20

iRestore Laser Hair Growth System

By: on July 25, 2016
$695
Check It Out

I'm not saying the iRestore laser hair growth system works. (I'm also not saying I need a need an iRestore laser hair growth system. For the record.) But the helmet with the red glow and hefty price tag does claim to be FDA-cleared as a treatment for hair loss and thinning hair in both men and women.

Reviews, as you might expect, are a little too positive. No one's copping to having gotten a free or discounted iRestore in exchange for their "unbiased opinion" of it, but their reports all read like Ron Popeil infomercial testimonials, which is to say fishy.

According to iRestore makers, if you wear their robot laser hat for 25 minutes 3 times a week, "you can expect to see visible improvement in as little as 12 to 24 weeks." The device uses 51 medical-grade lasers beaming at a wavelength of 650nm and power of <5mW, plus red LED light diodes to stimulate follicles. You can also use it in conjunction with other hair loss treatments, such as creams, oral medications, and prayers to God.

I don't know, dude, if it were $100 to test drive the iRestore I might be more willing to risk buying a complete waste of money. Then again, if it were only $100 I'd think there was no way it could possibly work because if someone invented a legit at-home human Chia machine there's no way they'd sell it for only $100. Then again again, iRestore says the equipment comes with a 6-month money back guarantee...less return shipping and an 18% "restocking fee." 18% of $595 is $107, so I guess in the long run if it doesn't work you can send it back having wasted around a hundred bucks.

Or you could just grow bald gracefully.

Check it out

Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

Buy Now

Electric Head Massager

$165 from Amazon »

I want to know, you want to know, so we may as well just ask: does the electric head massager give good head? And if so, how good? What kind of good? Does it just find its grip and squeeze, or is there some steady, calculated...

Check it out

The 357 Magnum Gun Hair Dryer

Sold Out from Etsy »

A real "blast" from the past. In a clever display of grooming irony, users shoot this vintage 357 Magnum Hair Dryer at their heads to avoid committing style suicide. We can see it now, the biggest public service campaign...

Check it out

20-Pound Chocolate Lionel Richie Head

$833.19 from Firebox.com »

I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

Buy Now

Brazilian Back Male Hair Removal System

Sold Out from Amazon »

Men, removing unwanted back hair is now as easy as putting on a coat! And if you don't believe me, just ask Wilmer Valderrama, who appears to be as big of a Brazilian Back male hair eradicating system fan as he does to...

Check it out

Hairy Chest Sweater

$61.34 from Firebox.com »

What sucks is that you're either blessed with a dense thatch of chest hair or you're not. There's no cultivating it, no sprinkling of fertilizer that will encourage it to grow. The only legitimate option for those bereft...

Buy Now

Beard Grow XL Facial Hair Supplement

$79.99 from Amazon »

Snake oil? No Way! Beard Grow XL isn't oil at all. It's pills! Ninety little capsules whose daily dose claims to carry the coveted effect of a full and glorious facial bush that's sure to rival the one on Santa himself....

Buy Now

Shark RAW Blank Motorcycle Helmet

$259.99 from Amazon »

Shark's RAW Blank may not be as attention-grabbing as the Batman motorcycle helmet, but: 1) the stylized muzzle and LP-looking side discs will still turn some heads; and 2) for the sake of your credibility as a rider...

Buy Now

baKBlade DIY Back Hair Shaver

$37.95 from Amazon »

baKBlade calls this extra-large razor the Big Mouth because its accompanying app is programmed to ridicule your bushy shoulders and thatches of back hair as soon as you let that wiry jungle get out of control....

Check it out

Morninghead: Man's 5-Second Hairstylist

$9.99 from Morninghead »

Sometimes, the last thing you want to wake up to is morning head. It's unruly and it's hard to handle, yet it must be calmed before leaving the house. It especially must be calmed before facing your ball buster of a boss...

Check it out

The Single Handed Barber

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the...

Buy Now

Betty Beauty Dye for Hair Down There

$14.99 from Amazon »

Whether you're going gray, going to a rave, or going a little kinky in the bedroom, Betty has you covered. Well, your pubic hair anyway....