Kids

Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

I guess someone figured enough dudes have started changing diapers in public and carrying their kids around like marsupials that there's profit to be had in developing some child rearing gear that isn't pink polka-dotted...

The Daddle Dad Saddle

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Pardon my language, but you have got to be Fraggle Rockin' me. A Daddle? Have we really entered an age in which grown ass men are relegated to their hands and knees, serving as equestrian play toys for their entitled...

Peek-a-Boo Baby Maternity Shirts

$22.90 - $29.99 from Etsy »

Happy 2015! Who had a New Year's baby? More importantly, who made a New Year's baby? For the second group, high-fives and peek-a-boo maternity shirts all around! (Or, if this comes as an unfortunate surprise, my condolences...

Dos Boobies Baby Onesie

$12.99 - $16.99 from Amazon »

I don't always drink milk, but when I do I prefer Dos Boobies. No slogan has truly arrived before it gets a meme, and no meme has truly arrived before it gets a T-shirt. Or, in this case, a baby romper. Take The Most...

3-in-1 Amish High Chair

$324.99 from Amazon »

I guess this is what happens when you don't spend all your time watching TV and playing video games. You come up with simple, fantastic ideas like the Amish with this 3-in-1 high chair. It's just a shame they'll have...

Baby Tattoo Sleeve Onesie

$39.95 from Amazon »

This baby with a mohawk and sleeves tattooed on his arms looks ridiculous. Even though the mohawk is probably just a styling of the only hair he has on his head and the sleeves are part of a onesie. The poor bastard....

Baby Mop Onesie

$50.49 from Firebox.com »

Finally! A use for babies! Come on little Timmy, you need to work up an appetite and I need to see my reflection in those hardwoods. That's right, time to earn your breast milk, son. And try not to get too sweaty or haggard...

NOMIS Kid Piggybacker

$89.99 from Amazon »

In many ways, this NOMIS Piggyback Rider for kids up to 7 years old! is a total crock. If I have to walk 18 blocks from where we parked to the PAX entrance, why should whiny little punk Treyton get to hitch a ride on...

Tortilla Baby Blanket & Hat

Mmm, mmm that baby looks good enough to dunk in guacamole and drizzle with Cholula. I'm a little confused about the tortilla swaddling blanket's accompanying hat though. Why does it have a knot in it? Aren't tamales the...

Bloom Coco Stylewood Baby Lounger

$195 - $310.91 from Amazon »

Bloom's Coco Stylewood baby loungers cater to people who are down with having a kid, but loath to accruing the cradle, bouncy chair, and plastic rainbow playmat crap that comes with having a kid and Fs up their interior...

Astronaut Duvet

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To assist parents in perpetuating the fallacy that in America any kid can be anything he wants when he grows up, here we have an astronaut duvet. That is, not just a duvet with astronauts on it, but a duvet with the majority...

Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

The Roddler - Hot Rod Baby Strollers

$4,495 from Kid Kustoms »

I'd give myself about 40 minutes of pushing one of these hot rod fendered strollers around before dinging and scratching it up beyond recognition from skimming walls and banging into corners. Pushing a kid cart around...

Spider-Man Bed Cover

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My Spidey Sense says that Robin would risk being labeled a traitor and facing legal action due to copyright infringement in order to take a siesta in this bed. Especially on lonely, pouty nights when Bruce brings home...

Batman Car Seat

$149 from KidsEmbrace »

A Batman Car Seat?! Kids these days are so spoiled. When I was of car seat age my mama didn't even put me in a car seat. She strapped me down with bungee cords. And only on the inside of the car instead of the roof on...

Omar Little Bib

$30 from Etsy »

Omar Little, quintessential role model for those short on teeth and sweet on pulverized green beans and boob milk. Oh, indeed. The Wire's beloved man with the hot hand for stickin' it to drug dealers now comes in a medium...

Baby Superhero Bib

$12 from Amazon »

"Fool" is such a grand addition to the English language. Mr. T knew what was up. Apparently, bib-wearing babies do too. I knew they were smarter than they look. I bet in actuality they're like a tribe of wee geniuses...

iPood Baby Onesie

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iPood. The onesie that states the obvious, perpetual reality for chilluns between the ages of 6 and 18 months old. And instead of a button for blasting its volume, the iPood comes with a button that aids kiddos in blasting...

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Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper

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It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing...

Baby Thug Onesie

$15.95 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

Baby Frankenstein Hat

$25 from Etsy »

Obviously I like this Frankenstein hat because it represents the true nature of babies: scary mish-mashes of tiny monster parts stitched together into wiggly, fluid-projectile-ejecting beings that terrify me. Though seemingly...

R2D2 Baby Costume

$48 from Etsy »

I know your toddler is a unique and special snowflake, but now you can turn him into a programmable, monotone android too and revel in the irony! Carolyn Caffelle calls her R2D2 onesie and hat a costume, though I think...

Ninteetho - Baby Geek Teething Toy

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The Ninteetho old school Nintendo teether is two kinds of awesome. First, it's the one video game controller you won't have to spend $99.95 replacing when your suddenly mobile kid grabs hold and gets to gnawing on and...

Infant Monkey Costume

$28 - $71.99 from Amazon »

This isn't quite Ralphie in his pink bunny pajamas from Aunt Clara, but it's pretty close. I don't think the idea here is to dress your infant comfortably, but more to entertain adults and create some classic photo opportunities...

Raised By Wolves Onesie

$18 from Etsy »

These button-cute baby threads are hitting the online shopping world just in time for the next installment of Twilight. The one where Bella gets preggo!...

Baby Blue Terry Shark Robe

$20.65 from Amazon »

Though not always as deadly as they seem, let's face it, babies are predators. Sharks in sheep's clothing. Seconds away from their next tantrum. Ready. Waiting.... to ruin your life. So let's not pretend we like them...