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Second Skin Santa Bodysuit

By: on December 06, 2013
  • Second Skin Santa Bodysuit
  • Second Skin Santa Bodysuit
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If your kids are afraid of Santa the jolly bearded fat man, just dress up as Santa the faceless creeper in the second skin bodysuit and show them what real terror is. Ho, ho, ho, an ocelot ate my face! Now I spread Christmas cheer by covering my entire body in belted red pantyhose! Old St. Nick's lap will start looking like a child's haven of comfort and joy right quick, and you'll have unprotested photo ops of smiling, angelic young'uns forevermore.

The Santa Claus Zentai Supersuit is officially licensed by the North Pole. Even though there is a 0% chance it will keep you warm and dry in anything resembling North Pole weather like a normal Santa suit would, or hide anything resembling MILF-induced excitement like a normal Santa suit also would. Despite the costume's all-encompassing nature, the men and women behind the mask can still see, breathe, and even drink through it while wearing it.

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TRON: Legacy Siren Gem Bodysuit

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[Insert Sit on Santa's Lap Joke Here.]...

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The march towards October 31st continues. The night of ghouls in glowing eyes and dripping blood, and girls in latex and 5" thigh-high boots. Of bodies dead and decaying, and bodies half naked, well-endowed, and making...

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Spandex Black Cat Burglar Costume

Discontinued

What's better than an inked Felicia Hardy prancing around, getting limber on your pages of The Amazing Spider-Man as the Black Cat? A real live girl (or boy--we aim to please all orientations) prancing around, getting...

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Well Endowed Zentai Suit

$44.99 from Amazon »

I see your Little Green Man, and raise it one Huge Green Man. If you prefer Orange, Red, Yellow, Blue,, Purple, or Never-Go-Back Black, I have Zentai suits in all of those extra-tight, extra-long-schlong colors too. So...

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Reindeer Hangover Ugly Christmas Sweater

$29.99 from Amazon »

Listen. The only reason I'm showing you a barfing reindeer ugly Christmas sweater on November 6th is that when I waited for another month to show it to you last year it sold out before I had the opportunity. So just swap...

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Secret Santa Gift Guide

In most cases, Secret Santa participation merely perpetuates the exchange of crap. Reindeer doilies, Dilbert mugs, giant jars of Brach's assorted hard candies, nothing that will stick around more than 24 hours before...

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It's a highly inappropriate Rudolph sandwich, wherein Rudolph proves that he can both dish it out and take it. The Reindeer Threesome Sweater is to make your holidays, and particularly your impending Ugly Christmas Sweater...

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Life-Size Animated Talking Reindeer

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The idea of Dasher, a life-size reindeer that talks and moves, is decent, but, uh...did they have to give him the voice of Ross Matthews? MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Let's hang pink and purple stockings! At least that's...

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Rudolph the white-nosed reindeer / Had a very waxen face / And the next time you see it / I'll have melted it away. All of the other reindeer / Will tremble inside their own skin / As I set a match to Rudolph / And burn...

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Ug It Up for Santa: Top 10 Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Ahhhh, nothing screams, "Merry Christmas!" like synthetic fabrics, tacky embroidery, seizure-inducing patterns, and colors insulting to nature. Here are my picks for most awesomely uggiest of the ug, the Top 10 Ugly Christmas...

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Looks like the reindeer are out of a job. Santaur can fly his own damn sleigh, what with this new quad of furry legs and a pile of Greek mythology backing him now. Also new to the Santa Claus table: guns and a 6-pack....