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Ugly Christmas Swimsuit

By: on November 30, 2014

I have one thing to say to all of you who live in Southern California and Miami and Australia. You who will be sweating balls this Christmas instead of freezing your ass off making them out of snow: jerks. The only things we of inclement December climates have over you are 1) possible storms resulting in days off work (though those also tend to come with power outages and 12-car pileups) and 2) ugly Christmas sweater parties resulting in rampant drunkenness and possible one night stands.

And it seems that you've now one-upped us on #2 as well with this ugly Christmas swimsuit. It not only matches the tackiness of an oversized pile of yarn puke with its faux-knit aesthetic, but it also encourages women to wear exponentially less clothing instead of exponentially more!

Black Milk's Not Actually Knitted Swimsuit is actually made of polyester and elastane, with a nylon and elastane lining. Its awesome print includes festive accents ranging from hearts and presents to unicorns and T-Rexes.

Note: I would still encourage ladies living in traditional winter climates to purchase an ugly Christmas swimsuit for fun cold-weather activities such as hot tubbing and figgy pudding wrestling.

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