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iRestore Laser Hair Growth System

By: on July 25, 2016
$695
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I'm not saying the iRestore laser hair growth system works. (I'm also not saying I need a need an iRestore laser hair growth system. For the record.) But the helmet with the red glow and hefty price tag does claim to be FDA-cleared as a treatment for hair loss and thinning hair in both men and women.

Reviews, as you might expect, are a little too positive. No one's copping to having gotten a free or discounted iRestore in exchange for their "unbiased opinion" of it, but their reports all read like Ron Popeil infomercial testimonials, which is to say fishy.

According to iRestore makers, if you wear their robot laser hat for 25 minutes 3 times a week, "you can expect to see visible improvement in as little as 12 to 24 weeks." The device uses 51 medical-grade lasers beaming at a wavelength of 650nm and power of <5mW, plus red LED light diodes to stimulate follicles. You can also use it in conjunction with other hair loss treatments, such as creams, oral medications, and prayers to God.

I don't know, dude, if it were $100 to test drive the iRestore I might be more willing to risk buying a complete waste of money. Then again, if it were only $100 I'd think there was no way it could possibly work because if someone invented a legit at-home human Chia machine there's no way they'd sell it for only $100. Then again again, iRestore says the equipment comes with a 6-month money back guarantee...less return shipping and an 18% "restocking fee." 18% of $595 is $107, so I guess in the long run if it doesn't work you can send it back having wasted around a hundred bucks.

Or you could just grow bald gracefully.

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Baby Head Masks

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People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The 357 Magnum Gun Hair Dryer

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A real "blast" from the past. In a clever display of grooming irony, users shoot this vintage 357 Magnum Hair Dryer at their heads to avoid committing style suicide. We can see it now, the biggest public service campaign...

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I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

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Brazilian Back Male Hair Removal System

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Hairy Chest Sweater

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Beard Grow XL Facial Hair Supplement

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Shark RAW Blank Motorcycle Helmet

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baKBlade DIY Back Hair Shaver

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Sometimes, the last thing you want to wake up to is morning head. It's unruly and it's hard to handle, yet it must be calmed before leaving the house. It especially must be calmed before facing your ball buster of a boss...

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The Single Handed Barber

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the...

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Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush

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I'm a pretty pony! I'm a pretty pony! And it's all because I use the Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush by Body Essentials! No, not really. I'm a pretty pony because I have some damn fine genes. The brush just keeps my...

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The Rocky Mountain Barber Company invites (challenges?) all men to seek out their "inner lumberjack," latch onto it, and let 'er rip. Even if in real life you couldn't skin a log any better than you could caber toss it...