Zombie Feet Sandals

And thanks to the Zombie Bodysuit's Italian Lycra construction, when Halloween is over, ladies, you can wear the sexy sweat-wicker to the gym, and be the sassiest spinner in Soul Cycle or most spirited hip shaker in Zumba...

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Zombies really have taken over the world, huh? Or at least the free market economy. The clever German capitalists who designed this introduction of the omnipresent living dead to the bowling alley made a good move though...

Redneck Boot Sandals, this is an old April Fool's joke, right? Maybe that too, but these cowboy boot-flip flop hybrids are also an actual shoe made in Alabama. Or Oklahoma. Or Texas. Or one of those states where it becomes...

This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

In looking through the listing for this life-size human eyeball ring on Amazon, the first thing I noticed is that it isn't the only life-size human eyeball you can buy on Amazon. I don't know why I was surprised...

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

Oh man, I thought my friend Cornelius had ugly feet. But if even he got a pair of these Ugly Feet Flip Flops, I would know the crusty, cracking, mangled, bunion-bulging dogs from the swamp couldn't possibly be his own...

Am I tired of zombies? Mmm...not really. Am I tired of ominous-looking, exceptionally hand-smithed swords and knives and machetes with blades sharp enough to slice through 24 cans of PBR in one blow (and a few tries)?...