkajou Bottle Cutter

By: on June 23, 2012
Check It Out

Kinkajou. The word sounds like it applies to a precocious, yet cuddly, mammalian sidekick that sits on your shoulder and surreptitiously swipes peoples' two-bite brownies and tubes of lip gloss during walks through the park. However, like Pomeranians, kinkajous are actually vicious, bear-like beasts with razor-sharp teeth capable of slicing perfect perforations through thick layers glass. "Kinkajou", therefore, is a balls-on accurate name for Patrick Lehoux's Kickstarter project, a compact, easily-applied glass bottle cutter.

Beer bottles, liquor bottles, wine bottles, fancy Perrier and Voss water bottles, any glass vessel whose contents have been sucked dry are contenders for Kinkajou bifurcation. And although the Kinkajou concept is not original--the market currently supports several different bottle cutters--Lehoux contends that its size, manageability, and aesthetics set it apart from other bulky, less intuitive devices.

Still, cleaving glass is a project. Even the Kinkajou can't turn a handle of Captain Morgan from rum bottle to beer stein in one fell swoop. Though called a bottle cutter, what the Kinkajou actually does is score its glass. Once the wheel is affixed and tightened, a single slow turn of the bottle creates horizontal hash marks that smoothly separate the two halves when the bottle is doused in alternating boiling and cold water. Following the split, it is also necessary to sand the sharp edge of the portion to be retained with varying grit levels of sandpaper (corresponding to one's desired finish.) My guess is that the entire process takes anywhere from an hour to 3 months depending on your level of proficiency and attention span.

A $50 pledge on Kickstarter returns a Standard Kinkajou Kit for slicing and dicing keepsake glasses from wedding wine bottles, creating vases or decorative pieces from favorite vodkas, or a fashioning a My First Hangover tumbler set from the circus show of liquors that had me heaving up stomach lining in a mulberry bush at the tender age of 15. Kinkajou color choices are currently Bright White or Deep Black, and Standard Kits also come with 3 pieces of 80-grit silicon carbide sandpaper. Higher level pledges include more Kinkajous, additional pieces and grits of sandpaper, starter stencils, and a bottle of glass etching cream.

UPDATE: The Kinkajou Bottle Cutter project ran on Kickstarter through July 8, 2012. Its funding was successful, and Kinkajous have gone into full production, and are now available for standard consumer purchase.

Buy Now

Nimble Finger Blade

$18.95 from Amazon »

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack run your finger blade through that gift wrap like a laser cutter through a sheet of acrylic. The Nimble Safety Cutter slips over a finger - any one of them, you pick - and allows you...

Buy Now

Embrava Best Ever Water Bottle

$37.95 from Amazon »

Embrava's water bottle is hands down (and bottoms up) the best water bottle I've ever owned. I'll grant, whether you agree with me or not depends on what you're looking for in a water bottle, but if we have similar requirements...

Buy Now

Air Hammer Compressed Air Tool

$40.46 from Amazon »

The Air Hammer from Ingersoll Rand uses compressed air to deliver a 2-5/8" stroke and 3,500 blows per minute. It comes with a 3-piece chisel set to, uh, drive the job home. Use it to cut metal, fix exhaust systems, and...

Buy Now

Jagdkommando Knife

Sold Out from Amazon »

If you're looking to stab someone in the back, knife them in the heart, or just royally screw them over, Microtech's MCT1057 Jagdkommando fixed blade knife is the definitive way to do it. A version of the manufacturer's...

Check it out

Zombie Hammer Survival Tools

$79.95 - $139.95 from Zombie Hammer »

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Check it out

The Cache Belt

$25 - $95 from Wazoo Survival Gear »

Sometimes you need a fishing hook in the middle of Denali. Sometimes you need a bottle opener in the middle of a Monday morning meeting. The Cache Belt can help you out with both lifesavers in both spots. Plus a needle...

Buy Now

Off-Grid Knives Stout Drop Point Blade

$34.95 from Amazon »

I don't think Off-Grid Knives named their Stout Drop Point Blade after the beer. The "Fat Boy" blade is 2.25" x 1.3" wide and weighs an Eric Cartman (i.e., beefy) 5.29 ounces. Off-Grid says their little chub is "built...

Buy Now

Schrade SCHA5B M.A.G.I.C. Folding Knife

$29.75 from Amazon »

The Schrade SCHA5B M.A.G.I.C. folding knife listing neglects to explain its M.A.G.I.C. acronym, so at first I thought maybe it didn't stand for anything, that the caps and dots are just there for their imposing, visual...

Buy Now

Knork Matte Black Titanium Flatware

$30.62 from Amazon »

Modern, industrial, functional, and Black. Knork's set of matte black flatware brings the company's combo cutlery concept to the Dark Side....

Check it out

Belt Buckle Knife

$65 - $95 from Bowen Knife Company »

Well I just hope the sheaths in Bowen's blade-wielding belts are secure and hefty enough to preclude any potential slippage or puncturing in the vicinity of the most important part of my body. The last thing I need from...

Check it out

Throwing Card Knives


Watermelons. You poor bastards. Always on the receiving end of novelty weapon violence. The Gotcha Cap. The Unbreakable Slugger Umbrella. The Blade Driver Crossbow. And now...the Queen of Hearts. That bitch....

Check it out

M48 Cyclone Fixed Blade Knife

It's probably nowhere near the Jagdkommando knife in performance, but on the (very far) upshot, the M48 Cyclone fixed blade knife is also nowhere near the Jagdkommando in price....