Sriracha Candy Canes
Is it too early to be talking about candy canes? Most likely. But I join the Targets and Macy's (Macy'ses?) of the world in shoving Christmas down your throat immediately after Halloween only because I care about you. I care about your opportunity to acquire a dozen candy canes laced with the sweet slow burn of sriracha before they disappear. Before all of the other masochists looking for 6" of mild taste bud torture buy them out. Before Santa decides that perverting an icon of his essence and using it to teach kids a lesson about the overconsumption of sugar goes against the spirit of Christmas and bans them.
Sriracha candy canes retain the innocuous appearance of your average striped-and-hooked holiday treat. But peel back their plastic and take a lick...and say hello to the flame of hell or two that have sneaked their way into peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Mmm, rooster approved.
If you're beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, be sure to check out Dude's Christmas Gift Guide for a whole fat man's sack of ideas for holiday swag, parties, and decor.