Security

Fake Charger Plug Diversion Safe

$9.99 Amazon »

In case you were wondering about the authenticity and integrity of this Fake Charger Plug Diversion Safe, its makers will have you know, it is made of "fine quality plastic." Which might not be as strong and durable as...

Doorricade Door Security Bar

$98.95 Amazon »

Dooricade: for your front door. For your back door. For your bedroom door. For your bathroom door. It's a door security bar for anywhere you are that you want those on the other side to know You! Shall! Not! Pass!...

Master Lock Bluetooth Outdoor Padlock

$127.31 Amazon »

The Master Lock Bluetooth Outdoor Padlock opens sesame using your smartphone and the Master Lock Vault Home or Master Lock Vault Enterprise app. So, yeah, that means you must have your smartphone and the app on hand...

ABLOY PL362 Padlock

$360 Amazon »

Wish I could put an ABLOY PL362 Padlock on all my valuables stored on the internet. Credit cards, online banking, home security camera feeds, password manager, PornHub viewing history. That last one mostly for my wife...

FireSafe Outlets

FireSafe Outlets were developed by a New York City firefighter who's battled enough electrical fires to make your hair stand on end. Replacing the covers of your existing home or office outlets, FireSafe Outlets detect...

Protected By F Around and Find Out Home Security Sign

$35 - $45 Amazon »

I'm not sure if this Protected By F Around and Find Out Home Security Sign will prevent thieves from breaking into your house, or encourage them to do it. I mean, some people just can't pass up a challenge. And others...

StaySafe 5-in-1 Fire Extinguisher

Sold Out Amazon »

I wonder if one of the 5 types of fire this StaySafe 5-in-1 Fire Extinguisher is made to put out is the one currently raging in my throat. Dudes, the main thing I did over America's birthday weekend is catch Covid, and...

ShelterCube Extreme - Above-Ground Emergency Shelter

Sold Out Amazon »

I sure hope I never need to use a ShelterCube Extreme, but after what I "anonymously" mailed my tight-ass boss, I feel like maybe a storm's a-comin'...

Box Gobbler Through-Wall Package Drop Door

$1,895 - $2,545 MB Sentinel »

Hey, if you're willing to install a special door for your pets, why not a special door for your packages? The Box Gobbler from MS Sentinel could prove to be at least as valuable, saving you from porch pirates and weather-exposed...

Light Bulb Diversion Safe

$19.99 Amazon »

Someone had a real...light bulb moment with this one. The Secret Stash Light Bulb Diversion Safe sheds new light on the redesign of common household items into decoy storage spaces, and aims to ensure your valuables and...

Autoblow Decoy Safe

$39 Autoblow »

Funny, functional, dare I say Autoblow's take on the decoy safe is ingenious? Dirty Santa is lickin' his chops for this season's gift exchange...

Phoenix Home Shield - Pepper Gel with UV Dye

$39.99 Amazon »

Phoenix Home Shield supports your quest to protect yourself from home intruders, carjackers, and grizzly bears. A pepper gel rather than a pepper spray, Phoenix Home Shield is designed to send a long-range stream of stay-the-F-away...

Blink Outdoor Wire-Free Security Camera & Floodlight

$139.98 Amazon »

Blink and you might miss it, but your Blink Floodlight and Outdoor system, a wire-free security camera and pair of 700-lumen motion-triggered LED lights, will see, and record, it all for you...

Super Wide Peephole for Viewing Up to 7' Away

$46.99 - $69.07 Amazon »

I guess the question is, why get a Door Scope super wide peephole for peeping peeps at your front door from up to 7' away when you could just get a Ring Doorbell or a Wyze Camera, or at least an LCD panel digital peephole?...

Shelter-in-Place Earthquake Essentials Kit

Sold Out Amazon »

Welp, I guess the Shelter-in-Place Earthquake Essentials Kit is about as prepared as you can get for an earthquake. The one natural disaster that strikes with no warning, no chance of escape, no possibility for mitigation...

The Space Safe - High-Tech Smart Safe

$599.99 The Space Safe »

They could have called the Space Safe the Safe Space, and it would have been more accurate since, aside from the brand's astronaut logo, this high-tech smart safe has nothing to do with outer space. It does, however...

Seismic Alert Earthquake Alarm & Safety Device

$59.99 Amazon »

While we're on the topic of how 2021 has to be so much better than 2020, let's talk about earthquakes. This Seismic Alert earthquake alarm from GatherWay detects "geomagnetic abnormalities," flashing red and making a...

Alarm Signaling Device - Intruder Trip Line Booby Trap

$25 Amazon »

Set booty traps with the Alarm Signaling Device, an intruder-... Dude, it's "booby traps." That's what I said! Booby traps! God. These guys! So like I was saying, set booby traps with the Alarm Signaling Device, an intruder...

Panasonic HomeHawk Window Home Security Camera

$149.95 Amazon »

Panasonic is expanding its HomeHawk home security system series this summer with the HomeHawk Window, a monitoring camera that installs in, uh, your home window. You know, facing out...

HAVEN Connect Floor-Mounted Smart Door Lock

Discontinued

A deadbolt alternative for your doors, the HAVEN Connect smart lock mounts to the floor just inside the threshold to provide a doorstop-style fortification at the door's strongest point - its base. According to HAVEN...

Safety Light Curtains - Security Sensors & Alarm

$185 Amazon »

Safety Light Curtains could be the newest addition to my PPE. Face Mask: check. Hand sanitizer: check. Thermometer and O2 pulse oximeter: check. Motion sensitive light grating that sounds an alarm when someone breaches...

99-Hour Timer Lock

$29.99 Amazon »

Kids need punishing? Willpower need a boost? This 99-hour timer lock - well, actually 99 hours and 59 minutes timer lock - will buy you 4+ days of isolation from anything from phones and gaming consoles to booze and bags...

Pelican Emergency Lighting Station

$46.43 Amazon »

The Pelican Emergency Lighting Station is a safety precaution guaranteed for life. Unless, of course, you suffer an emergency that doesn't require a 378-lumen flashlight with a beam distance of up to 640'. Like an alien...

Havenshield Door Barricade

$599 Havenshield »

The Havenshield Door Barricade is a home security device for quickly blocking interior access to intruders. It installs over any standard door in your home (or office or classroom) like a wreath. Not exactly a bearer...