Gear

I remember the first time I saw Daryl Hannah walking naked around the Statue of Liberty in Splash. I thought I would have an erection for the rest of my life. But then later in the movie, when she's mermaided out in the...

Emson Electric's indoor pressure smoker sears, cooks, and cold smokes up to 4 pounds of food at a time. Rrraawwrr! Dinner for 1 is served! In up to 70% less time than it would be if infused with the savory breath of a...

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want...

Looks like James Bond and Data from The Goonies are finally making good on that collaboration they've been talking about. What we have here is a smartwatch-controlled pistol. A gun that will fire only if it is within...

Previously we saw the Papilla, a USB-heated lunchbox for leftover and homemade dish reheating computer-side. It's pretty cool, but still lives only in concept so you can't buy one. However, if you're willing to swap USB...

Those of you who follow the detailed accounts I provide of my illustrious life now know that I have racked up many hundreds of dollars in unpaid parking tickets. So many hundreds that you could technically upgrade the...

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

390 FPS, 21-1/2" long barrel, 13-1/2" short barrel, 1,700-round magazine capacity...I don't think I'd even shoot my friend Cornelius in the ass with one of these things to try to get on Tosh.0. The Echo1 M134 MiniGun...

FIN is a thumb ring. It's way less intimidating than a pinky ring, but if intimidation isn't your primary motive, FIN can do several hi-tech, gadgety things, some of which you may find even more useful than making the...

Oh good, dog sledding is now available for suburbia in July. It's a Dog. Powered. Scooter. For canine exercise? Sure. To enhance mobility of the elderly? Sounds good. So that I can be the one guy in town who travels by...

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day...

Listen, I approve of anything that will prevent a cat from slashing up my face just because I had the nerve to pet it after it came and laid down on my head. But I feel like some crazy cat people...well, let's call them...

Plate Dip Clips attach to plates and hold dip. So it won't bleed all over your food before you're ready for it, or nuzzle up to items it isn't meant to touch, or run amok on the flat plate surface and become more of a...

What kind of mad Japanese scientist concoction is in these Baropacks that makes them boil water with no supplemental heating element? No fire, no gas, no electricity, not even the sun. Now I can make spaghetti & meatballs...

Since The Walking Dead started again, I've been thinking I need a new zombie-decimating weapon for use in my daydreams about stuffing them with bullets and hacking off their heads. Melee Mods' Tact-Axe and Gatchet should...

According to Forbes magazine, 2014 is bringing back tight-rolled jeans headgear. Thankfully, most of it won't connect to braces or interfere with beer consumption like Joan Cusack's in Sixteen Candles, but much will look...

Strong as a lion, small as a mouse. The Tango PC functions as powerfully and dynamically as a desktop at work, and then slips into your front pocket so you can head over to your friend Corenelius' house and unleash an...

One Bounty Hunter metal detector packed and ready to head to Ft. Lauderdale with me next week. I plan to use the gold teeth I find to fund a down payment on the Bitcoin mining operation I'm working on setting up in Detroit...

The Bubble Tank is a nice piece of art I'd like to fill with rocks and small fish and sit on my shelf. In part. In another part it looks like a giant tumor, which alludes to the one probably growing inside me from all...

A reliable satellite connection for voice and data communications anywhere in the world. 5,000 feet in the air. 500 miles offshore. Probably even in a box en route to Abu Dhabi, though that hasn't been confirmed as definite...

My friend Esteban lives on a boat and at the end of the summer every year he hires a diver to scrounge around the water at the bottom of his slip to try to recover the myriad items he and his friends drop over the side...

First off, let me say that I do not advocate taking shots through a Shot Straw. I advocate taking shots like a real man. However, if the memory of particularly rough night with Minnesotan twins, a ZZ Top fan club, and...

This 2 oz. bottle of Luminol contains the exact formula used worldwide by Crime Scene Investigators. The way you get its blue chemiluminescence to show is simple. 1) Bleed all over something. 2) Clean it up. 3) Spray...

Oh the satisfaction I would feel crushing ex-hard drives beneath the drill bit fist of Secured Engineered Machinery's Sledgehammer. It would be almost as gratifying as cruising by an ex-girlfriend who dumped me stranded...