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Satan's Blood Hot Sauce

By: on July 25, 2016
$14.42
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Satan's Blood Hot Sauce comes in a "blood vial shaped bottle with 800,000 Scoville units of pepper extract." Yeah, I can see that. I can also see a cock & balls ready to spew a scorching, blinding, fiery-hot death onto my carne asada tacos. Both sound like hell.

Which is why I recommend you take maker Sauce Crafters' advice and buy a bottle of Satan's Blood as a collectible rather than a condiment. Or a gag gift. Revenge would be OK too.

The 1.35-ounce bottle contains a devilish blend of chile extract and red wine vinegar.

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Handmade Creepy Beer Mugs

$55 - $150 from Etsy »

Jo Scravis makes creepy beer mugs. You can use them as coffee mugs too, but I for one wouldn't want to look Horrible Hal Zombie or Angry Fanged Critter in the eye first thing in the morning, before I've had any caffeine....

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Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip

Sold Out from Paqui »

Betcha can't eat just one. Maybe not even one bite. Paqui says its Carolina Reaper Madness Chip is made with the hottest chile pepper on earth, and possibly in all the circles of hell. It's so hot they package them in...

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Refillable Sriracha Keychain

$14.99 from Amazon »

I know there are a few problems with this Sriracha keychain. Like in addition to enabling me to deliberately put Sriracha on my breakfast burritos and Philly cheese dips on the go, it's also going to enable me to inadvertently...

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Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice

$9.99 from Amazon »

I've been waiting to show you this can of Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice. Waiting for the season of PSL, and Pumpkin Spice everything else, to arrive. My coffee run this morning confirmed it has. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Pumpkin...

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SpiceStack Spice Organizer

$29.99 - $38.92 from Amazon »

SpiceStack is a rack that tucks away your herbs on tidy shelves when you don't need them, and then flips them down for easy viewing and easier access when you do. And for once, I'm talking about the herbs that go in your...

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Zach's Sprayable Wing Sauce

I had the best grilled chicken wings I ever ate on Super Bowl Sunday in Charleston, SC this year. Then the next day I got grilled chicken wings at a different spot and they became the best chicken wings I ever ate. Charleston...

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Pokemon Pokeball Herb Grinder

$7.74 from Amazon »

Time to grind me some Pokemon! What, no? That's not how the game works? Then what am I supposed to do with this Pokeball Grinder?...

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Fuego Box Craft Hot Sauce Club

Light up Father's Day with a Fuego Box craft hot sauce club subscription for Dad. Dad can't take the heat? No problem. Fuego has a Mellow Box 3-pack ($29.95) in their collection of hot sauce gifts too. You can save the...

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Demon Hooves Heel Less Boots

Sold Out from Etsy »

I guess I can kind of see now why some people are turned on by goats. Oonacat's Demon Hooves, a pair of spiked, knee-high boots with cloven foot pads in place of typical toes and heels are pretty sick. I mean in the good...

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Sriracha Seasoning Stix

$14.99 from Sriracha Stix »

Mmmmm, impalement coming soon to steak near you. Sriracha Seasoning Stix are solidified pokers of the iconic rooster sauce--the hot cock's hot cock, if you will--made to spice up your meat prior to cooking. Press a few...

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Darth Vader Grinder

$8.21 from Amazon »

Who'd-a thought Darth Vader could grind? It looks like the Dark Lord has added pulverizing your favorite herbs and spices with an Exorcist-caliber 360-degree spin of his head to existing his repertoire of menacing, saber...

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Ghost Pepper Honey

$14.99 from Geddes Farms »

And she looked at you and said, "You want your honey? Oh, this bitch is about to give you your honey." I think that's the inspiration behind Geddes Farms' Ghost Pepper Honey. The retaliation might not go quite as planned...