Cologne

Diesel Sound of the Brave Cologne

$43 - $88 Amazon »

Sound of the Brave Cologne, Diesel? Seems to this dude the name should be Smell of the Brave. An eau de toilette made especially for:...

The Dad Hoodie

The Dad Hoodie. Guess it wouldn't have been a good marketing move to portmanteau those words for this men's zip-up with 6 internal pockets for stashing all Daddy's baby gear into...The Doodie. Nah, probably not...

G.I. Joe Cologne

Sold Out Amazon »

I never considered what a G.I. Joe might smell like. I mean a real G.I. Joe. I know exactly what the G.I. Joes I played with as a kid smelled like: plastic and PB&J. And whatever else was on my hands when I touched them...

Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

$64 Xyrena »

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance...

Spray the Bi*ch Away Aromatherapy Perfume

$21.95 Amazon »

Dude. When I saw the name "Spray the Bitch Away" for this bottle of aromatherapy perfume I thought it was for men with mean wives and girlfriends, or crazy exes. I thought it would be the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day...

F**k Me Perfume

$30.30 Amazon »

In the words of the great Marcy Playground, "I smell sex and can-dy." Or is that sex and cran-ber-ries? With tonka mousse and a hint of Tuscan blood orange. From the perfumers and the sexologists who brought you Sure...

Sunoco Burnt Rubber Cologne

"Steel on steel on rubber on road." And also some sweetness and spice so you won't make the ladies gag. Sunoco Burnt Rubber Cologne seeks to bottle the essence of racing so you can enjoy your fast and furious experiences...

Star Trek Sulu Pour Homme Cologne

Sold Out Amazon »

Hikaru Sulu: master of botany. Of gymnastics. Of ancient weaponry. Of advanced starship manipulation. And now, of perfume. The logical next step. Excelsior! Onward and upward!...

Spicebomb Cologne

$61.56 - $82.26 Amazon »

To me, the idea of smelling like a bomb of anything connotes an unpleasantly strong and cloying odor, and when I think of a bomb of spices all that comes to mind are the scents that permeate my clothes, my hair, my skin...

Zombie Cologne

$20 - $39.50 Demeter »

It seems to me that smelling like a zombie would not bode well for one's interactions with humans. I imagine the scents of Demeter's Zombie for Him and Zombie for Her incorporate a rank melange of decaying organic matter...

Sure F**k Cologne

$33.98 Amazon »

Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over...

Campfire Cologne

$12.95 Antler & Co. »

Campfire Cologne. In case a scruffy beard, lumberjack button-up, and logger sports on the Outdoor Network aren't enough to satiate you during the winter months when your favorite campgrounds are covered in snow. In case...

The Scent of Departure

Probably the 20 cities essenced and bottled in the Scent of Departure unisex cologne line are real-life olfactory dreams. Mmm, Jovial Munich, hinting of fat yeasty pretzels and vats of malt and hops. Spicy Budapest, with...

Swallowable Parfum

Swallowable Parfum is a capsule that, when ingested, releases perfumed scents through its host's pores. So instead of spritzing dewy showers of juniper and orange blossom onto your body, you'll be able to sweat aromatic...

Erox Arousal Body Spray

$59.95 Erox »

Erox is a unisex body spray that synergizes scents of grapefruit, bergamot, pepper, lavender, and amber with actual human pheromones. It's like Axe with pseudo-pop-scientific research, and reality-TV vixen Adrienne Curry...

Sex Panther Cologne

$40 Amazon »

Sex Panther Cologne, the fictitious cologne from the movie Anchorman has become a reality. I've heard that a certain percentage of the time this stuff works every time. That's what I've heard. I'm not sure what those...

Play-Doh Cologne Spray

Discontinued

Damn son. If you're the kind of guy that wears cologne, then this is the perfect cologne for you. Makes you smell like a little kid again, which is really the only time you should wear cologne...