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Cleaver Ring

By: on October 07, 2013
$175
from
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Raul Souza's cleaver ring is what you use to threaten children who can't keep their hands to themselves when time out, grounding, and public humiliation cease to have an effect. Of course the ol' finger-sized-butcher's-knife-and-fake-blood trick will only work on kids under 6...or older kids who aren't very bright I suppose...but when it comes to breeding good behavior through discipline and fear, it's most productive to get 'em while their young anyway.

Souza's magnificently creepy cleaver ring is handmade from sterling silver and recycled wood. Wear it throughout October to encapsulate the spirit of Halloween, and the rest of the year's months to get a continual flow of compliments and props. Or eye rolls and disgusted stares. Kinda depends on the crowd.

Cleaver ring does not include pooled blood; wearers will need to provide the artificial hemoglobin capsules or Smuckers raspberry jam themselves.

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Philippe the Skeleton Lamp

Phillipe the Skeleton Lamp is not the first skeleton lamp I've met (see Glass Skull Tiki Torch, Day of the Dead Skull Lamp). But he's definitely the first skeleton lamp I've met named "Phillipe." Which leads me to believe...

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SKINZIT Electric Fish Skinner

$149.95 from Amazon »

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$14.36 from Amazon »

Adult coloring books have experienced a recent surge in sales as meditative and therapeutic outlets. But how the H-A-Double-Hockey-Sticks-O-W-E-E-N does The Beauty of Horror think I'm supposed to calm down and relieve...

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Dai Sensei Japanese Kitchen Knife

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Dai Sensei means "Grand Master" in Japanese, and that's presumably what this fusion of a Japanese blade and a French chef's knife will make the kitchen warrior who wields it. (Note: Knowing proper knife skills, such as...

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$35.89 - $40 from Amazon »

Bring out the gimp. The gimp's sleeping. Well, I guess you'll just have to go wake him up now, won't you? Wait...wrong S&M fetish scene. The Rubber Man suit is an American Horror Story derivation. Just as well, I guess....

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Blood Bath Wallpaper

$53 from Pixers »

Huh. Now this is interesting. And by "interesting" I mean, "I really hope I never show up to someone's house and see an entire room wallpapered in blood splatters." That's, like, some psycho housewife shit. Some Kathy...

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Bubonic Bunny Hoppers

$20 from Etsy »

Looks like we're gonna have a grotesque perversion of the fuzzy, frolicky, happy animals emblematic of every major holiday now. First Phillip Blackman took on Valentine's Day with his Undead Teds, and here Undead Ed tackles...

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$13.79 from Amazon »

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Slow Joe Zombie Mug

No, you are not seeing a hideously realistic zombie on the face of this mug just because you haven't had your coffee yet today. The zombie is real. Well, as real as Turkey Merck Pottery can make him with stoneware, ceramic...

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Recycled Skateboard Butcher Knives

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Trick out your kitchen with a 2nd Shot Canada skateboard butcher knife. Husband and wife team Lindsay and John turn ollies, tailslides, and top guns into the handles of their damascus chopping blades. Each is a OOAK knife...

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Browning DIY Butcher Kit

$84 from Amazon »

You might be slated to carve the turkey this year, but have you signed up to hunt, shoot, field dress, and butcher it too? Browning says its DIY Butcher Kit comes with a blade "for every cutting chore imaginable." Hunters...