19

Star Trek Enterprise Rocker

By: on September 02, 2016
$195
from
Check It Out

It's been awhile--January 2012 to be exact--since I've seen hand-carved Star Trek splendor of this baby rocker's magnitude. Anyone remember the Enterprise coffee table? Maybe in the 4-1/2 years since you bought and set that bad boy up in your bachelor pad you met a girl, took a walk in a church, exchanged white gold & topaz Trekkie rings, and then woke up one morning to the sounds of a shrieking child your wife keeps calling your son. Maybe he's 2 now, just old enough to start learning to pee in the pot and make the Vulcan salute. Maybe it's time to give him a USS Enterprise of his own.

Chris and Karen Bucklen run G and G rockers in San Diego. They made the Starship Enterprise Rocker you see here by hand from 99% bare unfinished wood. They'll stain or paint it in your choice of colors for an extra $25. Hmmm, Command Gold or Sciences Blue? Could Junior better take care of you in your old age as a CEO or a surgeon?

Check it out

Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

Buy Now

The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

Buy Now

Outdoor Rocking Hammock Lounger

$79.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

I like that this outdoor hammock lounger's design suggests I probably won't flip sideways or spill out onto my belly trying to get in and out of it. But I do have some concerns about ending up ass over teakettle. The...

Check it out

The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

Check it out

Muista Fidget Chair

$180 - $340 from Muista Chair »

Muista isn't a desk chair just for fidgeters, but the antsy and unfocused will probably be the first to appreciate its backless, rocking design, bouncy, bouncy rungs, and curved, saddle-esque seat. Deemed an "evolved...

Check it out

In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

Check it out

Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

Buy Now

Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

Buy Now

Baby Thug Onesie

$19.95 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

Check it out

Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

Check it out

Star Trek: TOS Bluetooth Communicator

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

In the original Star Trek series, the communicator was a super long-range walkie-talkie Starfleet ships used to message between or within each other. Over time, it became an artifact of the future as seen through the...

Buy Now

Windi the Gaspasser Gas & Colic Reliever

$14.98 from Amazon »

Windi the Gaspasser is one of those WTF products I as a childless dude saw and immediately thought was, in this order: a funny joke; a disgusting not-joke; a sad reality. You basically stick this little (un)plug in your...