The Lawn Mower Manscaping Electric Trimmer

Discontinued

The first scene in the video for the Lawn Mower 2.0 electric trimmer for manscaping is pretty much exactly what I'd envision the Lawn Mower 2.0 would do to my private regions if I used it: the Happy Trail becomes the...

Firecracker Mini Double Action OTF Knives

Discontinued

Dude 1 wants to take it out back, Dude 2 flashes a Firecracker Mini out the front, and together they decide to buy each other a beer and just stay inside. Firecracker Mini Double Action OTF Knives: Creating Spontaneous...

The Luminous Electronic Bargraph Nixie Tube Clock

$179 Etsy »

Sorry, make that The Luminous Electronic Bargraph Nixie Tube Clock, Timer, and Sound Level Meter. Nuvitron has built their repurposed Soviet-era Nixie tubes into a piece of retro-futuristic desktop art that can do it...

Vesper Vibrator Necklace

$69 - $150 Uncommon Goods »

Oooh, the Vesper Vibrator Necklace also comes in a 24K gold version in case you're still compiling your adults only Easter basket, or need a gift for Mother's Day...

Aquaphoric Self-Watering Planter

Sold Out Amazon »

I bet I could still kill a plant inside an Aquaphoric Self-Watering Planter. A Fiber Soil planting medium and easy-to-read water gauge are no match for my black thumb (i.e., forgetfulness, laziness, and general ignorance.)...

The Dirty Cookie Shots

Sold Out Amazon »

In theory, buying The Dirty Cookie's Cookie Shots is way more expensive than buying a Milk & Cookie Shot Maker and baking the chocolate-lined cow-juice-and-booze-slingin' treats yourself. But remember, time is money...

Kokopelli Rogue-lite Packraft

$825 Kokopelli »

If you want to pack a raft on your next adventure, you're going to have to get rid of something to make more room. Here, how about this roll of paper towels? Kokopelli's Rogue-lite Packraft, the newest and lightest in...

Rain Wizard Rain Barrel

$125 - $149.99 Amazon »

You might be saying, Rain, rain, go away now, but how's it going to be in July and August, when you see nary a drop from the sky, and the municipality puts a watering ban on lawns and gardens? The Rain Wizard Rain Barrel...

Show your favorite adults the Easter Bunny didn't just hoppity-hop (or buzzity-buzz, or strokety-stroke, as the case may be) right past them preoccupied with candies and toys and plastic grass for the kiddos this year. The parents of those kiddos, and the 18-and-over crowd in general, deserve baskets...

Eagle Creek Migrate Duffel Bag

$95.38 - $99 Amazon »

Eagle Creek's Migrate Duffel Bags get their water repellent coating, and glassy sheen, from windshield plastics the outdoor brand has recovered from landfills in Asia. The series of adventure bags comes in 90L (shown...

Vollebak Black Squid Color-Shifting Jacket

$995 Vollebak »

Vollebak's Black Squid Jacket, a color-shifting ski coat modeled after its namesake's adaptive camouflage, follows the futuristic clothing brand's efforts to turn world's thinnest material, graphene, and world's hottest...

Gravity Cooling Weighted Blanket

$259 Gravity »

Gravity Weighted Blankets were some of the first therapeutic sleep and anxiety comforters to gain national attention, and send weighted blankets into the mainstream, when they ran a Kickstarter campaign a couple of years...

World's Smallest Super Soaker

$6 Amazon »

Ahaha! The growing bald spot on the back of my friend Cornelius' head will never see me coming with the World's Smallest Super Soaker! Oh yes, dudes, this 4" squirt gun is real, and it's headed straight for your thumbs...

SEGA Genesis Mini

$198.99 Amazon »

Did Sega want to make a SEGA Genesis Mini console, or did they just feel compelled to follow financial suit after Nintendo and PlayStation did it? A little something for the fans and, uh, collectors of miniatures?...

Deconstructed Cargo Pants

Discontinued

Deconstructed Cargo Pants. Deconstructed, indeed. Like shorts with a whole train of dingleberries...

Flat Earth Snow "Globe"

$26.99 Firebox.com »

A giant blizzard snows down on this 100% accurate replica of how Earth looks from space, depicting both the rightness of flat earthers, and proving there's no such thing as global warming! So suck it, sheeple!...

Self Defense UFC Ears

Sold Out Amazon »

Live in a sketchy neighborhood? Getting bullied at school? UFC Ears are a simple and cheap self defense tool for people concerned for their personal safety in any location or environment...

Bella Dolls Sex Doll Brothel (NSFW)

$55 - $185 Bella Dolls »

That's right, a sex doll brothel. Owned by a husband and wife team, Bella Dolls currently operates out of Vancouver, BC, though if you're closer to the Kamloops, BC area, you can partake in House of Dolls, their sex doll...

What happened in March 2019? Spring hit. The Madness of the NCAA hit. Blah, blah, blah politics. Oh, and I showed you a hose for your wiener you can use to take a whizz in the car. Plus a coin purse designed especially for bitch slapping. A carbon fiber Bugatti. A flying motorcycle. A butt pillow...

Master Carver Meerschaum Pipes

$75 - $625 Amazon »

I'm not sure I'd want to put anything in these Master Carver Meerschaum Pipes and smoke it - they're just so intricate and byoo-tee-ful. And expensive. What if tobacco, or the stanky green stuff, ruined it?...

Surf Ears 3.0 - Water Out Sound in Ear Plugs

Sold Out Amazon »

SurfEars 3.0 earplugs let you cut off the insides of your ears from the flow of water without cutting them off from the sounds in and around it. Developed by a cold water surfer who suffered an ear infection during a...

Parasoles - 3D Recovery Socks with Polymer Soles

$55 Parasoles »

While I haven't tried Parasoles myself, I have seen the funky sock-shoes in action on another dude at my gym. He flippin'-tires loves them. Always tries to get me to try them on and see for myself, but uh, these so-called...

Nite Ize RunOff Waterproof Wallet

Sold Out Amazon »

The Nite Ize RunOff Waterproof Wallet helps you hike, paddle, sail, and hoof it 2 miles back to your hotel in the pouring rain assured that your valuables are safe and dry inside its impermeable TPU walls and IPX7-rated...

Banana Hamster Hammock

Sold Out Amazon »

A banana hamster hammock?! Oh boy, between banana hammocks and hamsters up the butthole I almost don't even know where to start!...