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Spray the Bi*ch Away Aromatherapy Perfume

By: on February 05, 2017
$23.50
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Dude. When I saw the name "Spray the Bitch Away" for this bottle of aromatherapy perfume I thought it was for men with mean wives and girlfriends, or crazy exes. I thought it would be the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day gift for a dude. But really the soothing lavender-based relaxation spray is for a woman to use when she's "irritated, pissed off, annoyed, tired, peeved, frustrated, enraged, and ha[s] an overall bad attitude!"

So equally offensive to the ladies, particularly if you gift your girlfriend a way to Spray the Bitch Away.

In addition to lavender, the aromatherapy mashup contains bergamot, clary sage, geranium, frankincense, myrrh, and coconut. Shake well before using. Shouldn't be too hard to remember since you'll be bitching out when you grab for it.

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World's Largest Super Soaker

Your biggest concern about the World's Largest Super Soaker* shouldn't be that it will get you super soaked upon impact. Because the water jets maker Mark Rober has built this 7-foot H2Ogre to spew is so powerful it can...

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Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

$64 from Xyrena »

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance...

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Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

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Sure F**k Cologne

$24.75 from Amazon »

Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over...

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Insect Shield Mail-in Bug Repellent Clothing Treatment

$64.95 - $149.95 from Insect Shield »

Insect Shield started making its Insect Repellent Apparel in 2001, and has gone on to provide various areas of the US Military, Rio Olympics athletes, and 70+ lifestyle clothing brands with clothing treated with its proprietary...

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Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

$44.88 from Amazon »

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended...

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biem Instant Stick Butter Sprayer

$129 - $159 from Biem »

Whether you're looking to cut back on the butter or blanket your whole life in a dewy sheen of it, the forthcoming biem Butter Sprayer could be as revolutionary for your popcorn and toast as the Slotdog is for your wieners....

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Backflow Incense Burners

$25 - $299 from Amazon »

OK, She-Ra: Princess of Power, I will get you a cascading waterfall of burning incense for Valentine's Day if you promise not to use the thing as a cauldron and Double, double toil and trouble a hex on me when you find...

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Yank Me Candles

$19.95 from Amazon »

Yank Me Candles are terrific gag or white elephant gifts in the vein of WTF Prank Candles, but with a different kind of blood pulsing through them. The latter have delightful sounding names, such as Apple Pie, on the...

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Luminol Spray

$12 from Amazon »

This 2 oz. bottle of Luminol contains the exact formula used worldwide by Crime Scene Investigators. The way you get its blue chemiluminescence to show is simple. 1) Bleed all over something. 2) Clean it up. 3) Spray...

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Le Labo Santal 26 Fragrance Diffuser

$590 from Le Labo »

Le Labo says, "Sure, Thomas Edison gave us light, but he didn't include a nebulizer to transform our Santal 26 fragrance oil into a fine mist to spread both light and perfume into your home." Which is crazy because I...

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Solaris Lockstone Fragrance Bracelets

$49.18 - $79.93 from Vanacci »

Sexes, styles, and personas collide in the Solaris Lockstone braceleta. These pieces give a nod to the night sky encircling wrists with a choice of dark and dreamy semi-precious stones leading to a series of personal...