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Star Trek Enterprise Rocker

By: on September 02, 2016
$260 - $350
from
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It's been awhile--January 2012 to be exact--since I've seen hand-carved Star Trek splendor of this baby rocker's magnitude. Anyone remember the Enterprise coffee table? Maybe in the 4-1/2 years since you bought and set that bad boy up in your bachelor pad you met a girl, took a walk in a church, exchanged white gold & topaz Trekkie rings, and then woke up one morning to the sounds of a shrieking child your wife keeps calling your son. Maybe he's 2 now, just old enough to start learning to pee in the pot and make the Vulcan salute. Maybe it's time to give him a USS Enterprise of his own.

Chris and Karen Bucklen run G and G rockers in San Diego. They made the Starship Enterprise Rocker you see here by hand from 99% bare unfinished wood. They'll stain or paint it in your choice of colors for some extra bucks too. Hmmm, Command Gold or Sciences Blue? Could Junior better take care of you in your old age as a CEO or a surgeon?

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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Outdoor Rocking Hammock Lounger

$79.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

I like that this outdoor hammock lounger's design suggests I probably won't flip sideways or spill out onto my belly trying to get in and out of it. But I do have some concerns about ending up ass over teakettle. The...

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Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

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Baby Thug Onesie

$19.95 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Star Trek: TOS Bluetooth Communicator

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

In the original Star Trek series, the communicator was a super long-range walkie-talkie Starfleet ships used to message between or within each other. Over time, it became an artifact of the future as seen through the...

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Muista Fidget Chair

$180 - $340 from Muista Chair »

Muista isn't a desk chair just for fidgeters, but the antsy and unfocused will probably be the first to appreciate its backless, rocking design, bouncy, bouncy rungs, and curved, saddle-esque seat. Deemed an "evolved...

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Windi the Gaspasser Gas & Colic Reliever

$14.99 from Amazon »

Windi the Gaspasser is one of those WTF products I as a childless dude saw and immediately thought was, in this order: a funny joke; a disgusting not-joke; a sad reality. You basically stick this little (un)plug in your...