78

Powered Nail Trimmer

By: on September 23, 2013

Battery-operated nail trimmer, um, no thank you, sir. Actually, my heart is pounding so fast and the knot snowballing in my stomach growing so large right now, I can't even muster the pleasantries. I'm just going to go with, Get that abominable bringer of torture away from me! How can I look at a bladed contraption inviting me to insert a fingernail and not think it's going to do one of two things: 1) rip my entire nail out at the root; or 2) suck in and Chinese handcuff my whole finger for severing at the top knuckle.

Fail, Hammacher Schlemmer, FAIL!

Or, for the misguided of you who think I'm being a big girl about this whole thing, I guess you could also call it a nail clipping SCORE!

The powered trimmer represents a great success in modern-day technology, a means for man to lop off some of his excess keratin with little to no physical exertion or steadiness of hand. The clipper is especially suited to those with limited manual dexterity, as it completes the trimming task without the need to squeeze the fingers or bend at the wrist.

Buy Now

Nimble Finger Blade

$18.96 from Amazon »

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack run your finger blade through that gift wrap like a laser cutter through a sheet of acrylic. The Nimble Safety Cutter slips over a finger - any one of them, you pick - and allows you...

Buy Now

The Beard Bro Beard-Shaping Tool

$17.79 from Amazon »

Men, are you tired of spending precious minutes in the morning grooming and edging your perfect specimen of manliness (well, the one on your face anyway) only to end up looking like your 6-year-old shaved you after you...

Buy Now

Willy Care Kit

$17.22 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

Check it out

EEEARS Reusable Ear Cleaner

$11 from Kickstarter »

It seems we're on an earwax offensive. EEEARS, a reusable cotton swab substitute for ear cleaning, joins the OtoSet automatic ear cleaning headset I saw earlier this month in the cache of tools forthcoming for wax elimination...

Buy Now

Kinkajou Bottle Cutter

$49.95 from Amazon »

Kinkajou. The word sounds like it applies to a precocious, yet cuddly, mammalian sidekick that sits on your shoulder and surreptitiously swipes peoples' two-bite brownies and tubes of lip gloss during walks through the...

Check it out

Bushbalm Pubic Hair Oils

$21 from Bushbalm »

Bushbalm is for us men who have spent one too many joyless nights this holiday season sitting around "just talking" and listening to Christmas music with our wives, girlfriends, and online dates, only to realize that...

Check it out

Wazer Desktop Waterjet Cutter

$3,999 - $4,499 from Wazer »

Wazer, the self-described first ever desktop waterjet cutter, has a few things going for it. First, if your friend Cornelius has ever sprayed you in the face with a pressure washer, you know how strong a jet of water...

Buy Now

Ka-Bar Snody Crisis Card

$43.23 from Amazon »

The Snody Crisis Card is punched and jagged for a strong grip and maximal impact when you need to defend yourself. And it's finished in a rich anodized blue with gold edge accents for a slick look and flash of intimidation...

Buy Now

Star Wars Storm Trooper Electric Shaver

$49.97 from Amazon »

They used the Force Friday on me and all I can see is Star Wars merch! The Storm Trooper Electric Shaver from Philips Norelco is another forthcoming (10/1/17) addition to the Star Wars: The Last Jedi frenzy....

Check it out

Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere....

Buy Now

Beard Grow XL Facial Hair Supplement

$79.99 from Amazon »

Snake oil? No Way! Beard Grow XL isn't oil at all. It's pills! Ninety little capsules whose daily dose claims to carry the coveted effect of a full and glorious facial bush that's sure to rival the one on Santa himself....

Check it out

Whisker Dam Mustache Protector

$20 from Whisker Dam »

They say it's like an umbrella for your face. And also that it's the best dam invention for keeping your whiskers dry. The Whisker Dam sits over a pint of beer (or milk, or triple mocha with extra whipped cream) and prevents...